Page 51 of From the Ashes
“Yeah,” he nodded. “But when he begged me to come back, it made me feel like a million bucks. Turns out I was the prize all along. Not him.”
“There’s nobody I want to do that with,” I said definitively. “Jordan and his little football freaks can go jump off a cliff.”
“So, who were you out visiting last night then?”
“I told you. Nobody. Now stop bothering me.”
“Defensive. That’s not a good sign.”
“Oh my god, Tony! What do you want?”
He chuckled, knowing he was riling me up. He took great pleasure in doing that. But instead of making another comment, he sat up and crawled up the bed, throwing a leg over my waist so he was straddling me.
“I thought we could have a little wake up session,” he said, running his hands over my chest. “Just to start the day on a good note.” He gave me a wink. “I promise I’ll be quiet. Nobody will know.”
Usually, Tony was just the distraction I wanted. He was handsome, and easy, and he rode dick like a champion. Waking up next to him wasn’t a matter ofifwe would have sex. It was a matter ofhow many timeswe would do it before we finally decided to get up for theday.
But this morning was different. Something about Tony’s insinuations and his soft hands made my skin crawl. After seeing Charlie the night before, I suddenly felt like I was cheating on him. After all, if I wanted him so much, why was I letting another man in my bed? For some reason, I felt like he wouldknowif I did anything with Tony. And I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him again.
“Not today, Tony,” I said, pushing him away. “I’m just not in the mood.”
Tony, to his credit, didn’t try to touch me again. Instead, he got off me and assumed his seat on the edge of the bed once more, making sure to keep his distance and respect my wishes.
“Phie?” he asked, his tone full of concern. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I grunted. “Why?”
“Well, and I’m not trying to sound conceited, but people don’t usually turn me down for sex. And you’re no exception.”
“Then go find someone else to fuck,” I snapped, rolling away from him.
He was quiet for a long moment before he finally cleared his throat. “I can see you need some space.” Getting up from the bed, he walked over to the door and pulled it open, stopping in the doorframe. “You know you can talk to me, Phie. You’re my best friend. I’m here if you need me.”
I let out a long sigh, but I didn’t reply.
“Get some rest.”
The door clicked shut as Tony left the room, the hurt in his voice making me feel even worse than I already did. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to call him back. The way I felt about Charlie was a secret. Sure, my book was about him and half the country had read it. Butnobody knew it was abouthim. They just knew I’d written a heartfelt romance.
I knew that if I told Tony the truth about what was going on, he’d figure it out. My mother and Ted had already figured it out for themselves, and I wondered how long it would be beforeeveryoneknew my little secret. However, none of that mattered as long as Charlie himself didn’t find out. Considering he was clearly pissed at me, I figured it was pretty safe to assume he wasn’t going to read my book anytime soon. Hopefully never.
And yet, I wanted nothing more than to march over to his house and pound on that door until he finally explained himself to me. I wanted to know why he hated me. Why he’d pushed me out of his life without an explanation or even a goodbye. I wanted to know why my best friend in the entire world left me to go to college without him. And I wanted to know why my love wasn’t good enough for him.
Did our first kiss in that clearing by the creek mean so little to him? I’d always seen it at the most precious moment in my life. I thought about it daily and then I dreamed about it all night. I prayed for the day when Charlie would walk back into my life, sweep me up in his arms, and kiss me in a way that said we would be together forever.Thatwas what I wanted more than book deals and tours and fame.
I wanted Charlie.
But no matter what I did, I always seemed to screw things up. Maybe I just needed to apologize to him. I was fairly certain that wouldn’t fix everything, but maybe it could get things started between us. Even if he didn’t want to be my boyfriend or my lover, I still wanted to be friends with him.
I turned over, throwing the covers aside. My gaze came to rest on his backpack sitting against the far wall. It was smeared with dirt, but everything was there. I’d thought about leaving it at the clearing andjust tucking it under his rock. Instead, I packed everything in and brought it back with me, secretly hoping it would be my ticket back into his life.
Returning the bag was an innocent gesture. And hopefully, if I was very lucky, Charlie might let me speak to him. Even a minute or two would be enough to speak my piece. After that, he could go on hating me. At least I would know that I’d given it a shot so I didn’t regret it later on. Then again, I’d probably regret it anyway if things didn’t go well.
But I had to try.
With an exasperated sigh, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and headed for my closet. Pulling on clean clothes and shoes, I tried to force my hair into somethingnotresembling a rat’s nest. When it looked about as good as I was gonna get it, I shouldered the backpack and pulled the door open, heading down the hall.
Everyone else was busy as I slipped out of the house. I exited through the backyard and headed down the street toward Charlie’s house. All the blinds were pulled as usual, and I wondered if he might still be sleeping. I hesitated for a moment at his driveway as the thought crossed my mind. Shaking my head, I pushed it away. A lifetime of regret would be a lot worse than waking him up. And this might be my last time in Creekside. If I had my way about it, Mom and Ted would be moved out by summer. There’d be no reason for me to come back after today.