Page 11 of Bruise Me Tenderly

“Well, I don’t,” I say firmly. “When you told him no at the party, that should’ve been the end of it. He had no right to do what he did to you.”

“I know, I know. I just… I feel like I should’ve been able to stop him. And I know that’s ridiculous to think, but I can’t help it. A part of me feels as guilty as if I’d hurt you myself.”

“Oh, Judson.” It’s all I can say. There aren’t any words to encompass what I’m feeling. It’s hard to wrap my head around everything Judson just told me. The only thing I can focus on right now is the man standing in front of me, who’s believed for six years that he could have prevented what happened to us somehow.

I pull him close, and he hesitates a long moment before relaxing his body. He lays his head on my shoulder, and I hug him as tight as I can. Try to tell him without words how much I still care about him. How I could never blame him for something that was so far out of his control.

I know he’s not going to let go of the guilt overnight, but I’m determined to help him as much as he’ll let me.

Seven

Judson

After I tell River the truth, things become a little easier between us. I still feel guilty as hell about what happened, but now that River knows, I feel it a little less.

We talk mostly on his lunch breaks over the next couple of days but make plans to meet up on his day off. When Saturday comes around, I’m more nervous than I thought I’d be. It’s a strange feeling because I’m rarely nervous about anything.

When we meet up at the coffeehouse, some of my nervousness fades, leaving room for something else I haven’t felt in a while. Heat builds quickly in my body, spreading a flush to my skin.

Since I’ve been back in town, I’ve only seen River in his work scrubs. While he looks great in those, it’s no comparison to how he looks now. He’s wearing blue jeans that hug his perfect ass, and a white T-shirt is stretched across his broad chest.

I know it’s a terrible idea to let myself feel any kind of attraction to him, but I can’t stop it. Just like when we were kids, I’m drawn to him. And I don’t think that’s going away anytime soon.

“Hey,” he says when I reach him. “I got you a house coffee with extra sugar.”

“Thanks. McKenzie swore I’d stop liking sugar in my coffee as I got older, but it still hasn’t happened.” I slide into the chair opposite him and pull my cup closer. “You look great.”

“Thanks.” His smile turns shy before his expression turns serious. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m okay.” It’s as honest an answer as I can give him. Confessing the truth to him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but he responded with more grace than I deserved.He doesn’t see it as my fault, but I can’t let that piece of our story go. Maybe one day, but not yet.

“How’s McKenzie?” River asks.

“Oh, you know. The doctor told her to take it easy, so naturally she’s trying to put together all the nursery furniture she’s been letting stack up the last eight months. I’ve managed to convince her to let me put it all together this Tuesday.”

“If you want to wait until Wednesday, I can help,” River offers. “I have that day off next week.”

My heart jumps at the offer, the promise of spending more time alone with River. “You sure? You don’t…have plans with anyone?”

“Are you trying to covertly ask me if I have a boyfriend?” River asks with a little laugh. “If I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here flirting with you, would I?”

The heat from earlier flushes my cheeks, and I grip the mug tighter before confessing to him. “I needed to make sure.”

“Hoping to have your way with me before you go back to Seattle?” he teases.

It’s so similar to something he would’ve joked about before Ian that my chest lifts with the release of pressure. It’s so nice to hear River say something like that, to see his sly smile and the hint of a challenge in his eyes.

“Maybe I was thinking about it,” I say with an innocent shrug.

He hesitates a moment, his gaze bouncing from me to the door and back. And his voice turns almost shy when he asks, “Do you want to come with me to my apartment?”

***

I feel like we can’t get out of the café fast enough. Can’t get to River’s apartment fast enough. After what I told him about Ian, I’d expected him to pull back, not flirt with me. Certainly not invite me back to his place.

“I’ve missed you,” River breathes, moving his mouth down to kiss along the column of my throat.

“I’ve missed you too.” That’s not adequate for the way I’ve felt without him. Like I’m missing a piece of myself.