Page 86 of Shadow Kissed
I swing my sword in my hand and take up my stance. “Ready to teach you a thing or two, Lord Commander,” I promise him, and I don’t miss the flare of heat in his eyes at my words.
We circle each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. I study him closely, watching his foot movement, the hold on his sword, and his face. Ark’s dad taught us to study your opponent’s face when they attack. Ark used to always say I would chew on the inside of my cheek before I attacked, so ever since I’ve been mindful not to do it. I raise my sword to block an attack by Raegal and quickly move into attack mode, swinging my sword under and up, but he reacts quickly and blocks me. He is very fast. I need to use my small height to my advantage if I’m to stand a chance of even getting a strike in. I spin and aim for his side, but he anticipates me again and smirks at me when his sword stops mine in its tracks.
“Not bad,” he says, as he swings his sword around his head, coming in with a high attack and I duck to the side before coming up behind him. I grin, thinking I’ve got him, but as I’m about to stick my sword in his back, he spins round and blocks me again.
“You’re a hard man to kill, Commander.” We circle each other, our chests heaving from exertion.
“There’s no fun in making it easy for you, is there now?” he says cockily as he attacks. I don’t react quick enough and as I move to block him, my wooden sword gets knocked out of my hand and he holds his at my throat.
“One day, commander. One day,” I promise, and he releases a deep throaty chuckle that sets my core on fire.
“Until that day then.” He removes the sword from my neck, and the arena breaks out in rounds of applause and heckling. He picks my sword up from the floor and offers it to me.
“Looks like I won’t be seeing my family after all,” I say with a deep sigh as I take it from him.
I’m desperate to see them. I should have known the chances of me beating him were slim. It’s probably why he offered that reward in the first place. Because he knew he would best me.
“You fight well. Miss Lockwood,” he praises his voice raised to ensure the girls watching on hear him.
I hand Orym back the sword and make my way back to my seat. I switch off when Raegal goes over basic self-defence moves with the girls. My thoughts drift to my brothers and how they are doing. I just want the chance to hold them and smell their hair and hear them tell me all about their day. I miss cosy nights in front of the fire, with all four of us round the table, sharing stories and laughing. The reality that I’ll never get one of those nights hits me hard. I miss my mother. I miss her laugh, her hugs, her calm. I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe. My chest tightens and I rub it, trying to take in deep breaths, but it doesn’t help. I tap Saveya on her arm, and she pulls her gaze from Raegal’s demonstration. Her smile drops when she looks at me.
“Reya! What’s wrong?” She leans into my space and places her hand on my arm.
“Can’t…breathe,” I tell her as I attempt to suck air into my lungs.
Saveya waves her hand in the air, all the while, stroking up and down my back with her other hand. “Lord Commander! There’s something wrong with Reya. She’s struggling to breathe.”
Raegal leaps over the barrier, and he crouches in front of me and lifts my chin with his finger. He watches as I struggle. “Orym, carry on the class for me. Miss Lockwood isn’t feeling well.”
Raegal leans down and scoops me up into his arms.
“Take care of her,” Saveya begs him, getting to her feet and anxiously checking me over.
“With my life,” he assures her before his shadows whip around us and he whisks us away from the training ground. We weave into a room I haven’t seen before. And he sits me down on a large comfortable lounge chair and crouches down in front of me.
“You need to slow your heart rate down. Take a big, long breath in,” he urges me, demonstrating the action, and I copy him. “And out. And in again, nice and slow and calm, and back out again. Good. Imagine your heart rate slowing and evening out.” His shadows seep from his body and they stroke at my chest above my heart and the touch instantly soothes me. “It’s okay, Reya. You’re safe.”
He makes me feel safe. His shadows somehow help to calm and ground me, and my erratically beating heart slows down and levels out. He continues to do the breathing exercises with me until he feels I’m stable.
“Are you feeling better?” he asks me, holding my chin with his fingers. I nod my head, embarrassed. “It was just a panic attack. Happens to the best of us.”
I scoff in response and smile. “Bet the mighty Lord Commander has never had one.”
With a serious face, he says, “Even I get overwhelmed sometimes.”
I study him and realise he’s serious. “I thought nothing scared you?”
He smirks and looks off into the room. “Many things cripple me. Guilt, loss, anger. I’m not the emotionless monster I’m made out to be,” he pauses and chuckles, “well at least not all of the time.”
I react to his smile with one of my own and I clear my throat when he reaches out and tucks a wayward strand of my hair behind my ear. “Talk to me. What brought the panic attack on?”
I suck in a breath. “I guess I got my hopes up that I’d see my brothers tonight. I miss them so much. I've lost everything I know and love. The grief, it overwhelms me sometimes. I miss my mother.”
He nods his head and places his hands on my thighs and squeezes them. “I understand. It can come when you least expect it and hit you out of nowhere.”
“You’ve lost someone?” I ask him and he nods his head.
“My brother. He died when I was eleven and losing him left an immense hole in all our lives. The grief…” He sighs and runs a hand across his face. “It never goes, but it gets easier.”