Page 80 of From the Ashes
“We’re here,” Nix called out, pushing the front door open before we stepped inside. He put his nose to the air, inhaling deeply. “It smells good!”
He was right. It did smell good. But I was far too concerned with the sound of footsteps quickly approaching to give my stomach much thought.
“I was wondering when you two were gonna show up,” Nix’s mom said as she came around the corner. She pulled him into a quick hug before glancing at me. “Oh, just leave your shoes on honey. I don’t mop the floor nearly enough toworry about that.”
“She mopped it twenty minutes ago,” Ted added, stepping up behind her. “Don’t let her fool ya.” He held out his hand to me. “It’s good to see you again, Charlie.”
I took his hand, hoping the act of shaking it would cover up my trembling. “G-Good to see you t-too.”
As soon as our hands disconnected, Laura’s arms were around my neck, giving me a big hug.
“It’s good to see you out and about,” she smiled, patting me on the cheek. “A little sun agrees with you.” She gave a wry glance at Nix. “And the company doesn’t help either I see. I don’t think I’ve seen you smile since the–” She stopped, her eyes going wide as she realized what she was about to say. “Well, nevermind. You look good.”
Her smile did nothing to cover up the sadness in her voice. I felt my heart speed up at the near mention of my own mother. Of course, I knew going to see the McKean’s would probably bring her up. After all, they’d barely seen me since the accident. Considering they were the ones that took care of the funeral, they were also the last ones to see her above the ground.
“So, has Phoenix got you on that bike of his yet?” Ted asked, clapping me on the shoulder and leading me toward the kitchen. “He’s quite a hellion on that thing.”
“I… uh… don’t want to be on it,” I replied, my voice still shaking. I didn’t understand why I was so nervous. It was just Ted after all. “I’m still not very comfortable with cars and a motorcycle… Well, it’s a lot.”
“That’s understandable,” he nodded. “Maybe when you’re feeling up for a thrill, you can get him to take you out. He let me ride it and it’s been everything I can do not to go buy myself one.”
“You are not getting a motorcycle, Theodore,” his wife replied, coming into the room with Nix in tow. “I mean it.”
“She doesn’t know I’ve already been shopping,” he whispered, giving me a wink. “I’ll probably have one in the next month.”
“I hope you boys are hungry,” Laura said, slipping on her oven mitts and bringing a large pan of cinnamon rolls to the table. “Phoenix, can you get the milk and the coffee?”
Nix did as he was told, returning to the table to sit next to me. He gave me a knowing smile and placed his hand on my left thigh, the one I’d been bouncing up and down since the moment I took a seat.
“Just breathe,” he said softly. “It’s okay.”
I just nodded, forcing myself to still my leg. My skin felt like it was threatening to crawl right off my body, and I was suddenly feeling very cold and hot at the same time. My fingers were frozen, but my face and neck were on fire. I tried to focus on Nix, letting him be my safe place as Laura doled out a roll to each of us.
“Dig in,” she said at last, taking her seat. “And don’t be shy if you want another one. I know you’ve got a sweet tooth, Charlie.”
I glanced up at her, shaking my head. “Not really,” I replied. “Not anymore.”
Something about the way I said it brought the mood down immediately. Everyone looked uncomfortable, like I’d said something deeply depressing.
“S-Sorry,” I stammered. “I didn’t mean to sound so dire. I just mean that I don’t eat a lot of sugar anymore.”
“You hardly eat at all,” Nix said, giving me a grin. “That’s why you’re so fit now.”
We both knew that wasn’t the truth, but I appreciated him trying to lighten the mood, anyway.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen two boys eat so many marshmallows in my life,” Laura smiled. “Diana and I used to joke about taking out stock in–”
Her voice cut off as she clapped her hand over her mouth. Eyes went wide again as she turned pale, looking mortified by saying my mother’s name aloud. The sound of it, I’ll admit, shocked me. Like a sudden rush of ice through my system, I felt all the skin on my body prickle as a dark sphere of dread filled my belly.
“Mom!” Nix hissed. “Will you pick a different subject, please!”
“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It just slipped out.”
“That’s okay, honey,” Ted added, patting her shoulder. “Let’s just eat breakfast, okay?”
She nodded, still looking horrified by what she’d done. As we all went back to our rolls, the kitchen filled with an oppressive silence. I could practically hear the buzzing of the overhead stove bulb. And somehow, for the first time, the silence was making me more anxious than the words spoken. Hearing my mother’s name brought her to the forefront of my mind, something I’d been trying not to do for years. It occurred to me, all at once, that maybe trying to ignore her existence was the reason it was so hard to get over the loss of her. It was something I was sure my therapist had told me a million times. But this time, thinking about it for myself, it finally sank in.
“I… I want to say something,” I said, my shaking voice piercing the silence.