Page 168 of Lessons In Grey
“Graduation is coming up soon, is it not?” he asked as I poured the two glasses, sliding one over to him and keeping one myself.
I nodded as Jeremy took a seat one stool down from him. “Yeah, they’ve discussed a lot about moving this summer.” They wanted to start their lives when classes ended. They wanted to start a family, get married. They wanted a house.
They didn’t want to stay in the city forever. I was happy for them. I encouraged them to be together, to go on more dates, figure out their plans. Ash has been by my side since we were kids, she deserved this. She deserved to justbewith the love of her life.
Besides, I was fine. I didn’t need them looking after me all the time. I needed to get out on my own too, start that company, have a life outside of them.
Outside of this.
“Ah, young love, such a beautiful thing. Rae and Jack have discussed tying the knot, so to speak, but in this line of work it’s hard to find the time.”
I took a long drink and lowered my glass. I could imagine. How was she doing it? Was she like me, not wanting to get involved in the depths of this world? Or had she dived in headfirst without a thought? “So, what brings you by? Any news on Louis? Am Iallowed to ask?”
He laughed. “Oh, Emily, yes, you are allowed to ask. Ask anything you want but I am, in turn, allowed to decline an answer. Now, we have a promising lead, and I do apologize for how long this is taking, but Louis is proving to be a slippery fish. He managed to escape Azrael’s grasp and that is an entirely impossible thing to do, I’ll be honest with you, but trust me when I say that we have it handled.”
I watched him for a long time before I straightened. “I’m having a difficult time with trust these days. I’m sorry he escaped your grasp. That must be a difficult blow to confidence among your criminal friends.”
“Emily,” Jeremy warned.
Malachi held up a hand, silencing him. “It’s alright. Greyson told me you were having trouble adjusting.”
Irritated disbelief flooded through my already fucked up emotional state. I laughed and finished the glass. “That’s great. That’s justperfect.” Everyone knows about my issues. Everyone knows that I’m pathetic. I bet Rae never had these issues. I bet she was mocking me about how fucking pathetic I was. Did they all know about my meds? Did they all know about my ‘suicidal tendencies’?
“That drink isn’t meant to be glugged,” Matthew commented.
I shot him the deadliest of glares before turning back to the cupboard.
“Emily, that’s all he said, I assure you,” Malachi spoke as I grabbed another bottle, “and it’s perfectly natural. Everyone experiences self-doubt when away from their partner, everyone.”
“Malachi, don’t.”
I poured myself a tall glass and took a drink. I closed my eyes, letting the buzzing take affect before I turned to him. “Thank you for coming, I appreciate the update, but I will not be speaking to you about my relationship or lack thereof. In my opinion, it’stactless. The world doesn’t need to know my business.”
“You made that difficult when you stopped talking to Greyson,” Jeremy stated coldly. “You’ve put us all in the middle of it with your insecurities. Which isn’t your fault,” he added, “but it’s not ours either.”
The guilt felt overwhelming. I felt as if I were drowning in a sea of pointlessness and narrow-minded thinking of my own making, and I couldn’t stop.
Maybe I just needed to up my meds again, maybe that was it. Up my meds and everything would be better.
My eyes found his. “I told him when I first met him that I don’t dolove. You can remind him of that when you talk to him again. And then tell him that his inevitability has an end, and it is here.”
His eyes widened. “Emily don’t do that. He’s going to come back and you’re going to feel like an idiot for all of this. It’s going to suck and then it’ll get better, I promise.”
“He’s right,” Malachi agreed softly. “A lot of emotions are running high right now, which I understand, but you have to understand the gravity of the situation. We are hunting a very dangerous man. Greyson is doing everything he can to keep you safe, and while I would much rather him be here with you, exploring your newfound love, everyone else is busy. All I have are he and Azrael.”
“And I would have understood that more had he not made it obvious that he’d rather text them than me.” God, it sounded so childish saying it out loud.
Malachi’s eyes furrowed. “What does that mean?”
I straightened, glancing to Jeremy and then to Matthew, finding both men avoiding my eyes in guilt. I laughed. “Holy shit, nobody told him? All of you have told him everything aboutmebut you haven’t told himthat?”
“It’s not drama he needs to be involved in,” Matthew stated.
I pointed a finger at him. “I swear toGodI’ll put you on your knees during the next training session.”
Malachi’s brows lifted in joyous surprise. “You’re training? Oh, that is wonderful, good for you.”
I turned back to him. “Thank you, I needed something to fill the time. To answer your previous question, since nobody in this line of work actually cares about privacy, Greyson has been texting and calling them nonstop since he left. I’ve gotten exactly one text from him and three phone calls. I’m allowed to be angry, and I’m allowed to not want to fight with him while he’s supposed to be focusing on hunting down this guy. I’m glad you stopped by, I’m glad you’re alive, although I expected nothing less, but if you don’t mind, I need to take a bath.”