Page 109 of Mad Love
After a while, she pulls back. “There’s something I want to tell you. It didn’t take reading Sasha’s journals for me to trust you. In my heart of hearts, I’ve known for a long time that you would’ve moved heaven and earth to take care of Caleb the second you heard about him. I’ve seen the kind of dad you are.”
My eyes well up again. “Thank you,” I whisper.
I can’t say more than that, but I think she knows it means everything to hear her say that.
Later, we reheat the food and try again with dinner, but we still don’t manage to eat much.
We go to bed early, and I feel raw and numb at the same time. Sadie kisses me and tucks her head against my chest. When my body responds to her, but I’m too weighed down to move yet, she kisses down my body and wakes me back up, one kiss at a time.
When I sink into her, it’s with a sharp, relieved cry.
I’ll never like the way it happened, the time I missed out on with my son, but all of this brought me to Sadie.
She’s my safe place and the love of my life.
CHAPTER FORTY
THESE SMALL AND MASSIVE WAYS
SADIE
I don’t know how it’s possible, but things have been even better between Weston and me since I told him about the journals. He’s been so vulnerable and sweet. It’s broken my heart while also healing it, as we navigate knowing more of the story together.
The mystery of who the woman Sasha saw remains, but it seems like we may never know. And I guess that has to be okay. We can’t change any of it anyway.
It’s the week before Thanksgiving and I haven’t been to a game yet. I had two chances last month, and I lost my nerve. I didn’t tell Weston I’d thought about going, and he hasn’t asked since the magazine debacle. I’ve been in them again occasionally, but being aware that photographers are out there now has helped me up my game. I don’t necessarily go out looking completely put together, but I don’t look scraggly and like I haven’t slept in months either.
Balance.
But it’s getting harder to stay away.
Being with Weston has changed my life. Not because I live in this beautiful home and don’t struggle to make ends meet anymore—although that has been a huge improvement, I won’t lie—but it’s because I never thought I could have a love like this. When I think back to how I didn’t trust anything Weston said, it’s like another lifetime ago. It doesn’t compute that I wouldn’t trust him now.
When he looks at me, it’s with the most genuine, heart-wrenching adoration.
I feel his love down to my bones.
It isn’t just in the way he tends to my body like a man at the altar he worships, even though I do feel his love there, each and every day.
It goes far deeper than that. It’s in the things he says, the way his eyes warm when he sees me, the way he checks to see if I’m content in the littlest ways. It’s in the way he laughs at the things I say, the way he tries to make me laugh, the way he makes sure I have some time to myself when he gets home from a long day, the way he jumps up to get Caleb out of bed when he knows Ididn’t get much sleep…in every way, Weston proves his love for me.
That’s why when we lose ourselves in each other’s bodies, it’s transcendent…because the foreplay is never-ending. It’s been going on from the time we get out of bed and just never stops. When he shows me all the ways he cares in all these small and massive ways, it shouldn’t surprise me that the sex would be a revelation each time, but it is.
I can’t deprive him of the one thing he still wants from me for another second longer.
He told me he’d always have a ticket for me, and two weeks before each game, like clockwork, I get an email with my digital ticket. Not just the home games either. I haven’t even ventured into considering away games yet; that will come later. But since September, I’ve gotten tickets for every single game. I suspect once Caleb needs his own seat, Weston will also make sure he has one.
I kiss him when he leaves just like all the other weekends, and we have our usual FaceTimes throughout the day. Same with the next day. As soon as we have our last conversation before I have to leave, I jump into action.
The doorbell makes me pause and I run to let Felicity in.
“Perfect timing. I just hung up with Weston!” I laugh, hugging her.
Her eyes are bright when we pull away, and she squeezes my arm. “I’m so happy you’re doing this.” She looks around for Caleb and frowns when she doesn’t see him. “Where’s my boy?” She pouts.
“He’s still sleeping and I’m hoping he sleeps as long as possible. He’s teething and didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Aw, poor guy. He’s going with us, though, right?”