Page 39 of Cannon
Jesse took his hand and laid it on her chest, over her heart.
“I’m crying because I love you. And I’m so scared that you love me because of the babies. I want you to love me for me.”
Cannon swallowed as she looked at him and pulled his chair closer. Jesse heard the door quietly close. Clara must have decided to give them some privacy.
“I told you I wouldn’t apologize until I knew what I was apologizing for. With everything I’ve been learning, I’m ready. I’m so incredibly sorry I didn’t tell you what being with you last Christmas Eve meant to me. I had my heart locked tight and didn’t think I would ever have a relationship. I’m sorry I ignored you and didn’t tell you how special it had been. I was doing everything I could to keep my heart safe. I apologize for yelling at you at lunch when I found out about the pregnancy. The only excuse I have is a deep-seated fear of being a father like I’d had, but it isn’t really an excuse.”
Cannon brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her fingertips. “I am sorry for telling the guys you were immature, and I’d never consider a serious relationship. I know you didn’t know I said that, but I need to come clean about everything. They were teasing me, saying my eyes followed you everywhere months ago. Their words hit too close to the truth. I know that all the sorries can’t ever take away the pain you felt. I hope that you’ll let me spend the rest of my life making it up to you because, Jesse, when I’m with you, I’m not cold anymore. You melted the ice around my heart and for the first time in a very longtime, I love someone. It scares me loving you and the girls. So many things could happen and losing you would rip my heart out of my chest. But my therapist has reminded me, there are no guarantees. Only the possibility of a beautiful love with you. Yes, I love the babies. But I loved you first. You’re my first, my last, and my always. And I was so scared I was going to lose you today before I told you.”
Jesse leaned toward Cannon, trying to reach him. Between her belly and his casts, she gave up and flipped the recliner down so she could drop to her knees beside him. She slid her arms around his waist and laid her head on his lap.
“I was petrified, and I love you so much.”
She sat there for a little bit, letting Cannon run his fingers through her hair as she basked in the knowledge his note was right. Theirs was going to be the greatest love story ever written.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Cannon grabbed the bar above his head and pulled himself up with his good hand. Yesterday, Jesse had been around the house most of the day. Cannon hadn’t had a chance for Clara to hide the notes, but Locks had come over to help Jesse with a project. He still couldn’t believe what Jesse had done for him.
She had installed a bar above their bed so he could lift himself up to a sitting position in bed and also use it to slide himself into his wheelchair. Even though he wouldn’t be in a wheelchair much longer, she’d modified his so the right-hand side arm slid out, then she’d installed a board that was hooked to the bed. He could now get out of bed by himself. Was he a little bit of a horn dog if he imagined Jesse using the bar to balance herself over him?
When she’d been drawing stuff out for the babies’ room, he’d enlisted Locks’ help to hide the notes. He’d changed one of them after he and Jesse had talked. He’d had Locks hide one in the jar under the sink she kept the dishwasher tabs in.
Locks had walked over and patted him on the shoulder and whispered, “I’m proud of you, son.” Even with all the tears he and Jesse had wept, he’d had to fight to not cry again.
He helped himself into the bathroom because he was going to try to piss while sitting down in his chair. The freedom of taking care of himself had him wanting to do it all on his own. He didn’t know how he missed it last night, but the bathroom had the same pulley system above the toilet along with a contraption that look like it bridged the space between his chair and the toilet. He’d known Jesse was smart with all the modificationsshe made to the vehicles, but he wondered how many other things his woman was capable of.
He finished his business, along with brushing his teeth. He wasn’t going to chance changing clothes until someone was here to help. He wasn’t stupid. He grabbed one of his caps and slid it on.
Jesse was in the kitchen with her breakfast. She turned at the sound of his wheelchair and gave him the smile he was looking forward to seeing every day. Her skin tone was back to its peaches and cream color without any added flushing. They’d decided they didn’t need to have her seen when she was back to normal after resting.
“How did it feel to be able to get out of bed and pee without anyone helping?” she asked.
“Like I’m king of the world. You are brilliant,” he said, leaning over to touch her belly and kiss it. “Good morning, girls. Are you being good for Mommy?”
Cannon thought he would feel stupid talking to his unborn daughters, but Flick had given him all this information. If even half of it was true, he was following it.
“Yes, except for when one of them started kicking my bladder this morning. I went ahead and got up because I was awake.”
Cannon poured himself a cup of coffee. Jesse had moved things around so he could reach some things from his wheelchair. He appreciated being able to do some things for himself. When he turned around and wheeled closer to the table, she slid a plate with a slice of pumpkin bread, banana bread, and a sausage roll from the diner. Without being able to work out, he couldn’t imagine how many pounds he was putting on. He’d be working to get back in shape after the casts were off.
“Thank you,” he said, pulling up his email. He and Jesse had a routine in the mornings. He wasn’t a morning person before having coffee and food. Jesse wasn’t either. Add in she didn’t getthe caffeine she was used to, and they both had a quiet truce in the morning until they were ready to interact.
He had an offer from his insurance company on his bike. He opened it, knowing what he’d see. Of course, it had been totaled because the wreck had destroyed it. Their offer was fair, so he went ahead and approved that yes, he was accepting it. It’s not like it was able to be ridden. He had another bike he used sporadically, so he wasn’t in a rush to replace it. Sure, he wanted another nice bike because he looked forward to him and Jesse being able to take a ride. But that was a long way in the future. Jesse had to have the babies. He had to heal, and then they both had to be comfortable leaving the babies. Although with their family, he could so see everyone converging on them. He might need to set some boundaries so he could hold his own kids.
“Are you going in today?” he asked, hoping she said no. He knew she couldn’t stay home forever, but it worried him, her being there after what had happened. He wondered if she’d be annoyed if he offered to hang out with her today.
“I need to. I’m not looking forward to it. He changed my happy place. I know Dad said the front gate would go back to being locked but still. He caught me unaware.”
Cannon put his hand on Jesse’s arm. “I don’t want you to take this like I don’t think you’re capable. I think you’re an amazing, kickass, fierce woman. But I’m uncomfortable having you that far away from me today. I could go hang at work with you. I can take my laptop to keep busy, so I don’t annoy you with questions.”
Jesse grinned. “I’d like that. Sarah and Scoop have wanted a system that notified everyone when someone came on the property by the garage. I’ve resisted because I hate being bothered with notifications, but I think it’s time.”
Cannon nodded. One crisis averted. He and his therapist had discussed Cannon’s need to control everything. Histherapist had suggested that Cannon explain why he was doing something, not just saying it had to be a certain way. Cannon was quite proud of himself that he offered Jesse a choice. He would have rather wrapped her in a quilt and kept her in the house, unable for anyone to hurt her or the girls. But it wasn’t feasible, and it wasn’t any way to live.
Jesse was a lot more relaxed, knowing Cannon was with her. She had a couple of people helping her at the garage, but both were part-time and only worked certain days. Since the pregnancy test had turned positive, she’d been trying to figure out what to do. She loved her garage, and she really enjoyed teaching the girls from the high school.
Originally, she and her sisters had opened up the garage to allow other work because she hadn’t been staying busy with the bail bonds vehicles. The MC garage had focused on only bikes. Now the MC garage also did car work, but they also funneled their extra work to a garage in Coldwater. They’d helped the owner out on Christmas Eve and continued helping this year.