Page 71 of The Attack Zone
“It doesn’t matter if I love her because I can’t be with her,” I say.
“Why the fuck not?” Thomas half-yells. Caleb glares at him. “What? You just said it too.”
Caleb rolls his eyes before returning his attention to me. I stare back until I finally get up the strength to say, “I can’t handle myself. How am I supposed to handle another person?”
What I don’t say is that my parents couldn’t handle me, how is she supposed to?
“Stacey is a grown-ass woman,” Thomas says. “She can handle herself just fine.”
“Yeah,” Caleb says. “That’s not how relationships work. Cassie and I don’t handle each other and being with her didn’t heal my anxiety. But she’s there for me when it’s bad and her support makes it a bit easier. Your stuff is your responsibility but that doesn’t mean you can’t be with someone.”
“I just really don’t want to hurt her,” I say.
“I’m sorry, but you sound like you actually believe some of what that post said about you,” Matti says.
“Of course I believe the post. My own parents said those exact same things,” I say before I can stop myself.
The table goes quiet.
“Um ... what?” Caleb finally says.
“Is that why you don’t talk to them very often?” Thomas asks.
“At all,” I say.
“What?” he says.
“I don’t talk to them at all,” I say. “I haven’t since I was in juniors.”
Thomas nods along, realization in his eyes. All those times I said I was going home over the summer, all the times I made excuses for why they’re never at our games.
“When I signed my first NHL contract, they reached out to ask for money since they paid for my training growing up. I sent them every penny I had after my first season and never looked back,” I say.
“Jesus,” Matti says quietly.
“We’ll address you keeping this from me at a later date,” Thomas says. “Right now, you need to get your head out of your ass. Matti is right.”
“Thanks, man!” Matti says, reaching his fist out for a bump. I laugh a little because at least this guy is fitting in with our weird ritual.
“And how do you propose I do that?” I ask.
“Make an appointment with Dr. Chells to talk about this,” Caleb says.
“And stop being so damn hard on yourself. We love you and you aren’t a burden,” Thomas says.
“And go get her,” Matti says.
I sit there in silence, unsure of what to say. Of course I want to go get her. I’m in love with her. But I’ve also ignored her for days. I can’t just show up at her door with flowers or something and beg her to take me back.
Except ... Wait. That’s exactly what I have to do.
Holy shit. It’s perfect.
“I have to go,” I say. “I need to pick up some flowers.”
“You ... what?” Caleb asks.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say before throwing some cash on the table and standing up. “Thanks for your help, guys.”