Page 40 of Loving Jamie
I use my fingers to stroke through his still damp hair and tell him, “As your Daddies, you should have reached out to us. But with this being a complex situation I understand why your instincts told you to run, so I won’t blame you for that. As long as the next time you’re feeling lost or afraid, please come and find us.”
William hums his agreement. “I’m with Justin on that. Usually, I would have punished you for not coming to your Daddy…or Daddies in a time of stress but I think given the circumstances, you needed time to get your head around things. Things are still new with us so we can’t expect you to put all of your trust in us straight away.”
Jamie looks at William and huffs a breath. “Is that what you think? That I don’t trust you guys?”
Before either William and I can respond, Jamie jumps from the mountain of blankets and paces the carpet.
With his hands fisted tightly in his hair, he shoots us a frustrated glare. “That’s bullshit. If you think that I don’t trust you, then it's bollocks. All the shit with my ex fucked me up. Like a lot. I didn’t date before I met him and I didn’t date after I escaped. Yeah, I fucked guys but I never entertained the idea of a relationship. I never wanted to depend on someone ever again.”
He turns and walks back over to us. He places his colourful hands on my shoulders and squeezes tight. “And then I got to know you better. I got to know the real you, not just my best friend’s older brother, but the sweet, caring, wonderful man you are.”
When he lets go of my shoulders he grabs William’s hand. “Fuck. And then I met you. None of this was supposed to happen, but I am so glad it did. William, from the minute I saw you, I knew I wanted you. I was so confused because I never considered myself polyamorous. I felt guilty that I was lusting after you when I already had Justin, but the more I got to know you the more I realised that it just made sense. All three of us here together makes sense.”
Jamie drops to the floor, kneeling between our legs and says, “Things with Damian were rough. Really fucking rough, and it left me with a lot of problems. But those are my issues. Please, don’t ever think that I don’t trust you both, because I do. I trust you both with my life. Ok?”
My throat clicks as I force the dampness behind my eyes away. After everything that happened with Jude, I have been carrying some really heavy guilt. I believed that I never deserved to find true happiness. How could I ever expect to find my perfect someone when I could never protect my own flesh and blood.
I pull Jamie up to the sofa and squish him between me and William, our arms wrap around his shaking body. I rest my face in his hair and breathe him in, allowing myself to enjoy the press of his body against mine.
“Fuck, Jamie. I love you; you know that don’t you? How much you brighten up my life?” I whisper against his scalp.
“Thank you for sharing that with us, Jamie. I understand the guilt you must have felt when we first met. I felt the same way when you approached me for that date. I struggled to understand what I could possibly bring to the relationship, I had thoughts that I was going to break up you guys’ relationship. It was risky but I’m so glad we're here, together.”
Jamie’s body continues to shake and when he finally lifts his head, the exhaustion in his eyes is worrying.
He takes a few deep breaths and whispers, “I love you. I love you both so much. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I hope we’re all here together to figure it out.”
We all lay snuggled up on the sofa watching some television. But after twenty minutes or so Jamie is yawning and his eyes are dropping shut. I nudge William and whisper, “I’m going to go into his bedroom and sort the bed out, you guys stay here and I’ll come and get you when I’m done.”
William nods his head and squeezes Jamie’s sleeping body closer.
Standing up from the sofa I don’t bother putting clothes on as I walk to Jamie’s bedroom. As soon as I open his door the smell of stale alcohol hits me again. He must have drank quite a lot last night, I just wish he would have called us instead of getting drunk by himself, but I understand that he needed time to process things.
It only takes me a few minutes to strip the bedding and put fresh sheets on, I open the window to let the cool night air freshen up the room. And by the time I walk back into the living room I see Jamie and William still in the same position snoring away.
I make sure the front door is locked and the lights are off before I walk back over to the sofa. I reach a hand out to wake them up but decide to grab my phone first, opening the camera app I take a few pictures of my men cozied up together. Looking through the photos I choose the clearest one and set it as my phone background.
“What are you smiling at Daddy?” Jamie’s sleepy voice startles me.
I turn my phone around so he can see, he squints his eyes as he looks at the image, a tired but happy smile takes over his face.
“I love it, Daddy.”
I lean closer to his face and press a kiss to his forehead, “And I love you, baby. Are you ready to wake William up? It's late so we should get into bed.”
Jamie nuzzles William's neck for a few seconds before he nods his head.
I stroke my fingers though William's hair, the movement makes him groan before his eyes pop open, deep brown eyes look at me and Jamie. “Bedtime?”
Jamie giggles before unwrapping his body from his. “Yeah, Daddy. Let’s go to bed.”
Jamie stands up from the sofa and stretches his arms above his head before reaching towards me, “Carry me?”
I lift him up and he wraps his legs around my waist. I hold my hand out to William and pull him up off the sofa. The three of us slowly walk towards the bedroom.
Standing next to the bed I go to put Jamie on the floor but he tightens his limbs around me. His eyes are closed but I know he’s not asleep.
“Cold, Daddy.”