Page 49 of Lessons In Grey

Grey.

My eyes flicked to the stage, finding him concentrating on his work.

Why was he texting me now?

Because he had my number?

Was that what I had to look forward to now? Him texting me out of the blue just because?

I set my can down and stared at his name, my heartbeatpicking up ever so slightly. Shit.

Grey: Deep breath

-Your Raggedy Man.

Fuck.

I locked the screen and shoved it away, my eyes lifting back to him. I studied him carefully. He actually did look raggedy today.

Goddammit.

~~~

October 10th, 2021

“…I don’t know. She was…she was always like this, I guess, but not as severe. I mean, she always had bad days. Always. Days when even Charlie couldn’t force her out of bed. I think they happened more often than either of them let on, but when I knew about them, the two of us would climb into her bed and watch television on Charlie’s laptop.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, stiff from sleeping on the cold ground.

I couldn’t remember coming here. I couldn’t really remember much after first hour.

“When Charlie died…” Ash’s voice trailed away, and when she finally started talking again, I could hear the tears in her voice. “Syn’s mom, Beth, she once told me that twins are born different than us. They are hard-wired never to be alone. Since the second they are created until their last days, it’s In their souls never to be alone. Emily was born with her depression, she was always destined to have some level of sadness living within her, but I just…I never imagined that it would end up like this.

“Something inside of her really did shatter, and I know people say that. It’s not so heavy anymore because it’s been saturated everywhere online, but I swear to God, Navarro, I swear, this issomething else.”

Rags was quiet for a long time before he spoke, his voice so low, I was sure even the ghosts couldn’t hear him. “Have you ever gone swimming in the ocean at night?”

Ash sniffed. “Um…yeah. Yeah, I have.”

“Okay, so imagine this. Imagine that it’s a cloudy night and you’re having a good time. Not an exceptional one, just a good time with friends. You’re laughing, smiling, swimming, and then all of a sudden you turn around and they’re gone. Every single one of them. Gone. The beach is gone, you can’t even see the lights of the city anymore, you can’t hear the music. You’ve just transported from the beach straight into the black ocean, and it is…soblack.

“You’re treading water, and you start to think to yourself ‘it’s okay, I’ve just swam too far out’. So you start swimming. Ten minutes pass, twenty, when thirty drifts by, your panic starts to grow. Your limbs are tired, your chest is tightening, and the memory of the smiles and laughter disappears because all you can think about now is that you’re alone, that nobody knows where you are, and you’re exhausted.

“Eventually, you’ll get so tired, you won’t want to tread water anymore, that’s when it starts to rain. The waves start to get choppy, saltwater splashes in your mouth. You scream but nobody can hear you. You turn around, ready to scream again when you spot this giant wave seconds from crashing down on you, and you know that this is it. You can’t fight it anymore. But what you didn’t see was that the shore had come into view. You were minutes away from being safe. That moment right then, right before that wave hits, that’s where she is. It’s where she’s been for a very long time.”

My eyes burned as I pressed my lips together. I had never heard it described like that, but it felt right. Every word felt right.

Ash released a breath. “She hasn’t smiled in a year, she hasn’t laughed. That night, I lost my second family, all of them, and thenyou came around and she came to life again. I know that’s a lot of pressure, I understand that, but I’m her best friend, I can’t just let that go.”

“That’s not up to us,” he replied. “Whatever hope you have, whatever ideas, whatever thoughts. It’s not up to us.” He was quiet a moment. “I almost killed her stepbrother in his bed. I should have killed him,” he confessed, his tone a quiet rage that sent chills down my spine.

Ash shifted. “Why didn’t you?” No questions about why or how he could do something like that. It made me wonder what they had been talking about while I slept. How much did she know about him?

A slight twinge of jealousy fell through me, but I tried to stifle it. I had been sleeping. If I hadn’t been so tired, maybe I would have known more about him.

Did I want that?

Did I deserve it?