Page 19 of From the Ashes
I howled again, my arms stretched out and my flannel flapping behind me. A moment later, another howl rose up next to me and I looked over to see Charlie finally joining in the fun. He’d neverbelieve it if I told him, but sometimes he could be just as wild as I was. I just had to coax it out.
As he turned his face up to the moon and let loose another howl, I couldn’t help but stare. That beautiful man, all dark and mysterious, was my best friend in the entire world. How I’d gotten so lucky, I didn’t know. But I was going to tell him how I felt tonight. And maybe, if the universe was smiling down on me, he’d want more than just friendship from me at last.
We reached the creek without incident, dropping our bikes at its rocky edge before working out way into the woods. There was a small bend in the creek where Charlie had built a fire ring. It was surrounded by trees and cut off from the rest of the world. Nobody driving into town would be able to see us, even after we lit a fire. He always kept all his supplies there, tucked under a rock in a waterproof bag. I couldn’t count the amount of nights we’d spent out there under the stars, just him and me and a warm fire crackling at our feet.
And tonight was no different. As soon as we reached the ring, Charlie built us a small fire before tucking his supplies away once more. In the meantime, I raided his backpack and uncapped the first bottle. Taking a swig, I shivered as the sharp alcohol taste hit my tongue. However, the next moment it was replaced by a nutty caramel flavor and I let out a satisfied sigh.
“Here,” I said, handing it over to Charlie. “It’s pretty good.”
He took the bottle, taking a small sip and wincing. “Y-Yeah. It’s g-great.” Then he stopped, smacking his lips. “Oh. You know what? That’s actually not bad.” He took another swig before handing it back to me. “Let’s be careful with that.”
“Uh-huh,” I nodded, taking a big gulp. I needed all the courage I could get for what I was about to say to him.
I took a seat on the ground, my back pressed up against the large fallen tree that protected our special place. Charlie threw another log on the fire and joined me, his shoulder touching mine. We handed the bottle back and forth, taking small sips to get our personal graduation celebration started.
“So… college next, huh?” I said, pulling my knees up to my chest. “And we’re both going to the same university.”
“I hope we can room together,” Charlie nodded. “I don’t really want to share a dorm with a stranger.”
“Well, if you room with me you might have to put up with a sock on the door all the time.” I laughed at my own joke, but I felt Charlie stiffen beside me. He always did that when I talked about dating or fucking other people. “You could put a sock on the door too,” I added. “No reason for you not to have a little fun as well.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know if that’s really my thing.”
“Like sex at all or hookups?”
“Hookups. Sex sounds good… I just don’t want it to be someone I don’t know, you know?” He shook his head, a pained laugh escaping his lips. “But then again, I never talk to anyone, so I’ll probably be a virgin forever.” He took another swig from the bottle. “I’ve never even been kissed.”
“Neither have I.”
Charlie looked up at me. “What?”
“Of course not! Do you really think I would’ve kissed someone and not told you about it?”
“I don’t know…” Charlie shrugged. “I figured you made out with people at those parties you went to.”
“You were therewithme.”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t babysitting you. I didn’t know what you might be up to.”
“Well, it wasn’t getting kissed or anything else for that matter.” I leaned back against the log, turning my face toward the stars. “You know… college is scary enough to begin with. But knowing that I’ll be going there as a virgin and without kissing anyone…” I blew out a long sigh. “I don’t know… it makes me think thatnobodyis ever going to want me.”
I saw Charlie turn to me out of the corner of my eye. He stared up at me, his jaw working as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the right words.
“You’ll find someone,” he finally said, his voice strained. “I’m sure of it.”
I closed my eyes, my head still tipped toward the sky. “What if I already have?”
Silence.
My heart was beating so loud I was sure Charlie could hear it. But I had to keep going. I’d come this far, and I couldn’t back down. Not now.
“Charlie… do you like girls?”
There was a long pause.
“N-No.”
“Do you like guys?”