Page 66 of Easton

“You were a kid, East. It was an accident. That’s not your fault.”

“I told her where to hide,” I admit, so damn ashamed. “I walked her over, helped her in. Left her.”

He tilts my head so I look at him, Archer on his back and me half on my side and chest. “It still wasn’t your fault. It’s the worst thing that could have happened to you, but it was an accident. Maybe she would have decided to hide there anyway, or maybe if she hadn’t, something bad would have happened another way. It sucks, but that’s life sometimes. That doesn’t mean it was your fault. It was a tragedy, and I hate that you experienced it, but you can’t punish yourself for an accident.”

“It should have been me.”

He stiffens beneath me. “No. Don’t say that.”

“Everyone knows it should have been me. My own father says it. He’s told me more than once. I’m a disgrace. I’m fucked up. Hell, if you ask him, I’m not even a Swift anymore. He said so himself. He blames me for Mom and for Ella. All I do is drag people down, and if you were smart, you’d get the fuck away from me before I drag you down too!”

I try to pull away again, but Archer doesn’t let go of me, just keeps proving that no matter what, he’ll always be there. I don’t have it in me to put up much of a fight, so I just melt against him, let myself have this, even though I’m still unsure how to deserve it.

“Does your dad… Has he really said those things to you?”

“I told you he hates me, Arch. He’s always hated me. He loves Rhett because Rhett did everything in his power to be just like him, to make him happy. He loves Morgan because he’s smart and accomplished and maybe because of how much Mom loved Morgan. Rhett used to tell me how close they were. He loved Ella because she was the baby girl Mom always wanted, the dream child. I was the extra, and I’ve never been what he wanted. The fact that he didn’t care about me at all turned to hate after Ella.”

Archer’s hold on me tightens, his body vibrating like he can hardly contain himself.

“Fuck Gregory for saying those things to you. Something is wrong withhim, East. Not you. Christ, I want to fucking kill him for making you feel that way.” He breathes in and out for a moment, as if trying to get himself under control. “Look at me,” he commands. When I don’t, he says, “Look at me,” again, his voice too hurt for me to deny him.

“I told you already tonight, but I’m going to keep saying it again and again. I love you. I’minlove with you, and it’s because of your heart, because of who you are. You’re good to Meadow. You take in animals others throw away. You love those dogs with your whole damn heart. You try to bring Rhett and Morgan together. You love your sister so fucking much, and she knew it. She loved you too. If Gregory doesn’t see how fucking incredible you are, that’s on him. Not you.”

I want to believe him so much, and part of me does—that’s the magic of who Archer is. “What if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not. I know I’m not.”

I bury my face into his neck, breathe him in, try to find that part of me that wants to be more like him. “The thing with your cousin…with Travis. That wasn’t your fault either.”

He sighs. “No, it wasn’t. And I get it, that it’s hard to feel pain about something without taking the guilt too. Ella was an accident, and Travis made his choices. Maybe we could work on forgiving ourselves together.”

I like the sound of that.

“Together.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Archer

It’s a shittyday at work, one of those that make me wonder why I do what I do. Sometimes the red tape makes it impossible to do any good. It doesn’t help that I’ve been so damn worried about East the past few days. That nightmare had been frightening to witness—the way he’d been flailing around, how he’d been screaming for Ella, yelling at Morgan, as if he was reliving the worst day of his life.

At first I hadn’t been able to wake him up, to pull him out of the past. He’d been crying, wailing, in so much pain. I’ve never felt my heart being ripped out the way I did in that moment.

And he’s spent the last eighteen years blaming himself, thinking it’s his fault—something Gregory fucking Swift hasn’t done anything to stop. Something he’s actively made worse. My body temperature rises and my head throbs to the point where it feels like it’s going to explode every time I think about it. What kind of parent treats their child the way East has been treated? And though I shouldn’t be, it’s hard not to be pissed at Morgan and Rhett about it too. Why couldn’t they find a way to protect him?

I’m exhausted when I get off work. East is still at work, and part of me is glad. Not because I don’t want to be around him. I always want to be with him, but I need someone I can talk to, someone I can trust and who will know what to do. It doesn’t matter if I’m thirty-six years old, one of those people for me will always be my mom. And it helps to know she’s also someone who cares about East.

I text her to see if she’s off, and thankfully she is, so I head to their place. Dad is home too, and as close as I am with him, as much as I love him and know I can trust him, I don’t want to share East’s business with him. It doesn’t feel right. But like always, somehow my parents know. Dad takes one look at me and asks, “You good?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I’ll give you two a few minutes.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t—”

He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Hey. None of that. I get it. I’ve got a mom too, ya know.”

I chuckle. Christ, my family is the best, and I’m so damn grateful that now East will have them too. “Thanks, Dad.”