Page 82 of Relentless Sinner
Because I won’t let her go.
Chapter Eighteen
Gabriella
I stand by the floor-to-ceiling window on the landing watching Jaxon’s car pull out. I can just about see him sitting in the back seat. He was looking back, too. I’m not sure if he could see me or, knowing him, maybe he sensed my presence and knew I was watching.
I wonder what he was thinking.
Did he suspect anything?
No… that’s my paranoia screwing with me. If Jaxon suspectedanythinguntoward there’s no way he’d leave me to go anywhere.
He would nevereverleave me if he knew today is the day I plan to escape.To leave him.
His trip to Italy is important but definitely not more important than marrying me.
It’s hard to have him in my head and not think about the way we’ve been for the last few days. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other. And like I couldn’t get enough ofhim.
I can’t deny that I lost my mind and myself and I purposely stayed lost, wanting to wade through his darkness until it swallowed me whole and devoured me.
Every time he was inside me pieces of me slipped away from my control. His touch and his consuming kisses kept me there, whispering to me to stay and be corrupted. And that’s exactly what I did.
If he were still here I would probably have missed Cora’s call, and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I would still be in bed with Jaxon with him buried deep inside me.
I can’t even think of myself as the level-headed girl anymore and I know that neither Natasha nor Cora would have succumbed to the dark side the way I did.
I don’t know anyone who would.
The car speeds down the driveway before it turns the corner and I can’t see it anymore. I keep staring, though, as if I still can, the trepidation in my heart warning me that this plan of mine hasbad ideawritten all over it.
It’s too sketchy and uncertain.
It’s too…
It just doesn’t feel right.
Cora managed to arrange everything we spoke about on her end. To minimize the risk of being caught she didn’t explain too much on the phone. But she didn’t need to.
The moment she used the code wordsunshineand gave certain references to the sun and made it sound like she was giving me some positive affirmations, I understood the lengths she must have gone to.
All I have to do is get to the hospital and follow the clues she left me. That’s it.
If all goes well, by tomorrow at this time I’ll be in Spain. In the sunshine. And free.
My soul wants to hope but my heart…
Now that’s the problem. Apart from the worry stirring in my core like a whirlpool of thunder, my heart is conflicted.
I’ve been trying to play the game and keep things sweet here, but at no point was I acting. I’m not even sure if I tried.
I think the fleeting idea may have crossed my mind once on that night after my wedding dress fitting. Then I kissed Jaxon and all that bravado and thinking I could play the Bratva boss went out the window.
If anything I played myself right into a trap I never saw coming. Just like with all traps. I fell right in then ensnared myself by allowing him to reach past my soul and unlock the deepest parts of my being.
Now I’m torn because I’m worried the plan won’t work. But in my heart I’m worried about leaving him.
I worry because of the hard truth that hit me as I kissed him goodbye. The truth that said to me I’d never meet anyone else like him. No one who would make me feel this way.