Page 52 of From the Ashes
This was my only chance to make things right.
So, I lifted my shaking hand and knocked on Charlie’s front door for the first time in six years. Then I waited.
Thirty seconds slipped by and I knocked again. Still nothing. After another full minute, I felt heat rising in my belly. Anger at the unfairnessof the entire situation surged through my chest and I began to pound on the door with the side of my fist.
“Charlie!” I called. “Open the goddamn door!”
I paused for only a moment to see if there was a reply. But when I heard nothing, I continued to knock, not letting up for even a second. I was going to get an explanation out of him one way or another. He wasn’t going to just accuse me of ruining everything and get away with it.
CHAPTER 23
Charlie
“Charlie! I’m not leaving until you talk to me!” I heard Phoenix call through the front door.
I’d stopped only a few feet from it, hand outstretched. I wanted to answer him, I really did. But I wasn’t sure I could bear to see him again. After the way I’d fallen apart the night before, I was so embarrassed I could hardly breathe. I’d spent the entire night lying awake,hatingmyself for letting my once best friend see me like that.
However, as I stood there listening to his determination on the other side of the door, I began to wonder. Did he come back to tell me off? Or maybe he wanted to tell me he’d made a mistake as a kid and that I was a terrible friend. He’d be right of course, but that didn’t mean I wanted to hear him say it. The anger in his voice made me think he hated me. Still, the longer the pounding went on, the higher my anxiety grew. I didn’t want people calling the police or coming over to see what was happening. I wanted this house to remain my personal sanctuary. But if Nix didn’t stop, all of that would be broken too.
Finally, I realized there was no way to avoid this. Best to just get it over with and try to move on with whatever broken pieces of our friendship I could cling to.
Hands shaking, I turned the knob and opened the door, the knocking ending at last.
Phoenix stood there staring at me, his hand still raised in the air. His green eyes were intense, and his face was flushed with anger. I could see his lips press into a thin line as he stared at me.
“Well?” he barked. “You gonna let me in or what?”
I hadn’t let anyone in my house since I got back from the hospital six years ago. But, without even thinking, I stepped aside and let Phoenix in, closing the door and cutting off the bright sunlight behind him. The quiet and the dimness of the room returned, making things feel somewhat normal again. Well, as normal as they could be with Phoenix McKean standing in my living room.
He looked up at me, that anger in his expression fading away. Suddenly he looked almost nervous, like he’d never expected to get past my front door in the first place. To be fair, if he’d been anyone else or less insistent, he wouldn’t have.
“Here,” he said, holding out the backpack I didn’t notice he was carrying. “You left this last night. I wasn’t sure what stayed behind or came back, so I just brought it all. I didn’t want your lantern or journal to get ruined.”
I took the bag only one thing suddenly on my mind. “Y-You didn’t read it, did you?”
“Why would I go through your stuff, Charlie?” he scoffed. “I’m not the asshole you think I am.”
I flinched, feeling the venom in his voice as my stomach twisted into a knot. “I don’t think you’re an asshole…”
“Oh really?” He took a step closer, putting his hands on his hips. “Is that why you told me last night that I’druined everythingand then ran off? Why you seemed so happy to see me for a moment and then acted like I was a fucking leper the next?”
“I didn’t–”
“Yes, you fucking did,” he growled, taking another step forward. A hand came up, his forefinger poking me in the chest. “You need to tell me what the fuck is going on, Charlie Miller. For six years you’ve been avoiding me, ignoring any attempt I made to contact you, and now that I’m finally here you’re treating me like shit. As far as I know, I was just trying to be a good friend to you.” He pulled his hand back, shaking his head as his voice took on a melancholy tinge. “Is all this because I kissed you? Did it upset you that much?”
“No! No, of course not!” I began. But just as soon as the words left my lips, I clamped them shut. I didn’t want to talk about this. Not with him. I didn’t want him to know the full truth. He’d already seen some of it, but it wasn’t everything. “Th-That was… fine.”
“Fine?” he scoffed. “Jesus Christ, Charlie. Give me something to work with here!”
“There’s nothing else to it,” I lied, tucking my hands into my hoodie pocket to hide their shaking. “Honest.”
“You’re a terrible liar, Charlie.”
“I’m not lying!”
“So, you just cut me out of your life because you’re still my best friend then? Is that what I’m supposed to believe?”
“I didn’t… I mean. No. Or I guess… I don’t know!” All the frustration slipped out at once, my lips no longer able to contain it. “I don’t know, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”