Page 93 of Bring me Back
I missed hearing him call me Cricket. In one second, I hated him for hiding so many things from me, in the next I wanted him to fight for me. I wanted to snap my fingers and forget about Katie and her posse, because each time I couldn’t? I felt small.
Fizzing in my throat like the sea foam, were all the things I wished to tell him. The recipe to our forever. But the words never surfaced, as they didn’t exist. It wasn’t a straight line.
“I just want you to know I’d change things if I could.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Many things. But I was learning too, I am learning. When your dad marched to the school, I’d realized I should have done that ages ago. I should have told you I knew Katie the second you said her name. I should’ve pressured Anderson right away and contacted the school board.”
I nodded, looking away, since the intensity of his stare burned into me.
“Why didn’t you?” I asked. “Done all those things you regret?”
I felt his eyes burning the side of my face, but I kept my eyes on the sea.
“Because I was scared. I said it before and it’s true. I never wanted you to see me like I was one of them. I wanted to be the one for you, the one by your side. The one to protect you. I tried so hard to listen to the words you didn’t say, follow the cues of your body language. And then, I found out it wasn’t me.”
“It wasn’t you?” I turned to him.
“The one who was going to do all those things. I made a mistake I couldn’t take back.”
I frowned. “I don’t want to punish you for your past. You didn’t know.”
I wanted to punish him for his present, for never telling me, but even I knew it wasn’t really the issue. I hated he kept that for himself, but what I couldn’t get over was his involvement with Katie. What I thought about late at night in my bed was her shrieks and ownership over him.
“It’s a trigger, Hallie,” he spoke with a resignation that cut me in half. “You can’t stop yourself from feeling it, from reacting and I get it.”
My hands shook, I gripped my knees, feeling so desperate. My mind told me I could never be with Katie’s ex-boyfriend. I couldn’t live with that shadow over my head, with her accusations that I stole her boyfriend for revenge. I wanted to live in peace and away from all of that and being with Daniel seemed like a fight.
On the other hand, in my heart… I knew I loved him and only him. It reminded me of how stronger I was now and counted all the things I survived before. It whispered to me that he, Daniel Miller, was worth it.
And still my head paralyzed me. I wanted to break free, but I had no idea how.
I shot to my feet; Daniel followed my movements. “Mind my things?” I asked as I piled the house keys and phone with my sneakers and socks. I only gave him time to nod slowly, and I sprinted to the water.
Running.
Running until my legs felt numb. Until the hot sand became damp, until the water embraced me. And then I dived, meeting the wave, my arms moving with my legs. Against the tide, a salt taste in my lips. I swam until my chest burned and I needed to bring my head up. My tee glued to my body, my jeans heavy and wet.
I rubbed my eyes and brushed my hair back. I fell and floated, taking the sun above my head, burning hot, showing red under my eyelids.
When I walked back, Daniel was up. Waiting, hands on his waist, watching me walk toward him.
We were only a few feet apart when he took something from his pocket. Looked like a note, a paper of some sort. He raised it to me and then deposited with my things.
“Read when you’re ready.”
I nodded, stopped in place as he cast me one last look, climbed the stone steps, and left the beach.
“Say the word and I’ll kick them out.”
I was shuffling through the latest orders I took and for a second, I barely understood that Marian was talking to me. I pinged them on the spinning wheel by the kitchen’s window when I turned to Marian with a frown.
She jerked her head toward the main floor. I followed with my eyes and then I saw it, just beside the big windows, the Campbell family. Sharon and the husband I’d never seen, Delilah and Katie. All sitting at the table, talking to each other like it wasn’t a crime to smile that much.
Months ago I’d have hidden in the kitchen. Or if I was feeling bold, actually take on Marian’s suggestion. But that was before. Before jumping into the sea, before getting Daniel’s letter that still burned unread in my pocket. Before getting a call from the school board asking to see me for a meeting.
It was before I dared to come back and stand tall. I shook my head at Marian, with a coy smile that honestly wasn’t mine. “I’ll handle this.”
I marched with my head high, as every pair of eyes followed my steps. I slid beside their table with agility, my pencil right on paper and a smile. “Welcome to Torres’. What can I do for you today?”
Their conversation stopped the minute my voice was heard. Not just the Campbells, but the whole diner waited to watch the interaction. I refused to let myself cower, standing my ground. My smile did not falter.