Page 22 of The Best Number
“I don’t know. I guess it might help. Every time I think I’m over it, he sneaks up on me, getting me all riled up again.” I draw in a deep breath before continuing, “We never should have got married. It was a whirlwind. We’d only been together six months. I can’t even say I was young and naïve. I was twenty-seven when I met him. And I let my mum convince me I wasn’t going to have too many other chances.” I close my eyes, frustration bubbling up in my gut.
“I had doubts, even on the morning of the wedding, and I still went through with it. It taught me a lot about trusting my gut, that’s for sure.”
Tom’s hand covers mine, giving me a gentle squeeze.
“I’m not convinced I ever properly loved him. And I know he didn’t love me. You wouldn’t treat someone you love like that. I don’t think he’s even capable of love.” I pause again, taking another breath, as the memories of how awful I felt flood me. “He was banging his secretary. What a fucking cliche. But not just that, he was on the dating apps, too. Who fucking knows how many other women he slept with while we were together? I don’t think I’ll ever get the truth.”
Jack’s hand brushes up and down my back. Our eyes meet as he asks, “What the fuck was he playing at? Why marry you if he was going to do that?”
“He’s a narcissist. I didn’t see it when we got together. But he just wanted a collection of people to admire him. We weren’t real people to him, with feelings. Just a fan club. And I wasn’t enough of a simp for him. He had to cheat over and over again to get his adoration from as many people as possible.” I give a rueful smile.
“Thank goodness for therapy. It really opened my eyes. Made me realise that while I had my own misconceptions about marrying him, that there was nothing I could do to change him. I think it helps that I didn’t truly love him. I’ve stopped feeling guilty for going into that marriage with my own fucked up idea that it was my only chance at happiness. I know that I was wrong about that. But he still can’t see what a massive twat he was. Even after I caught him cheating, he thought I’d stay with him for the security. I am so glad I got my shit together to rent my flat and met you guys. He will never admit that he’s in the wrong. I refuse to let someone like that be part of my life. I deserve better.”
“Yes, you do.” The sincerity rings clear in Tom’s voice. “Thank you for telling us, Mac. I’m glad you’re rid of him now.”
“Me too,” I agree, squeezing his hand that’s still holding mine.
As I finish up my pancakes, I tell Jack and Tom that I need to head home. Exhaustion from the excitement of the night before, the encounter with my ex, and then opening up about my failed marriage, weighs me down. Both guys seem reluctant for me to leave and I can’t help but feel disappointed that what had been an awesome night, has ended on a more sour note. I don’t dare apologise again, as Jack seems to have found my previous attempts offensive. But I can’t just leave without saying something. “Jack, Tom, that really was truly the best night of my life. I don’t know how to thank you. It was everything I dreamedof and more.” I mean every word. I know I’ll be remembering what happened for years to come.
“Did you get enough for your book, Cass? If we missed anything, we can always try now?” Jack grins.
“I’ve got plenty to keep me busy writing. Thank you.” I smile. “And I meant it when I said that this book will be dedicated to you both. In fact, I think I might crack on with it as soon as I get back.”
Tom frowns as watches me. “Make sure you take it easy today, Cassidy. We all had a busy night. You need to allow your body some time to rest.”
He really is a teddy bear; keen to take care of everyone, and I’ve already come to care for him deeply in the short time we’ve known each other.
“Is it okay if I wear your robe home? It’s easier than putting my dress back on,” I ask Jack.
“Sure thing, doll. When will we see you again?” Jack asks. “I don’t want you to feel awkward and avoid me now I’ve had my wicked way with you. Let’s make a date to catch up. You know, as friends.”
“I have no plans this week other than a call with my ex this afternoon and writing this book now you’ve both given me plenty of inspiration and ideas to crack on. I’m easy—just come and knock when you have some spare time.”
“Are you going to be okay talking to your ex?” Tom asks. “Need some moral support?”
“It’ll be fine. I suspect he’s salty that I got in with the divorce papers first. But I really need to get this sorted, so I had to get things moving.”
“Well, good luck,” Tom tells me. “And if you need a hug or some company after you’ve spoken to him, you know where we are.” He looks across at Jack and then back at me. “Well… whereJack is. I might not be here, but I’m sure he’ll give you a hug if you need it.”
“Can I get your number?” I ask Tom.
“What, so you can both talk about how awesome I am?” Jack jokes.
“Of course,” Tom says. I give him my phone with a New Contact card open and he thumbs in his number. “I’ll let you pick my name.”
“You don’t want to be just Tom?” I tease.
“You’re more inventive than that, Mac.”
I smile at his nickname for me, taking a moment to think, and then type in a name that brings a big smile to my face. I grab my bag and give both guys a kiss on the cheek before heading over to the door.
“I obviously didn’t do a good enough job, Cass, because you’re still looking me in the eye,” Jack says as he grins saucily at me. I let out a laugh.
“See ya later, boys.”
Chapter eleven
Jack