Page 79 of From the Ashes

“What if something happens again and you won’t let me back in?”

The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. And the moment they did, I knew I’d gone too far. Charlie’s smile faded and he pulled his hand back. I could see the hurt on his face as he shifted away from me.

“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I shouldn’t have said that… I… I’m just scared.”

He softened slightly. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“Charlie, I–”

I stopped myself before I could say those three little words we’d said to one another a million times. But I knew that if I said them now, they’d mean more than anything I’d ever said in my entire life. Charlie wasn’t ready for that yet. He was still trying to figure stuff out and I knew where I wanted to be in his life, but I didn’t want to push him. Instead, I decided to cover my feelings with facts.

“I have to go back in a couple days,” I said at last. “To Boston, I mean. The publisher needs me for a few things and then I’ll be right back, okay?”

“You don’t have to run right back here,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, but I won’t.” I leaned close, placing a soft kiss against his lips. “I want to be near you as often as I can. And if that means a plane ticket now and then, I’m fine with that. Even if I had to walk here, I’d do it. I’d do anything for you, Charlie.”

“I’d do anything for you too, Nix,” he replied softly.

“Would you come to breakfast at my mom’s house tomorrow? She’s making cinnamon rolls, and she told me to invite you. She knows about… allthis,” I said, gesturing to us lying there naked in bed.

He looked suddenly terrified. “You told her?”

“She guessed.”

“Oh.” Charlie seemed a bit relieved at that. However, he nervously fidgeted with the blanket for a moment before replying. “Y-Yeah. I guess breakfast would be fine.”

“It’ll be just the four of us.”

“Okay,” he nodded, confidence surging back into his voice. “Yeah. Why not? That sounds nice.”

“Thank you,” I said, kissing him again.

“You’re welcome.” He pressed his forehead to mine, holding it there for a long moment. “Ready to get fucked again?”

I rolled my eyes, laughing. “You’re such a romantic.”

“I just know what you like. What webothlike.”

“Well,” I sighed. “I’m already lubed up. Might as well.”

I wrapped my arms around him, rolling over the sheets. It was going to be another sleepless night as I shared a bed with the man of my dreams.

And I hoped it would always be like that.

CHAPTER 33

Charlie

Getting out of bed that next morning was hard work. Not because Nix had his bare ass jammed up against my cock and I wanted to fuck him so bad I could hardly stand it. But because I knew that the moment I got up, I’d have to leave the house and be social. And that was something I hadn’t done in years. Sure, Nix’s mother had cornered me now and then while I was out walking, but that had only happened maybe a dozen times in six years. I hadn’t even spoken to Ted. However, this morning I would have to have arealconversation with them for the first time since the accident and I wasn’t looking forward to it.

But I knew, no matter how long I tried to pretend to be asleep, eventually Nix’s alarm would go off and we’d have to get up. My only comforting thought was that he would be at my side. His parents were good and kind people, I knew that. But six years meant there would be a lot of questions. And I wasn’t sure I was ready to answer them just yet.

The moment the alarm went off, I thought of trying to coax Nix into staying in bed and just having sex with me instead of breakfast. Thatsounded a lot less anxiety inducing. However, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. So, with a sigh and a groan, we both got in the shower, rinsing off the previous night’s stickiness before heading down the street to his house.

As soon as we were on the sidewalk, everything seemed too bright and too loud again. I could feel the anxiety bubbling away in my chest like I had a sour stomach. It definitely didn’t put me in the mood for eating. Of course, the moment I tried to distract myself, I remembered that Patrick and Tyler were coming over later for a game night and that only made things worse. I really wished Nix hadn’t invited them over without talking to me first. But considering he was going home tomorrow, it was our last chance to do such a thing for a little while.

I’d been putting off meeting Tyler for too long, anyway. After all the patience Patrick had shown me, I figured it was time to repay the favor. Even if it made me want to curl up into the fetal position and rock in a dark corner. But I’d survive, right? How bad could a game night really be? I was probably just overreacting as usual. Up until three months ago, I’d spent most of my adult life holed up in a dark room. It was time to move on.