Page 91 of Not Until Her

“What do you mean?”

“She’s your best friend,” she says quietly. “If I were to become your girlfriend or something, I’d have to see them, be around them and—“ She blows out a deep, steadying exhale, and I just want to hold her again. I even try to, but she backs away further. Every inch between us hurts more and more. “I was so sure I’d never have to see him again. I can’t do it.”

I watch as she shudders, and my mind shoots to the worst case scenario. I'm concerned, not just for her, but for Autumn. For myself.

“What did he do, Kara?” She shakes her head, refusing to tell me. “If it’s really bad, I’ll never want to see him again anyway! Then it’ll work out fine, no need to—“

“No, stop. Seriously, stop. I have to go.”

“Why can’t you just—“

“I have to go,” she repeats.

I stand there in shock, in pain, as it’s now her turn to run down to her car, and there’s nothing I can do. I want to ignore her, I want to refuse to let her leave. But I know, deep in my gut, that I can’t.

She needs to be alone right now, just like I needed it earlier.

God, I just hope that she feels as strongly as I do. If she does, there’s no way this is getting in between us. It’s so small of a detail. It’s so easy to solve. Maybe I only go over to Autumn’s place from now on, but never invite her here. Maybe she’ll be so busy as a new mom that she won’t have any time for me anyway.

I don’t know what details the future will bring, all I know is that I want to be wherever Kara is. My stomach twists, not knowing where she’s headed or when I’ll see her next.

Kara disappears for five days.

I go about things as best as I can in that time, and pretend I’m fine when Caleb dropped Dahlia off that first night. I’ve taken her to the park, and to the mall, and to a birthday party of some cousin on Caleb’s side. He offered to take her, but I’d never so easily give up time on my days. I was a little awkward around the people I don’t know, but there were snacks to graze on, and Dahlia wanted to head out early anyway.

He picked her up last night, and I think I’ve snapped a little. I have sent Kara no less than ten text messages. I’ve called her at least once a day, hoping for a miracle. She has to come back at some point, because she pays rent here. Tim requires a thirty-day notice to move out, and I don’t think she would be the type to ignore that.

I really hope.

I’m scared to sit outside, as much as I want the fresh air. As much as I want to see her. This is something that can’t sneak up on me. My guard is down so low, and my pain is so close to the surface. I need to prepare. I need to do it when I feel ready to do it.

Yet, any plan to protect myself is thrown out the window when I hear the familiar sound. It’s quieter than usual, like she’s trying to go unheard.

No chance. I’d never mistake it for anything else.

I shoot up off the couch, and practically leap for my front door. Hers is just closing behind her as I reach it, and I manage to keep myself from crying the second it does. It feels like a sign I don’t want. A metaphor I don’t need.

I knock three times.

“Open the door, Kara.”

Her response is close, right on the other side of it.

“There’s no point,” says her muffled voice.

I try the handle, not opposed to letting myself in without permission, but it’s already locked.

“That’s not true. Stop being stubborn.”

She doesn’t respond, so I press my ear against the door. I don’t know what I’m hoping to hear, I just wantsomething. I had become so used to our routine, to getting so excited every time we hung out. Every day without it has felt so empty. So wrong.

I’ve taken my time to process, and I’ve let her take hers, but this is something else. This is now her attempt to decide that we can’t work through this, and I want to refuse. I want to scream and say that none of it matters, even though some of it does.

I can not believe just how small this town is.

What are the odds,howare the odds?

I’m seriously in love with Miles' ex-wife. I’ve daydreamed about getting married, and buying a house, and living happily ever after with a woman that made both him and my best friend miserable for a long time.