Page 38 of Lessons In Grey

I released an exasperated huff, but honestly, I had been resigned to talking to him too. About anything. “Watched what?”

Amusement danced across his features. He watched me for a moment before he turned and walked over to the edge of the stage, sinking down. “Your show?” he finally asked, gripping the edge of it. “Have you watched it since him?”

My eyes fell to his knuckles. From here I could see it. On his left hand he had the suits of the cards tattooed across his fingers. Hearts, spades, diamonds, and clubs. There was a rose tattooed on the back of his hand, the vines of thorns drifting around aimlessly, it seemed, before crawling up his wrist.

On his right hand were roman numerals, and on the back of his hand was the bottom half of a skull over the space between his index finger and thumb, it took up most of the back of his hand, and if he held it up in front of his face, it would look almost like a mask.

I stared at him for a long time before shaking my head, my eyes finally lifting back to his. “Not since…no,” I corrected. “Not for a while.” For a year, actually.

“Why?”

I shrugged, my heart thudding slightly against my ribs. I tapped my pen again. “How did you know?” I eventually asked.

“Know what?”

I gestured towards nothing. “Know that he was called Raggedy Man.”

He smiled softly, that light shining in the depths of his eyes. “The first week of school, you wrote an entire paper analyzing the difference between 9, 10, 11, and 12. You stated that 9 was the one that reminded the world of the importance of the Doctor, 10 was the one the world fell in love with, 11 was the one that became everyone’s best friend, and 12 was the one that reminded us how complex and brilliant the Doctor truly is.

“I saw your passion in your words, so much, in fact, that I watched it all. It took me some dedication, some lunch breaks while you slept, some late nights, Sirius was so upset that I was ignoring her, but I have to say it was worth it. I saw some of what you were talking about.”

My eyes burned, such shock filling me, I had no words, no anything. My mind was empty.

“But then you spoke at lunch about how much you loved him, 11.The madman with a blue box. Now I understand it fully.”

I swallowed, my throat closing. “What do you understand?” I asked carefully.

“I understand why he was such a good friend of yours, and I understand how important he was to you in the midst of dealing with everything going on in your head. Someone like that, with such…such blind optimism, such hope. How could you not believe in someone like that?”

I had dreamed for so long that he would come steal Charlie and I away. I was so selfish like that. Charlie had always wanted to travel, but I didn’t think she would have said yes had that blue box appeared, but me? Holy shit, I would have gone.

I would have run, and I never would have looked back.

“And I understand why we are so inevitable,” he said, pulling my attention back.

My brows furrowed as I tried to force the tears away. “What are you talking about?”

A secret smile touched his eyes. “You saw it before we ever spoke, but I think you see it even more now.”

My confusion turned to a glare. “See what?”

He rose a brow, his smile growing. “Rags? You said it was a metaphor.”

My breath caught, my cheeks blazing red. “What?” It was a metaphor. A metaphor for life and gas stations and the inevitability of running into someone like him outside of one, someone who was dressed like he had walked out of a crime scene untouched after causing it.

“But it was really just a shortened nickname, wasn’t it? You just wanted to be mysterious.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes. “You’re delusional.” A shortened nickname ofwhat?

“I’m your Raggedy Man, aren’t I?’

I scoffed. “No.” What. The.Fuck. That couldn’t possibly be true. That wasn’t true.

He shrugged knowingly. “I’ll take anything I can get, Snowflake, even if it’s the recycled nickname of the man that saved you. Fuck, I’ll take that any day. You’re alive because of him, you got here because of him. Real or not, I’ll wear it with fucking pride.”

I released a breath, momentarily caught off guard by how hot it was hearing him curse like that.

Dammit, he got in my head again.