Page 50 of From the Ashes

“I c-can’t believe you ride,” he said, a grin pulling at his lips. “Your mother m-m-must hate that.”

“She does.” He was speaking sense again. That was a good sign. Not to mention, his breathing was much more regular. Although he was still shaking. “When I got home, Ted took it out for a spin. Nearly gave her a heart attack.”

“I-I saw.”

“So thatwasyou.”

He nodded. “You l-looked good.”

“Charlie boy,” I laughed, glancing down at him. “Are you flirting with me?”

He looked up at me, a smile filling his face. But then, as if someone had flipped a switch, the smile melted away and he began to cry. His body quaked more, but for a different reason this time. I had a feeling it was the aftershock of the panic attack setting in.

“Not the reaction I was hoping for, buddy,” I said, holding him tighter. “But I’ve got you. Don’t worry.”

“Y-You aren’t supposed to be h-here,” he sobbed, his face buried in my chest. “I don’t want you t-to see me l-like this!”

“It’s okay, Charlie.”

“No it’s not!” he cried, forcing himself out of my arms and onto the ground in front of me. “You wereneversupposed to see me like this! I didn’t want you to! Now everything is ruined!”

“Ruined?” I scrunched my eyebrows together. “Nothing is ruined, Charlie.”

“Yes it is! It’s allfuckednow!” He pushed himself to his feet, not bothering to brush the dirt or leaves off his clothing. I started to get up, but he rounded on me in an instant. “No! Don’t follow me!”

“Charlie… please,” I begged. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

He just glared at me, those beautiful dark eyes of his full of venom. “Why did you have to come back here, Phoenix?” He took a gasping breath, tears still streaming down his face. “Why couldn’t you just go away and leave me alone?”

Without giving me a chance to answer, Charlie turned on his heel and stormed off into the woods, heading back down the mountain. I was left sitting in the dirt and leaves, my heart freshly broken once more.

I couldn’t help wondering what I’d ruined just by existing. Seeing him for the first time in six years rekindled that flame of hope deep inside me. For half a second, I’d found myself thinking that Charlie and I would just fall back into our old ways. That we’d pick up right where we left off.

His panic attack didn’t surprise me. After everything he’d been through, I expected him to have a few lingering effects.It might’ve been six years since the crash, but Charlie had to live with the reality and consequences of that every single day. I kept running our interaction through my head, wondering if I’d helped him in the wrong way. He seemed to calm down when I had him focus on other things, but the aftershock… something about it rocked him to his core.

Was I the bad guy in all this? Had I hurt him again without meaning to? Why did I keep fucking this up?

I wanted to go after him, to beg him to talk to me. However, seeing the pain on his face was enough to keep my butt firmly planted in the dirt. Instead, I pulled my knees up, hugging them to my chest to keep out the cold. And there I sat, staring at the electric lantern for as long as it would stay lit trying desperately to figure out how I could fix this.

If only we were eighteen again, everything would be easier.

CHAPTER 22

Phoenix

“Where’d you run off to last night?” Tony asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.

He’d snuck into my room, thinking I was sleeping late. The truth was, I hadn’t fallen asleep yet. After Charlie left, I sat for a long time, just thinking about what had happened. Eventually I gathered up his things and walked back into town, the gray pre-dawn light starting to fill the sky. I crept into the house, stripped off my dirty clothes, and climbed into bed. Even though I’d forced myself to close my eyes, I just couldn’t fall asleep. Not when Charlie was so pissed at me.

“I just went for a walk,” I grumbled, pulling the covers up to hide my face. “I needed some time to myself.”

“Uh-huh,” he grinned. “I bet you were out fucking some old high school crush, weren’t you?”

“What? Why would I do that?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. To prove to them that you’ve always been good enough for them.” He leaned back against my thighs, his head craned back so he could stare out the window. “I did that with a few of my old crushes. Getting called the F-slur in high school makes you want a little bit of revenge sex.” He glanced over at me with a grin. “I let the captain of the lacrosse team, the one that called me that name, suck me off. Then I told him he was bad at it and left. No reciprocation at all.”

“Doesn’t that seem a little childish?”