Page 101 of Perfect Sin
The look in his eyes heats, as it always seems to when we’re in danger. He fists a hand in my hair and pulls my mouth to his. Our kiss is angry and frightened. It’s also a reminder that we’re still here now, and an expression of hope that we’ll somehow conquer the odds working against us.
“Uh, we better go,” Lucien says. “Pretty soon they’ll be ripping each other’s clothes off, and there are some things in this life I don’t need to see.”
“Yeah, you definitely can’t unsee it. Trust me,” Ford grumbles.
“Out,” Sin demands before scooping me up and moving down the hall.
He kicks our bedroom door shut and presses me up against it. The muffled sounds of everyone leaving filters down the hall. “We need our own place,” he grumbles.
He tears his shirt off over his head. Muscles sculpted by fighting ripple as he cages me in. “I hate every part of this plan.”
I cup the side of his face. “I know you do.”
He leans in, brushing his cheek against my palm in likely the only gentle gesture he’ll make for the rest of the night. “I don’t want to think anymore tonight. When things got too real before, I used to use sex to calm down.”
“I’m not running,” I tell him.
“I wouldn’t let you. This isn’t just fucking, but it’s not going to feel like making love. I need to say that, because I’m on edge here.”
“You’re scared,” I whisper.
“Terrified, but only of losing you.”
“You won’t.”
“That’s not something you can promise, princess.”
He’s right. There are any number of ways this plan can go to hell. Each one of them ends with someone taking a bullet. The only thing we can hope for is that it’s one of them and not one of us.
I want the reminder that right now I’m alive, because right now is the only thing that is real. Yesterday and tomorrow are intangible concepts that always shift just out of reach. Today, right now, this minute, that is the only certainty.
We crash back together, hands tearing at clothes, mouths tasting, limbs tangling. He’s right, we aren’t making love, it’s like a battle with the two of us fighting for release from the fear, anxiety, and never-ending desire for the other.
My hip smashes into the corner of the dresser, knocking off the lamp. The room plunges into darkness, but we don’t stop. Sin’s feet tangle in the cord, and the two of us tumble to the ground.
I land on top of him, my hair curtains around us. He fists his hand in it and pulls my mouth down to his once more. His breath becomes mine, and finally I understand why he used sex to cope for so long. My mind empties of everything except the feel of him around me and inside of me. Time passes, but I have no concept of how much of it. For endless-seeming minutes we lay sated on the floor, the air cooling our sweat-soaked skin.
“My brain is empty. I can see why you used sex as an escape,” I say when I can muster the energy to speak.
His fingers lace through mine. “Not this time. There’s nowhere else I want to be but here with you.”
“Here?” Our clothes are strewn all over the room. Somehow my bra ended up hanging from the ceiling fan.
Even worse, the window is uncovered, streaming sunlight into the room. “When did we pull down the curtains?” I ask.
“I think it was when you rolled on top and reached out for something to hold on to,” he says, chuckling.
“Oh my god!” I cover my face as it heats with my embarrassment.
He pulls me back down to lay next to him, and I realize we’re using our curtains as a cover. “How did we not notice any of this happening?” I gesture to our wrecked room.
His touch is gentle now. He brushes my hair out of my face and behind my ear. His fingers continue to trail down my face and along my neck. When he makes it to the top of my shoulder his large hand fans out to cup the back of my neck. It’s a sweet gesture but also a very possessive one. Being his brings me comfort because possession isn’t a one way street with us.
“Haven’t you figured out by now, nothing registers for me when you’re near. That’s why I pushed you away so much when this began. It’s hard to be alert around you. As you can see, the house could pretty much fall down around us and I wouldn’t notice unless you were hurt.”
“You really don’t want me to go to that meeting, do you?” I’ve asked this question many times, but I think I’m finally open-minded enough to hear him.
“I think if you go I’ll miss something. It not only puts you in danger but also your brother and all of our friends.”