Page 70 of Shadow Kissed

The king tilts his head and gestures with his hand for me to continue. “I think we should introduce basic combat into the timetable. Hear me out,” I say when I see he goes to disagree. “We are at war and our women are vulnerable without basic defence skills to protect themselves. I feel it can only serve to help protect them and our realm.”

The king bobs his head, considering my words. “I’ll think about it and give you my response soon. Anything else?” he asks me, eager to be done with our meeting. Eager to be done with me.

“Yes.” I swallow. “I feel we should allow the females contact with their families. I think it will help motivate them and remind them who they are doing this for. I’m thinking weekly contact via crystal orb.”

The king’s brooding silence hangs in the air as I wait for his response. “What has brought this on, Commander?”

I sigh—a girl with hypnotic eyes and sinful lips. I clear my throat and my mind. “I believe opinion on Asen in favour of us is declining. The rebels are working hard to turn people against us with propaganda campaigns about the way we treat their women. This will show that we value and respect the chosen ones and care about their emotional welfare.”

The king strokes his beard and nods his head. “I’ll sanction it, and maybe we could offer a visit home for those that score in the top five. A bit of healthy competition could spur them on to work harder.”

“I agree.”

“Splendid. Remember, Lord Commander, you represent our people, and you must be seen practicing what you preach. I look forward to hearing of your attendance at the ball.”

“Of course. As my king wishes.” I get to my feet and bow my head in respect. “I’ll take my leave.”

“Make sure you visit your mother before you leave, Commander,” the king says, issuing his final command before he buries his head back in his papers and dismisses me.

As I close the door behind me, I release the breath of tension I’ve been holding. Coming back here evokes so many memories and reminds me of my weaknesses.

Not worthy.

Not deserving.

I shake my head, trying to rid myself of those voices that whisper in my subconscious mind. I come to an abrupt stop when I come face to face in the corridor with Queen Mairin. The king’s Asen wife.

“Your grace.” I dip my head in greeting.

“Raegal. It is good to see you. Have you come from the king’s office?”

I force myself to look her in the eye. “I have.”

She searches my face and smiles warmly. “I trust you are well, and that all in Asen is well?”

I nod my head. “All is good. I must not linger. I am on my way to see my mother.”

Queen Mairin smiles in understanding. “She misses you when you are gone. As do your younger siblings. Will you be calling in to see them before you go?”

I shake my head and swallow. “I’m afraid this is a flying visit. Much in Asen demands my attention.”

“Of course.” Her smile falters. “Well, I should let you go.” She reaches out with her hand, and I visibly flinch as she places it on my arm. “Your family misses you.”

I take a step back and her arm falls between the space. “Your Grace.” I bow my head in respect and stride away as quickly as I can. I feel her eyes on me the full length of the corridor. Disappointment and regret chase me away.

I find my mother within the grounds of her private apartment. An easel is in front of her. She paints the picturesque view of the lake. This is her haven, her place to escape from everything. She has made this space her oasis, planting flowers and plants in various shades of her favourite colour, damson.

Guilt presses heavily on my spine every time I see my mother.

“Well, are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come and greet me,” she says, without turning my way. How she knows I am standing here is beyond me, but she always does.

Taking a steadying breath, I walk over to her. When I reach her side, she tips her face up to look at me. Reaching out with her hands, she cups my face and kisses my nose. “I have missed you, my boy. How are you?”

“All is fine,” I tell her, breathing in her scent. Despite all my sins, my mother’s love for me has never wavered.

“Sit,” she orders. “Let me look at you.” She gestures to the empty chair beside her, and I take the seat and feel her eyes studying me. “You look tired, my boy. Are you getting enough rest?”

“I’m fine, Mother. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”