Page 81 of A Vow of Shadows

The small boat ran ashore, throwing me forward. My father’s hand ripped from mine as I careened into Evander. I looked around, but still the fog remained too dense to see beyond.

“It will clear for him alone,” Evander explained.

A splash sounded, and I twisted around to see my father standing knee-deep in the water.

I screamed. “Father!”

Evander’s hands wrapped around my middle as I reached for the man who had devoted the last years of his life to helping me.

He looked at me, took in Evander’s arms around me, and smiled. “I always told myself I would not rest until you were taken care of. It seems I may rest easy now.”

I leaned into Evander’s strength, giving my father this final gift, even if it wasn’t real. As he faded from view, I was overcome by the sense of being unmoored—only in part due to the boat in which we stood. In the space of a single night, I’d lost one of the few tethers I had to the mortal world. Only my mother remained there. With my father beyond and Evander at my side,I was stretched thin by the desire to be in three places at once. I knew then that wherever I ended up, I would abandon parts of myself with those I did not choose. The woman I’d been on the eve of my birthday had been irrevocably severed, but I needed to decide who I wanted to become when I was forged anew.

Chapter 49

The Ferrier

From the moment I met her, Katrin had burned with the fury of a wildfire. Life—or Fate, it would seem—had beaten her down, but still, she had fought. She had raged.

That fire was gone now, snuffed out by grief and her own impending doom. I couldn’t stand to see her light dimmed, to watch the vibrant woman be reduced to ashes.

We journeyed to the manor in somber silence. Everything I thought to say failed to articulate the despair I felt for Katrin. Nothing would ease the hurt that weighed down her shoulders and hollowed her chest. And so, the quiet stretched until it was all that lay between us, a chasm I longed to bridge.

Keeping the reins in one hand, I reached between us to intertwine our fingers. Her hand remained limp in mine, but she didn’t pull away.

It was near dawn when we returned toTyr Anigh,and still, she had not spoken. I kept hold of her hand as we reached the foyer, reluctant to let go even as she made to head upstairs. The resistance gave her pause, and she glanced down at our conjoined hands. Finally, she lifted red-rimmed eyes to me andvoiced the question that had likely plagued her from the moment she saw her father’s spirit.

“Do you think I did it?”

“No.” The word was quick and sure. I would be confident if she could not.

She turned away as tears fell anew. I pulled her back toward me, wrapping her in my arms. Though she did not resist, her body did not immediately melt into mine as it usually did. She pressed her face into my shoulder, trembling from the tension that held her rigid. I willed my strength to her. If only I had the ability to take away pain, I would fix the broken parts of us.

“No,” I said again, more firmly this time. “Fate is a tangled web of possibilities. One can get lost following the threads of human will. Your father died because he’d reached the end of his own thread, something that would have happened regardless of your actions.”

“Fuck, Fate,” she growled. “I’ve half a mind to cutherthread.”

“Bold words.” Though they lost the heat of their fire to my shirtsleeve.

She pulled back, not out of reach, but far enough to lift her face to mine. “I’m just so angry and so tired” Her fists clenched at her sides.

“I know, Kat.”

Like a marionette whose strings had been cut, she collapsed. I gathered her to me, willing to take on whatever burdens she would share. “What do you want to do?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Then pack your things. We’ll leave. We’ll join Sam and recruit allies to our cause. There are others who would stand against him. We can fight this. I’m prepared to fight, to flee, to stay. Anything for you.” My heart raced as I gave voice to my plan. I showed my cards and held my breath that she would do the same.

“To what end? What are we fighting for anymore? I look in the mirror, and I don’t even recognize myself. The life I thought I wanted is…” She trailed off, eyes uncertain as she fought the truth that was in her soul.

“Is what?” I asked.

“Inconsequential.”

The word was the whisper of flint on steel, igniting the flame of hope in my chest. She turned her face. With a gentleness that belied the fire raging within me, I brushed away her falling tears.

“Why?” I asked, drawing her eyes back to mine. “Why, Kat?”