Page 5 of Lessons In Grey

I think about that now and wonder what she had meant by it. I felt…hollow. I felt like there was nothing in me anymore. No substance to that which is Emily Belle Glass. No pumping heart or functioning organs, nothing at all, just…just Hell.

The world had wrapped its hands around my ankles, and it was slowly pulling me into the crust, yet nobody could see that.

Or maybe they could.

Maybe they just didn’t care, and how could I blame them? Why would anyone want to drown with me?

“Earth to Emily.”

I looked up as the words slipped through a silent moment in my music.

I knew of four people in this school. All four of them had gone to the same High School as Charlie and I. Remi, Cam, and Katelyn had become our friends simply out of necessity. Charlie and I had been going to parties since 10thgrade, and we had needed them to get in. They had connections to drugs we never had, but there was no substance to our friendship, if it could even be called that.

I never liked them, Charlie was the talker, the glue, so to speak. I guess they just kept hanging around me out of habit, buthonestly, I never instigated anything.

Some habits were hard to break though, I could understand that.

“Sorry,” I apologized, pulling one headphone out, unsure when they had actually arrived. “What’s up?”

Ash smiled her beautiful, dimply smile, her burgundy eyes shining brightly. “We were talking about what we’ve done this last summer. Rem asked what you were up too.”

Shocking since Remi only talked about herself.

Ash was drop-dead gorgeous in my opinion. Sadly, she was taken. She was dating a beautiful girl named Syn Bloom. They had met in 11thgrade, their romance slow building. In fact, they didn’t actually make it official until our second year of college.

Her parents had kicked her out, disowned her, so she got her own place, and was constantly talking about Syn moving in once they graduated.

Ash had shoulder-length auburn hair with streaks of bright blonde and deep red. She had dimple piercings and carried this rocker chic, biker babe look that just fit her so well. She never cared about what anyone thought, she just lived her life to the best of her ability.

Her tawny skin was littered in tattoos, crawling up her neck, over her fingers. She loved the dark look, and maybe that’s why we got along so well. While she didn’t understand my state of mind, she respected who I was, and I loved that about her. I found peace in her presence.

I shrugged as Ash opened the door to the writing lecture hall. “Stayed home, wrote a lot.” Rachel would have called me a recluse, lectured me for not going out, pushed me to explore, but I had gotten tired of putting on a full face of makeup every time I decided to leave the house.

Remi was unimpressed, although I was sure that I could make up some story about fucking the hottest model in Dubai and her expression would remain the same. Too much silicone.

I was sure there was a lot to unpack about her life, but we never really talked about it. We never talked about anything with any real substance, which wasn’t completely my fault. I had tried years ago to deepen the conversations and they accused me of being too high and suggested that I go to rehab.

I can count on both hands the number of times I had done drugs in my life. Katelyn, Cam, and Remi were the ones with a problem.

“Sis, you have got to spend more time going out, I was wondering why you looked so pale.”

It was simply how I was born.

“So, anyway,” Remi went on as we took our seats halfway up the rows of seating, right next to the windows, which were inset into the brick walls of the building, “daddy said he was going to buy me a real crown for Christmas this year! It’s going to have rubiesanddiamonds. Can you believe that?”

Actually, yes.

The four of us all came from money and while we had all gotten our inheritance at 18, Charlie, Ash, and I never liked being over-exuberant with our finances. After Charlie died, I had gotten what was left of hers, which had been almost all of it.

Now I had even less of an inclination to spend money because what if it was her money?

Rachel had a lot to say about that one, but I had ignored every word of it.

This was the largest lecture hall in the building, the windows were at least a story and a half up, overlooking the campus grounds. A beautiful spot, and one that allowed me to see the entire front of the room without hinderance, as well as the changing seasons throughout the school year.

I stared at the whiteboard that lined the walls down below, the desk sitting on a wide dais just in front of it. Maybe it wasn’t the emptiness that was heavy, maybe it was what caused it.

People started to trickle in, and with each person, I wonderedwho the new Professor would be.