Page 14 of Perfect Enough

Me: Look at us, getting the personal thing out of the way first. What are your plans for today?

Sophia: I have no actual plans. I have weekends off, including Fridays. I was planning on cleaning and mopping my floors.

I chuckled as I glanced up again to see if I was still alone.

Me: Whoa, slow down there. Those are some pretty intense plans.

Sophia: My best friend, Chloe, wants me to go out with her and a few of our friends tonight.

Me: Why don’t you?

It took her a good three minutes before she started to type.

Sophia: Have you ever had your heart broken, Josh?

Me: Honestly? No, I haven’t. But I’m a great listener if you want to talk about it.

Sophia: I don’t even know you yet; I don’t want to spill my heart to you.

Me: Maybe not knowing me makes me a safe space for you to share your feelings.

Sophia: Maybe. Are you at work?

Me: I am, and if a call comes in, I’ll have to go, but I’ll be back. Tell me what’s going on.

It felt like she waited a lifetime before she texted back.

Sophia: I feel lost. Well, maybe lost isn’t the right word. I don’t feel happy. And going out and acting happy would only make me feel like a fake. Does that make sense?

Me: Yes, I think it does. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad, Sophia. The loss of someone you love is very traumatic. And it sounds like your douchebag of a boyfriend hurt you even more not long after your dad passed.

Sophia: He is a douchebag. And yes, he did. It felt like someone kicked me in the ribs while I was already lying on the frozen-cold ground, and I’ve still yet to catch my breath entirely. My mother thinks I’m being ridiculous and that I need to move on and start dating. I don’t know why she won’t drop it. It seems like she’s moved on from my father’s death relatively easily. She’s already dating, Josh! It hasn’t even been five months since he died.

Fuck. I could practically feel the grief coming off of this woman.

Me: Sophia…do you mind if I ask how your father died?

I stared at my phone as the minutes slowly ticked by and silently let out a curse. I’d asked the wrong question.

Quickly, I started to type out my apology when her one-word reply came in.

Sophia: Suicide.

Closing my eyes, I whispered, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Me: I am so sorry. I know those words are tossed around way too easily, but I truly am. And as for yourmother…maybe moving on is her way of dealing with her loss.

Sophia: I never thought about it that way. But I can’t move on by dating another guy. I think I just need a break from men, does that make sense? I mean, I don’t want to die an old lady surrounded by cats, dogs, and birds.

I looked at that last word and wanted to laugh.

Me: Not birds! The dogs and cats, yes. But birds?

Sophia: Don’t all people bird watch? You owe me a personal tidbit. Maybe like twenty. We really suck at that. I say we dissolve that rule.

Me: It appears I do, and I agree we should dissolve it.

Holding my breath, I waited for her to ask.