Page 47 of Easton
There’s a giddy excitement in my brother’s voice that I’ve never heard from him before. It makes me see how passionate Morgan is about this bar, how much he wants it and how much heart he’s going to put into this place.
“Um…yeah. Sure.”
“Come here.” Morgan leads me over to where they have a table set up. I’m not surprised when Dusty rambles off some lie about having to show Archer something. “They think they’re slick,” Morgan teases while I try to ignore the part of me that wants to pull Archer with me.
It’s nothing against my brother. I just don’t know how to be the brother I should be to him, don’t know how I deserve to when I killed our sister. But then, I also have no business depending on Archer that way. I’m already doing it way too much, giving him too many pieces of me, and it’s going to fuck me up even more when this ends.
The plans for the bar are laid out on the table. It’ll be organized differently than it had been before, the counter longer, and a corner with a stage.
“Are you gonna have live music?”
“I’m hoping to. I’m not sure how many gigs we can get here, but maybe on the weekends, or at least one or two weekends a month. I also want to eventually expand the menu. Want a dance floor, but more tables too for different options. There was so much wasted space that just by reorganizing how it’s all set up, there’s a lot more we can do with it.”
Morgan spends time pointing everything out to me, telling me every single plan he has, as if my opinion matters.
It’s gonna be great, El.
I know. Feels like lots of things are falling into place.
“What do you think?” Morgan asks.
“I think this is what you were supposed to do…that you’re gonna make this the best bar in the UP.” I look away because it’s easier than facing him.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me. And like I said before, if you ever want to help with the work…”
“I can do that sometime.”
“Archer too, if the two of you are…”
“Friends,” I fill in for him. I’ve had acquaintances, people I’ve spent time with, but have I ever told someone that another person was my friend? I’ve never felt like I really had one, other than Ella.
“He’s a good one to have,” Morgan says as we’re joined by the other two men, who must be done giving us our moment.
“Morgan is trying to put us to work,” I tell Archer.
“I’m okay with that.” His response isn’t a surprise. “You gonna have Cass help?”
“I’m planning on it. I’ve talked to him about it a little bit. I’ve even tried to get ahold of Rhett, but he’s still not interested in talking to me.” Morgan reaches over and takes Dusty’s hand as if he’s drawing support from him.
My gaze holds on where they’re touching, making me think about how Archer playfully asked to do the same with me earlier today. How is it so easy for Morgan to give himself to Dusty, when so many of my traumas are ones we share? What is it about me that just doesn’t know how to do the things everyone else does?
It’s not your fault, East…it’s because you won’t let go of me, and because we were never taught how.
Ella’s right in some ways. Morgan and Rhett had Mom to learn from, Mom to love them. And though I know how much my brothers gave up for me, it’s because they didn’t have a choice. They did it because my father wanted nothing to do with me.
“Gregory’s been calling him,” I admit. “He said he’s not answering.”
“You saw him?” The hurt in Morgan’s voice cuts deep. Damn it. Why hadn’t I thought about that before I’d spoken?
Why did Rhett see me and not Morgan?
“Just because he was afraid I’d done something wrong again.”
Morgan sighs and doesn’t question my response.
“Gregory was calling Morgan too. We blocked his number,” Dusty says, and I’m not surprised that the only person he’s not calling is me. He never cared and never will. He told me I’m not a Swift anymore, but the thing is, I don’t think he ever saw me as one.
“If it’s for me, neither you nor Rhett have to do that.”