Page 37 of Lessons In Grey

I could still breathe.

In and out.

Deep breath, I heard him say.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before I inhaled deeply and leaned back in my chair, finally facing the inevitable.

He was watching me from a few feet away, concern and interest in his eyes. “Did you just talk yourself out of having a panic attack?”

I frowned deeply at him. “Were you just standing there watching me talk myself out of having a panic attack?”

He straightened. “You told me to give you a second.”

“So go lick Remi’s pussy juices off your goddamn desk, don’t sit here and stare at me like a psychopathic stalker.”

He watched me for several seconds before he pulled his phone out of his pocket, walked over, and slid it right over my notebook. “Zero-seven-one-one,” he told me, taking a step back. “You’ll find the number for campus security pulled up, as well as a half-written out text to Mr. Vos that I have yet to send. Mainly due to the fact that I was interrupted. She can believe all she wants that I was recording, but you can check my pictures too. I don’t dophones.”

He thought about it a moment and then frowned. “I own several guns and a cat named Sirius, just in case you do decide to go through my pictures. I also have pictures of my sisters, my brothers, and a girl named Rae. She wanted advice on a dress she was wearing on she and Jack’s anniversary this year. They met almost two years ago.”

I didn’t even glance at his phone. “I don’t care.”

“You do.”

“I don’t,” I said through my teeth. “I am angry and you’re fucking a plastic whore, I’m allowed to use that against you when I’m angry.”

“I haven’t fucked her, Emily.”

“I. Don’t. Care.” Remi said otherwise. Everyone said otherwise, but I didn’t care, so it didn’t matter. It meant nothing to me.

I tapped my pen three times, watching him through narrowed eyes. “Sirius?” I finally asked, irritated that I even did it, but fuck, I was so goddamn angry, and he was annoyingly easy to talk too.

“She’s a Maine Coon. Black, long fur, golden eyes.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, my eyes falling to the notes, half-hidden behind his phone. “Sirius Black?”

“Obviously.”

Hmm, I see what he did there. “Snitch would have been a better name,” I muttered under my breath.

I looked towards the windows, unable to see out them from here. After a moment, I pulled out a gummy worm and slid it over my tongue, relishing in the feeling of it, in the way my mouth watered.

“I know you’re not the alcoholic,” he finally said, pulling my eyes towards him, straight to his tie that was crumpled now. Probably Remi’s doing. “Why don’t you stand up to your father?”

My eyes flicked to his for half a second. “Why don’t you stand up to Remi?”

“She thinks it’s all a joke,” he said on a sigh. “She’s turned on by degradation and she doesn’t take things seriously. Her ‘daddy issues’ are horribly severe.”

I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. “You don’t want tofixher?” I asked bitterly.

“Her mind isn’t worth it to me.”

I swallowed, tapping my pen again, eyes falling to his phone. It certainly wasn’t the newest of the current generation. In fact, it had to have been at least five to seven years old. I half wondered if it even worked properly.

Shit.

I wanted to talk to him. It really was easy. I felt as if I didn’t have to hide so much, and maybe that was okay. Maybe I could look over the ledge without actually jumping off. Maybe I could have my metaphorical cake and eat it too, and maybe he’d still live without suffering because of my suffering.

“Have you watched it?” he finally asked.