Page 90 of Not Until Her

She walks away with nothing else, and I’m relieved. I dig in my wallet only to find a twenty, and don’t even care. I drop it in the tip jar as I leave.

25

The plan was to get home, get some sleep, and knock on her door first thing in the morning. I don’t want to leave her hanging, I care about hersomuch. If I had the capacity for this conversation tonight, I’d choose to have it tonight.

I don’t get to choose. She walks in behind me before I even set my bag down. Her face is red and puffy, splintering my heart into a million pieces. She still looks like an angel, I don’t think there’s any scenario in which her appearance would stop taking my breath away.

“Hi,” I say.

She stands frozen, looking like she has something to say but isn’t sure how. Exactly why I think this isn’t the time to talk, but I don’t have it in me to tell her to go now. Her presence makes me feel whole.

Things have changed so fast, I shock myself by even thinking the words.

Before I can bring up what my plan was, she strides towards me and wraps her arms around me. The strength with which she squeezes me is slightly alarming, but I don’t care. I inhale the flowery scent of her skin, and feel like it’s the first time I’ve been able to focus all day. Everything will be okay as long as I have this. Her. We’re going to be okay, no matter what happens or what anyone thinks. Even if we have to keep this a secret for–

“We have to stop this,” she whispers.

I nod as best I can into the crook of her neck.

“I don’t need space anymore, I just needed to–

“No,this,” she says, and squeezes me tighter. “Whatever we are, we can’t be it anymore.”

There’s a ringing in my ears. The ground feels like it caves in beneath me.

“No,” I say instinctively as I pull away. Her arms take a few seconds to drop, but they do. “We can be whatever we want, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” she insists. “It won’t ever be, so we need to do this now. Before things get too serious, or–”

“Uh, hate to break it to you right now of all times, but it’s already too serious.”

Kara blinks at me a few times before shaking her head.

“You only think that.”

“Who are you to say I onlythinkI’m in love with you?” I ask, too loudly.

She should be able to tell by now, especially after my intense reaction earlier. How could she think I’d flip out like that if there weren’t serious feelings here?

She admitted to liking me, almost as soon as I admitted to myself that Imorethan like her. I never really thought we’d be on the same page, but we’re so many chapters apart. It’s almost laughable.

I watch her stumble back,stillshaking her damned head.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t tell me what I mean,” I growl.

Her stubbornness is something I’ve grown to love about her, but not in this case. She’s not allowed to put her foot down when it comes to what I feel.

I think this might be the most sure I’ve been. My body knows it needs her. The distance she’s putting between us is already leaving an ache in my bones.

I can’t do this. I can’t lose her.

“What is your problem?”

She laughs, and it’s a hollow, sad sound.

“I don’t have a problem yet. But I will if we keep this up.”