Page 13 of Shane

Truth was, he hadn’t expected Shane would show up today. More than anyone, Alex understood the misdirected sense of responsibility that came with survivor’s guilt. For years, he’d carried a gut full of self-hatred for not having been with Sara and Abby that morning.Heshould’ve been the one driving that day.Heshould’ve been in the country with his family where he’d belonged. Not on the other side of the globe doing Uncle Sam’s dirty work.

But he hadn’t been there. He’d been a world away. And those were the immutable facts. He didn’t have to agree with them, and he sure as hell didn’t like them. But facts were rigid sons of bitches. They were what they were. Reality. And a stupid, hard-headed man could waste the rest of his life blaming himself for things he couldn’t change and hadn’t been responsible for. Or he could get on with the art of living, and in doing so, honor the people he’d lost. Like Sara and Abby. Like Kelsey’s two innocent sons. She’d suffered an incalculable loss, too. And because of her pain, she was the one—the only one—who’d gotten through to him. Who’d saved him.

Alex let his lungs and belly fill with another deep cleansing breath. It had taken years, but he understood now that he wasn’t to blame for everything that went wrong in the world. Neither was Shane. Accidents happened, damn it. And the only relief Alex had found in all those police and insurance reports was in understanding that fate was just a damned fickle bitch.

Understanding that Sara and Abby had died quickly, that his wife and daughter were together at the end brought some measure of comfort. There was peace in that knowledge, and that was precisely what Shane needed now. A measure of peace in his soul, a hand up, and the comfort that came with belonging to a family like The TEAM. It still wasn’t enough, but that was another one of those damned facts. The people you loved the most would still die. That didn’t mean you should stop living. If anything, you should live better.

Alex stuck his knuckles in his eyes and wiped the annoying glimmer of tears away. He wasn’t the angry, bleeding, belligerent, grieving son of a bitch he used to be. Well, he was still grieving—always would be that—and Hayes had certainly stirred up a hornets’ nest of bitter, wretched memories that Alex would rather leave in the past.

But the kid needed help finding a way out of his own survivor’s guilt, and he’d come to the right place. The TEAM was made up of a bunch of survivors. Hell, look at Beau Villanueva and Maverick Carson. Look at Harley Mortimer and Jameson Tenney.Shit, look at me.

The phone on his desk rang, startling Alex out of his melancholy. He glared at the damned thing, daring it to ring again. Of course, it shrilled right back at him, right on cue, like phones did, damned annoying things.

Oh, Kelsey. Good.Just seeing her name on the lighted caller-ID strip sent a shot of relief straight to Alex’s gut. The woman always seemed to know when to reach out and touch him.

His greedy fingers latched onto the receiver like a lifeline. “Hey, sweetheart, whatcha need?” he asked, keeping his tone neutral. His fingers were shaking, what the hell?

“Just want you to know Maverick will be in late today because he’s here changing my tire. Guess I picked up a roofing nail yesterday, maybe when I took your dad in for his weekly appointment. There was a lot of construction going on there, and flashing barricades were all over the parking lot. Nothing major. Maverick will check in with you as soon as he gets to work.”

“Sure, no problem. Harley’s already down at the barns. A nail, huh?”

“Yes, but it’s nothing you need to worry about. Maverick will run my tire over to Stark’s garage on his way in. We can go get it later tonight, and tomorrow I’ll be good as new.” She always sounded so damned upbeat. It was hard being even a few miles away from her when he was feeling this ornery and mean. One kiss was all it would take to set him right.

“No problem,” he told her. “For you, anything.”

“What’s wrong, honey?”

Alex ran a hand over his face. There was no sense lying. Kelsey knew him too well. “Nothing really.”Just me being my usual dumbassed self.

“But something. I can hear it in your voice. You’re not angry, you’re… you’re hurting. What’s going on, honey? Did somebody die?”

And now he’d frightened her. “No, sweetheart. Everyone’s fine, well…” He rolled his shoulders to shake off that damned migraine before it ramped up any worse. “I just met the young man who was driving the delivery van the morning that—”

“Oh, no. Alex, I’m so sorry. I’m on my way. Don’t go anywhere.”

“No, sweetheart, stay home with the kids. I’m fine. Really. It just hit me harder than I thought it would and…” He pulled the receiver away from his ear and stared at the thing, sure he was talking to dead air. “Kelsey?”

Yup, she’d hung up on him, and she was on her way to him. He loved her so much that sometimes the link and love they shared physically hurt. He replaced the receiver in its cradle, finally sucked in a full breath, lifted to his feet, and headed his sorry ass back to Mark’s office. If Shane Hayes could summon the courage to face him, by hell, he could look that man in the eye and treat him civilly.

Damn it, sometimes Alex was best at making an ass of himself instead of handling delicate, sensitive situations, well, delicately. With one more cleansing breath, he palmed Mark’s door open and faced Shane Hayes again.

Mark looked up from his desk, his brown eyes so dark, they’d gone completely black. He wasn’t smiling. Neither was the young man sitting alongside the desk. Shane’s dark blue eyes were red-rimmed, and he looked like a pile of warmed-over shit. Especially with those stains down his shirt. Looked like someone threw up on him.

Way to go, Stewart. Kick a man when it’s obvious he’s already down.

Alex shut the door quietly this time, pulled the chair he’d been sitting in from the corner, and joined the huddle at Mark’s desk.

“I was just telling Shane that you needed more time, that you’d come around,” Mark explained quietly, his voice uncommonly firm. Not accusing, but stern, as if he dared Alex to act like an idiot again. “But like it or not, Boss, Shane’s USMC record is impeccable, and The TEAM needs him. I strongly recommend you hire him today.”

Alex ran a hand up the back of his neck, cracked his jaw, and calmly replied, “Already told you to hire him.”

“But you didn’t sound like you meant it.”

“And I don’t need any job that bad,” Shane declared. “I only stayed because Mr. Houston asked me to, but I’ve got other offers. I’m not desperate, you son of a bitch.”

Alex nodded, taking that angry hit as graciously as he could. He had to give this guy credit. Shane wasn’t taking anymore shit, but Alex truly doubted that‘other offers’dig. Shane’s demeanor radiated desperation, else why would he risk coming into TEAM HQ to ask the man he thought hated him for a job? If not desperate, then why’d he apply?

It was an employer’s market these days. With all the men and women coming home from the sandbox, the covert security market was glutted. There were too many good guys and gals for all of them to end up at TEAM HQ. Decent jobs with benefits as good as Alex provided were damned hard to come by, especially for the uniquely skilled former military snipers he targeted.