Page 34 of Cannon
“What do you all want to drink? I’ll grab those, then get you snacks.”
“I’d like some of the lemonade,” Jesse said.
“Me too. Thanks, Flick,” Cannon replied.
Jesse waited for Flick to walk off. It was the first time they’d been alone since they’d opened gifts. She’d kissed Cannon’s cheek, but it didn’t adequately express how the presents had made her feel.
“I love the gifts. They were thoughtful, and it’s like you know me.”
“I had some help with trying to think of what you’d like. I didn’t grow up in a family like yours. Relationships aren’tsomething I’m familiar with, but tomorrow, I have my first appointment to help me figure out the person I need to be. I’m glad you liked them. The smile on your face made me realize I want to put smiles on your face, not tears. One of your sisters asked me if I’d apologized yet and I’ve gone back over our conversations. I know you didn’t want to talk about anything before until I’m off pain pills, but I know I haven’t apologized. I also know there is probably more than just being angry and yelling at you at lunch that I need to apologize for. I think that talking with someone will help me. I promise you I will apologize but I want to make sure it’s not an empty one that’s just a checkmark for us to move to the next step. I want it to mean something and for it to mean something, I think I need to talk about some things.”
Jesse listened to Cannon and her heart ached for the boy he was and the man he’d become who now sat before her. Jesse had never doubted she was loved, no matter how much she and her mom disagreed. She and Cannon were coming from two completely different backgrounds. If he needed some time, she was more than willing to give it to him. She’d taken her own sweet time and hadn’t told him about the pregnancy.
“I will wait as long as you need because I’m in this for the long haul. Now, how about we enjoy someone else’s disagreement?”
Cannon leaned closer. “What do you know?”
Jesse smiled. “Let’s just say those animals for our shower aren’t on loan for today.”
Cannon glanced over at the miniature horse, miniature cow, two goats, and a rabbit and started chuckling. Then he slapped his good leg and laughed harder.
Jesse adored seeing him so carefree and happy after the heaviness of their talk. Honestly, she found it funny too that even after all the years they’d been together, Regina and Baron still disagreed on things. Jesse might share a lot with Cannon,but she’d probably keep Regina’s comment about blow jobs to herself. She could see it nauseating Cannon too.
Flick dropped off their drinks and Tasha brought plates for them with a variety of snacks. When Blake, Grant, Phoebe, and David headed to wash their hands to have food, Jesse noticed Baron looking at the animals and the food table.
“Hey Regina, shouldn’t the kids wait to eat? When will the animals be picked up?” Baron yelled across the lawn.
“Papa Baron, Snoball, Oreo, Bluebell, Toffee, and Snickerdoodle are home,” Phoebe called.
“Who’s Snoball, Oreo, and the rest of those you said?” Baron asked.
Phoebe and Blake left their plates and ran over to Baron, each grabbing a hand. The area was quiet enough that it wasn’t a problem at all to listen in.
“Papa Baron, Snoball is the white goat, and Oreo is the black and white goat,” Blake informed Baron.
“Yeah, and Bluebell is the cow and Toffee is the horse,” Phoebe said.
Blake pulled Baron a little closer to the side. “And that is Snickerdoodle. My rabbit at my house is Chocolate Chip. I told Nana Regina that we might need to get a donkey because Daddy Roam read to me that they help keep goats safe from coyotes.”
Baron nodded his head and turned toward where Regina was standing. Jesse bit her lip, holding her laughter in, though she didn’t know why. Half the people outside were quietly chuckling. She was positive they were trying to keep it down because Baron’s face was calm. Jesse would love to know what he was thinking.
“Is this because of the sourdough starter?” Baron asked.
Cannon laughed until his chair shook. The laughter from everyone else was so loud Jesse would not have been able to hearRegina’s answer if she had. Jesse adored her family and couldn’t wait for her girls to be here and be a part of this.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Cannon had finished his fourth therapy session and Bear had dropped him off at the house. Flick was showing up with lunch and something else he had planned. Cannon was thankful for the distraction. His therapy today had uncovered a lot, and he had a small assignment from his therapist. Tell Jesse one thing about his childhood. It could be good or bad, whichever he’d rather share. He realized in talking to his therapist that he distanced himself so he could protect himself. Not only would he not have to deal with losing them, but he also wouldn’t be disappointed if they let him down.
Let him down. Such an understatement for what his dad had done. Bear had no idea how much Cannon and he had in common with less than good bio parents. His therapist had also told him he needed to write for twenty minutes first thing in the morning. Just get out everything that was in his head. And then ignore it. When he was at his appointment, the therapist would glance through and see if they needed to discuss something.
The therapist had also said a phrase and made Cannon repeat it. Cannon was to say it aloud it himself whenever he started to blame himself for what happened.I am not to blame for my father’s behavior.He was in his forties and sometimes he still wondered what he’d done wrong. But the therapist had told Cannon he’d done nothing wrong. His dad bore all the blame because he was an adult who had chosen to abuse his child.I am not to blame for my father’s behavior.
Flick walked in the door and set two containers of food on the coffee table and then grabbed a DVD out of the other sack. Once he’d started it, he put Cannon’s drink on his side table and opened one of the containers. Flick handed it to him with some plasticware. Cannon saw it was chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy. He wondered how he would cut it with only one usable hand.
“I had Bear pre-cut your steak, so if you don’t need anything we can get started.”
“Get started with what?” Cannon asked.