Page 68 of Stolen Dreams
I shiver—from the loss of her warmth, at the distance I feel growing between us, at the uncertainty of what happens next.
Fully dressed in seconds, she spins to face me, squares her shoulders, and lifts her chin. “You’re good.” She scoffs. “I’ll give it to you”—her arms circle her midsection as she hugs herself with unmatched ferocity—“you had me fooled.”
Fuck.
Her cool disposition snaps me out of my chaotic thoughts. I bolt up and cross the room. She shuffles back as I step within a foot of her, holding up her hand.
“No,” she says, the single syllable sharp, cutting. “You don’t get to make yourself feel better for throwing me out.”
My hands dive into my hair as a new thread of fear seeps in and buries itself in my marrow. Full-blown panic surfaces as it dawns on me I may have destroyed my relationship with the most remarkable person to enter my life.
Aghast, I backpedal. “That came out all wrong.” I close my eyes for one deep, unsatisfactory breath. Unable to filter my thoughts, I say the first thing that comes to mind. “This is so new and foreign to me.”
Incredulity mars her expression. “Casual hookups?” A derisive huff falls from her lips. “I doubt that.” Her arms around her middle hug impossibly tighter.
My eyes lose focus as I shake my head. An unfamiliar heaviness bears down on the center of my chest. The backs of my eyes burn as saliva pools in my mouth. “No.” I bite the inside of my cheek, fighting against my next words. But they win. “Feeling so much for someone scares the shit out of me.”
Kaya turns to stone, her gaze firmly locked on mine as she searches for an ounce of deception. She won’t find it. Not when it comes to this.
Countless emotions dance over her expression as she absorbs my truth. “Why?”
How can the shortest question carry so much weight?
“Give me a second.”
I move to the dresser, grab a pair of sweatpants, and slip them on. As I step in her direction, I mull over how much to say. Wonder how much she already knows from Tucker. Question how much more vulnerable I am willing to be with this woman.
Kaya is not Brianna,I remind myself for the umpteenth time.
“There’s a reason I haven’t been serious with anyone in years,” I admit as I inch closer to her. God, I want to touch her. Let her know that she is the furthest thing from a casual hookup.
“Tucker?”
I tilt my head left then right. “Yes and no.” As much as I want to touch her, I shove my hands in my pockets to stop myself. “I’m careful with who I introduce to him—not that there’s been anyone. He’s been through things no one his age should have to deal with. And I do my best to shield him from future hurt.” I swallow past the thick ball of anxiety climbing up my throat. “But it’s more than that.”
In my periphery, she reaches out then pulls back before making contact. Her addictive gaze searches mine for words left unsaid. She shuffles closer, consumes my vision, but stays back enough we don’t touch.
“I won’t pressure you into telling me, but I’m here if you want to.”
In no way am I deserving of this woman, her patience, her kindness, her strength. But damn, do I want her. To be deserving of her.
“Not tonight.”
Her expression falls, and my frame wilts. In a blink, the softness I love about her turns defensive. “I should head home.”
Before I respond, she steps back, turns on her heel, and heads for the door. As reality sinks in, Kaya exits the bedroom and slinks down the hallway to the stairs. I snap out of my muddled thoughts and bolt out the door on quiet feet, needing to reach her.
The day went from one of the best to the most cataclysmic in no time. And it’s my damn fault.
I don’t want her to leave, much less on a sour note. Nor do I want my insecurities to be a looming black cloud over us. “Kaya,” I whisper-shout as I reach the bottom step. “Wait. Please.”
Goose bumps ripple over my skin as she slips on her shoes and shoulders her bag. Head down, she doesn’t meet my gaze. Focused on her footsteps, she doesn’t acknowledge my presence or plea.
Reaching for her, I cup her elbow and step into her line of sight. “Please don’t leave like this.”
Her fiery gaze slaps me across the face with a single look. “I didn’t set this in motion.” The muscles in her jaw tic as she points to her chest. “I’m allowed to feel however I want.” She steps out of my touch. “Even if you don’t like it.”
Message received.