Page 67 of Stolen Dreams
RAY
Holy.Fucking. Hell.
Disposing of the condom, I collapse on the bed beside Kaya, wrap an arm around her waist, and haul her back until our bodies are flush. The need to constantly have my hands on her, to feel her warm curves along every inch of my body, to fortify the endless hum that exists between us is heady… and terrifying.
The last time I opened myself up, put my heart on the line, let myself be thoroughly vulnerable, everything I cared about was stolen. In the middle of the night, without a sound, Brianna walked out the door with Tucker in her arms and shattered my world.
I trusted Brianna, and she used my blind faith in her as a weapon. With one simple act, she warped my perception of relationships, trust, love.
By no means is Kaya anything like Brianna. To my very core, I know this is true. But I can’t help the way my head spins and heart clenches as my feelings for Kaya grow.
What I need is to snap the hell out of it. Now isnotthe time to compare the trauma of past relationships to the woman in my arms.
Closing my eyes, I burrow my nose in her hair, inhale deeply, and get lost in her scent. Memorize the softness of her skin beneath my calloused fingers. The shape of her, the way she rests her arms over mine and secures me in place.
“That was…” she whispers.
When she doesn’t say more, I add, “Intense.”
Her arms over mine tighten as she hums. “Intense,” she repeats. “Incredible.” Her hold on me loosens as she rolls over, those stunning coppery-brown eyes filling my vision. Her soft fingers delicately dancing over my jawline. “Unforgettable.”
I’ll never forget tonight.
And with that single thought, my apprehension from a moment ago returns with a vengeance. An invisible hand wraps itself around my unshielded heart, its poisonous, viny fingers encasing the foolish, thumping organ with ease. Clenching. Constricting. Reminding me what happened last time I let someone this close.
I dizzy from the rapid mood swing and slam my eyes shut. Like a pebble skipped across the water, a ripple of uncertainty flickers over my face.
So soft, so gentle, and perfect in every possible way, she strokes her thumb over my cheek. “What’s wrong?” Trepidation coats those two words, and the grip on my heart strengthens.
No matter what I say right now, I’ll come across as an asshole.
I hate it. I hate that someone no longer in my life still has a hold on me. Has the ability to affect every thought, every mood, every happy moment. To sour and darken one of the best nights of my life. More than anything, I hate that Brianna still takes up space in my head. Even if only a sliver, it remains ever-present, ready to make an appearance and steal the slightest bit of joy.
One deep breath, then another, and another. On the last exhale, I open my eyes and swallow past the boulder in my throat.
Please don’t hate me for what I’m about to do. I’ll hate myself enough for the both of us.
“Nothing’s wrong.” I brush loose strands of hair from her face and trace my knuckles along her jaw. Ignore the pang in my chest as I school my expression. “Was just thinking it’s probably best you don’t stay.”
All the air leaves my lungs as my rib cage strangles the organs. My stomach wrings and wrenches, a dose of bile clawing its way up my throat.
The last thing I want is for Kaya to leave, for this night to end. But my fucking mind…
She jerks back in surprise, two lines forming between her brows as she studies my eyes with unparalleled intensity.
Fuck.I hate myself. Hate that I’m not strong enough to eviscerate the demons of my past. Hate that I may lose the most incredible woman to enter my life because I’m afraid of what happens next.
A frightened coward, that is what I am.
“If Tucker sees us in bed in the morning or you in the same clothes as yesterday, it’ll be an endless inquisition.” I clench my teeth for one, two, three erratic heartbeats. “He’ll be confused, and it’ll get uncomfortable.”
Keep digging deeper. If I’m going to screw this up, let it be thoroughly.
Wildfire blazes in her addictive irises, but it’s not a fire I’d dare step close to or try to put out. No, Kaya deserves to feel that fury-laden flame in her veins. And I deserve to be the person she burns with it.
Low, sardonic laughter floats through the room and sends a chill up my spine.
Kaya inches away, sits up, and swings her legs off the bed, giving me her back and shutting me out. Hands on either side of her, she fists the edge of the bed and shakes her head. Without a word, she stands and moves around the room, collecting her clothes and slipping them on.