Page 48 of Sweet Dreams
Iguide Teagan to the couch; when we lock eyes, I see worry. I can’t fault her, and I’m worried too. I wait for her to sit, and I shift to sit sideways.
“How bad is this talk, Silas? On a scale of one to ten?”
“A solid nine.”
“Jesus Christ. I need a shot of whiskey. Today of all days, you want to break shit down.” Leaning back, she rests her head against the couch's backrest. Covering her eyes with the heel of her palms. “Lay it out.” She drops her hands, staring straight.
“You’ve asked about why I moved to Holden. It was to escape some shady people, but that didn’t last long. I ended up back there anyway.”
“Ended up where?” She tilts her head my way.
“The city,” I quietly say.
Her eyebrows furrow, and I can tell she’s thinking hard. “But you said you wanted to move to the city but ended up here.”
“I left the city. I lived there my whole life and needed a change. I work for a guy named Leroy and have been since I moved out of my parent’s house. He caught me one day trying to steal his car; since then, I’ve been stealing cars for him. I’m not proud of it. I tried to leave, and that’s why I moved here, but your past has a way of never lettinggo.”
I let her process everything before telling her the next lie I’ve been holding in. She slowly nods, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.
“When you left the first time, is that where you went?”
“Yeah. It was only meant to be a quick job, but Leroy has a way of turning quick jobs into long, torturous ones. I wanted to tell you but didn’t have an excuse.”
“The truth would’ve been nice.”
“I know, and I’m sorry about that; I just didn’t want you to think I was a horrible person for stealing to make a living.”
She grabs my hands. “Silas, I’m not a judgmental person. What you do to make a living is none of my business. Unless you kill or rape a person, then we have problems. Otherwise, I won’t sit here and tell you what to do with your life. Do I wish you didn’t have to do that? Yes, but I’m not going to say how disappointed I am. No one is perfect.”
Well, fuck me. Only Teagan could pull the supportive card when I don’t deserve it. I should’ve known she wouldn’t judge, but in the back of my mind, that trust card kept flipping over and wouldn’t settle.
“My trust issues get in the way, Teagan. I’m trying.” She moves in for a hug, but I stop her. “I have something else to say, and this one might hurt.”
She straightens up and faces me. This is gonna be hard. How do I tell the person that I’m falling for that I’ve been stalking them and fucked with and without the mask. She’s going to hate me. I need to do it quickly, like pulling a band-aid off a hairy leg. I reach behind me and pull the mask that was left on the lawn from behind the pillow. I’m glad I arrived before her, but she never questioned how I got into her house before showing her the mask.
“Aren’t you going to ask how I got into your house?”
Her face pales. “I was filled with so many emotions that I never clued in.” I notice her hands trembling as I gently try to reach for the necklace hidden beneath her shirt.
I take the mask from behind me and gently place it in her lap, causing her body to tense up a bit. I pull the matching necklace from beneath my hoodie and watch tears fall instantly.
“The first moment I saw you, I wanted you, Teagan. But I was a coward; being the new person in town, I didn’t know how to be me. So, I hide behind the mask. I didn’t think you would like me for me, so I watched you from afar. Then I heard you telling Elma tomind her business about me, and that was the first time in my life somebody had stood up for me. I’ve never had that before. But I didn’t know if you were just doing it to be nice or because you liked me. So, I still hid behind the mask. And with each passing day, as I got to know you, I didn’t know how to lose the mask and be myself around you; I didn’t want you to hate me.”
She drops her head back. “You didn’t want to hurt me. You realize how stupid that sounds. You built this entire relationship on lies.” Her gaze meets mine, her eyes cold and void of emotion. “How can I ever trust you? You took advantage of me and our friendship. Does that hold no value to you?”
“That wasn’t my intention; I need you to know that. I hid because I didn’t want you to know I was a failure.”
Her eyes widen, and she touches her chest. “Oh, so this is about you?” And points to me.
I grind my teeth in frustration. “No.”
“Then break it down for me because it seems like you're turning it around, so it’s my fault now.”
This argument isn’t getting me anywhere, and how the fuck did we start fighting? I expected her to cry and scream at me to leave her house, not this.
“You’re getting my words mixed up. I never once said it was your fault.” She raises her hand, stopping me.
“I didn’t want you to think I was a failure. That’s damn near blaming me for you to be acting like a coward, Silas. It’s not my fault that you aren’t brave enough to get your shit together and be the person that you are. You could’ve ended your stalking ways days after we met; you fucked me in the cornfield a fucking week ago,” she yells. “How do you think that makes me feel? Do you have any idea how scared I've been knowing there's been someone following me around? And here it’s been you this whole time, and you acted unfazed during the day when we hung out.” She moves across the couch, curling her knees into her chest. “Oh my god. You fucking followed me after I left your place to the park,” she softly murmurs, resting her head on her knees.