Page 24 of From the Ashes
Dr. Roberts shook her head slowly. It took a moment before I realized what she was telling me. My hands went back to my mouth and I felt the tears flowing even harder now.
“No… No, she can’t be…”
“She didn’t survive the crash.”
I slumped in my chair, staring wide-eyed at the floor. Sobs wracked my body. Mrs. Miller was like a second mother to me. She’d been in my life for over eight years, feeding me dinner, getting after me for getting Charlie in trouble, and celebrating with me when I had my wins in life. More than once,shewas the one that baked my birthday cake or rescued me when I was too scared to call my own parents.
But I wasn’t crying for my own loss. I was crying for my friend. Charlie was lying in a hospital bed only a few yards away, completely unaware that his mother, the only parent he had left, was dead. By the time he woke up, she’d be in the ground, and he would’ve missed it all. The grief would be fresh for him while everyone else in the world had moved on.
All of it was so unfair that I wanted to puke. In fact, I was pretty sure I was going to.
I got up from the chair and ran across the room to the closest trash can and hurled up everything I’d eaten that day and then some. Dr. Roberts was behind me a moment later, handing me a box of Kleenex to wipe my face.
“I’m… I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay,” she nodded, sadness still filling her eyes. “I understand.”
I took a shuddering breath, wiping my mouth. “I need to see him. I need to see Charlie.”
“Okay. But I need to warn you, it’s not a pretty sight, alright?”
“I don’t care. I need to be by his side.”
Dr. Roberts led me out of her office, got me a bottle of water, and took me down to one of the private rooms at the end of the ward. It was one of the few with a solid door, which didn’t bode well. If Charlie was in such bad shape that he had to be hidden away, I couldn’t imagine how I was going to react to seeing him.
“He’s in here,” she said. “Visiting hours end at eight, but I’ll let the nurses know you might be here longer, okay?”
“Thank you.” She went to leave, but I reached out and touched her arm. “My… My parents are on their way here. We’re all the family Charlie has left. His father died when he was really young…”
“I’ll break the news to them,” she said, catching my meaning. “And put them down as family, okay?”
“Thank you.”
She gave me a soft smile and headed back to her duties. Meanwhile, I stood outside Charlie’s door trying to gather up all the courage I had. Still, it took me nearly a full minute before I could force myself to reach out and turn the door handle.
The first thing I heard was the regular beeping of the heart monitor followed by the slow whooshing of the breathing machine. Stepping inside, I found myself staring at more tubes, machines, and IV bags than I thought could possibly be for just one person. My eyes drifted down to the figure in the bed. Tubes exploded from his mouth and arms. Not to mention he was bandaged nearly from head to toe. The only reason I even knew it was Charlie was because of the tuft of darkhair poking out from under one of the bandages on his head and that one freckle he had under his left eye.
Immediately I felt my stomach lurch again. But I forced it back down. Tears streamed down my face, but I didn’t allow myself to sob or lose control of myself. I didn’t care if he was in a coma, I wouldn’t do that in front of Charlie. What he needed right now was reassurance, support, and love. I could lose control on my own time, when I wasn’t right next to him.
So, taking a deep breath, I went to the side of his bed. His right hand, one of the only parts of his body that wasn’t bandaged, sat on the scratchy hospital sheets. There was an IV stuck to the back of his hand, so I did my best to avoid it as I slid my fingers under his palm. The warm touch of his skin made me breathe a sigh of relief. Up until that point, I wasn’t fully convinced he was still alive.
I took a deep breath and kneeled down at the edge of the bed, his hand still in mine. Leaning forward, I kissed his fingers one at a time, trying my best not to cry all over him. The thought of him lying there, not knowing where he was or that his mother was dead, broke my heart into a million tiny pieces. His entire life had changed, and he had no idea. I would’ve traded my life at that moment to turn back the clock and stop it all from happening. But kneeling there, holding his hand, that was all the power I had. And it made me feelsoinadequate.
A colorful glint caught my eye as I kneeled. I glanced to the right and saw the opal arrowhead I’d given him all those years ago, sitting on the bedside table. The string had been cut, and it was caked with blood, but the arrowhead itself remained clean and intact. I felt my lip wobble and a lump rise in my throat as I looked at it. If only we could go back to the bright days when I’d given him that arrowhead and forget all about the future.
I wanted to talk to him. To tell him that everything was going to be alright. I wasn’t sure I believed all that nonsense about coma patients being aware of their surroundings. But I couldn’t stop myself from speaking either. I had to say something, even if it was only for myself.
“Don’t you fucking die on me, Charlie,” I said, tears and snot choking me as I tried to stop myself from falling apart. “Don’t you fucking dare. You and I have too much unfinished business for you to leave me now. We’re not over yet. Not by a long shot. So, you better fucking come back to me, alright?”
There was no sound except the whooshing of the breathing machine and the regular beeping of the heart monitor. Nothing changed. Nothing got better. Nothing convinced me that he could hear me.
“It’s okay,” I muttered, pressing his hand to my cheek. “I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait forever if I have to.” I let my face rest on the side of the bed, tears soaking the sheets. “I love you so much, Charlie.”
CHAPTER 9
Phoenix
“Honey… you need to get ready for school,” my mother said for the sixth time that week. “There’s only a few more days until classes start and you can’t miss freshman orientation.”