Page 86 of From the Ashes
The past week had been a beautiful daydream. But like all dreams, it was time for it to come to an end. Without a backward glance, I silently walked away, leaving the man I loved most in the world behind forever.
He deserved better than me and now he could finally have it.
CHAPTER 36
Phoenix
It had been two weeks since I’d left Creekside. And I was still checking my phone every couple of minutes, convinced that I’d heard it ding in my pocket or buzz against the counter. But every time I looked at it, there was nothing. The only person ever trying to get a hold of me was Tony. I didn’t have any friends to speak of in Boston and they weren’t who I wanted to talk to, anyway.
I’d been hoping that Charlie would call or text or even acknowledge that I was alive.
But why would he do that? After the things I’d said to him, he probably hated me. I saw the hurt in his eyes and the heartbreak in his words when he told me to leave. How could I expect him to ask me back after I’d done all that?
However, I couldn’t blame myself for my reaction either. I was scared. Between the accident and having him pass out in my arms, I was so full of adrenaline I could hardly think straight. Then when he came too and started shouting, telling me to get away from him, Ididn’t know what to do. How could I let him just run off into the night when I knew he was terrified? I wanted tohelphim. But that help was denied. Not only that, he made me feel like shit for even trying. I didn’t think that was fair.
And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to be the first one to text him. I didn’t want to look desperate or like I approved of what he’d said to me. Maybe it was stupid pride getting in the way, but I meant what I said. I couldn’t spend my life with a man that was going to tell me to fuck off every time things got difficult. That’s not how a partnership worked. I was more than willing to help him, to be there for him when anxiety took hold. And I thought, maybe foolishly, that after six years, it would be easier for him to allow me in.
That didn’t seem to be the case. Of course, I’d spent the past two weeks digging through the internet, trying to understand his reactions. The most common thing I came across was a fear of intimacy. Charlie was pulling away from me because he was afraid I’d abandon him if he got too close. I had a feeling that’s how he felt about his mother. Maybe he didn’tblameher for dying, but he’d been left behind, regardless.
The only advice I could find was to give him space. So, I did. And so far, nothing had come of it. Then again, I gave him space last time he pushed me away and he didn’t talk to me for six long years.
The more I thought about it, the more I wasn’t willing to do that again.
Picking up my phone, I sent a text off to Tony, telling him to stop by my place. His reply was quick and within an hour, he was knocking on my apartment door.
“Something wrong?” he asked, the moment I opened it.
“I need a favor,” I replied, beckoning him inside.
“Only if I can take a beer from your fridge,” he sighed, heading toward the kitchen. “The boss is being a real fucking hardass this week. And your publisher is trying to run me ragged.”
“Take whatever you want.” Curiosity got the better of me as I followed him. “What does the publisher want now? Haven’t they gotten enough out of us?”
Tony pulled a beer from the fridge, popped the cap off on the cabinet mounted opener, and drained half of it before he took another breath. He belched loudly, grinning to himself, but I didn’t smile. He always tried to be funny when he didn’t want to talk about something, and I wasn’t falling for it this time.
“They want you to do a series of award ceremonies across the country,” he sighed, realizing I wasn’t giving in. “Apparently, they’ve already applied in your stead. I guess you’ve won like half a dozen of them or something.”
“What kind of awards?”
“The kind that come with a stupid trophy, require a speech, and there’s no cash,” he sighed. “They’re awards nobody has ever heard of. But the publisher feels like it would be good press if you made an appearance at all of them.”
“Of course,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. “Where are they?”
“All over the country. Most are on the east coast, but there’s a couple out on the west coast as well. Apparently, you won some tiny award in Eugene, Oregon of all places. It’s like an old biddy book club or something with their local library system.”
The moment he said the location, I could barely contain myself. “I’ll do it.”
“You… You what?”
“I’ll go,” I nodded. “When is the award acceptance?”
“Like next week?”
“I’m fine with that. Book the ticket.”
Tony lifted an eyebrow. “Why are you so excited about this? Usually it’s like pulling teeth to get you to go anywhere. You always just wanna stay holed up in this little apartment and eat take out.”
“I need to get back to Creekside,” I said. “It’s important.”