Page 52 of Forbidden Fruit
When Lino asked for time to figure out his feelings and whatever is going on between us, I immediately accepted because I needed to do the same.
Is he hot as hell and such a good dad I melt every time I watch him with his kids? Yes.
Am I ready to be full in this with him and not only become a good partner for him but a step-mum?
That’s not a question I thought I would have to ask myself at twenty-four. I’ve never even had a relationship before, too focused on paying my mother’s medical bills while my aunt took advantage of me, and then on just surviving.
Living here, on the Marquesi’s property, has been the most peaceful I’ve ever felt. The rent I pay Lino is outrageously cheap and now he has paid for my night-school tuition, I’ve dedicate my evenings and weekends to it. My first exams are coming up at the end of September and it feels good to move my life in the right direction finally.
Yet, when it’s time to think about moving, a deep ball of unease and sorrow lodges itself in my gut.
It’s been a month since our last kiss and I’ve been ruminating, deciding then changing my mind, scribbling on theidentical journal I bought myself when I got the one for Lino and the kids. I need to talk to my friend.
Jade immediately agrees when I ask her to meet me in town for coffee and I tell her everything that happened.
“Babe, it’s been a month. A man who wants you doesn’t need a month to decide that he wants to be with you. Not with the way he ate your pussy,” she exclaims, outraged.
“Jade!” I look around us to see if anyone heard her, but no one pays us any attention. My cheeks heat and I laugh, then sober again. “It’s not only about him, though. Our relationship involves the kids and I’m my own person with my own dreams. What if they don’t align?”
“Well, he gave you money to study, so I’d say that’s not the issue here.”
It’s impressive how a good friend will give you the fresh perspective when you need it.
“I guess,” I muse.
“And besides, don’t you love the kids?” she asks softly.
Every day I watch Anton and Livia grow and my heart melts at how much of their own people they are becoming. Anton’s creativity has sparked with the journal I gave him when I found the stand at the local market. I couldn’t resist getting one for Lino, hoping he would use it to untangle his thoughts. It was a selfish gift, but it also fitted him. The elegant black leather reminded me of his presence. Even the smell made me think of him. And Anton just loves doing anything his father does. Now that he has it, he scribbles away pages after pages of little doodles that he proudly shows me every day after school.
Livia couldn’t care less about hers, busy playing with stuffed animals and plastic cars and inventing worlds full of magic and wonders.
“You’re thinking about them and smiling, Vivi,” Jade states before placing a hand on mine. “I’m not one to believe in fairytales and true love, Vanessa, but you look like a woman in love. And from what you’re saying, you’re asking yourself all the right questions. You already know the answers. Get your man, the kids, and your dream job.”
“Isn’t it too much to ask?” I mutter.
I know I’ve been a go-getter ever since that night I left my aunt’s house and promised myself I’d never go back and work for what I want. But my life has been filled with such grief and pain, it’s hard to just lean in with full confidence when the good things are shining on the horizon.
“No babe, it’s not. And if Lino makes you think it is, he’s not the one.” I nod and embrace her, grateful for her friendship and sage advice, as always. Jade might be just a few years older than me, but her soul is wise beyond her years.
“Thank you, Jade. You truly are special. What about you and Ritchie? How’s it been living with him?” With the way she rolls her eyes at the question, I know he did some shady shit again.
“That conversation deserves wine. Let’s get to Mario’s pizzeria. I'm starving!”
It’s Thursday night, a week after my conversation with Jade. I’ve been swallowed up by my homework and prepping for my exam and barely had time to think about how Lino and I are going to navigate our potential relationship, or if there is even one.
We text every night and I know he writes in his journal, but we haven’t made any progress yet, so I’m excited when Lino invites me to stay for dinner.
I’m mesmerised as I watch him expertly tying a high ponytail on Livia’s head. His long fingers wrap a tie around the very thin blonde hair with purposeful movements. Lino looks perfectly at ease with the task, his brown unfurrowed and shoulders relaxed.
Once he’s done, Livia hops off his lap with a thank you and returns to playing. I stare for a long moment as he simply watches his daughter, then stands to join me. I whirl around, not willing to be caught gawking at a man simply being a father. Though he’s not any man and his love for his children is probably his most attractive trait. His heart is so full he doesn’t know where to put all his love, and that makes me hopelessly foolish. Because I want to be part of that.
His home feels like I could belong. Like I wouldn’t have to run after what I want, nor go from place to place to chase survival. When I imagine myself with Lino, it’s like I finally reach the shore after a storm that lasted all my life.
He takes me out of my reverie when he lays a gentle hand on mine that hasn’t stopped stirring the salad dressing for a good five minutes. “Can I help you with something,zitella?” His voice caresses the back of my neck and I wish he’d just kiss me there. Goosebumps rise on my skin, and my nipples pucker with that thought.
“Mmm. Can you peel and cut the cucumbers, please?”
He sets on his task while I clean and cut the tomatoes, then lay them on a tray with basil leaves. Our bodies are so close to each other, our elbows keep grazing and every time, lightning strikes in my blood, heating me from the inside out.