Page 164 of Naughty November
“O-oh, sorry.” Alec stammered. “I didn’t realize you were leaving.” He licked his lips then lowered his gaze, his nervousness palpable. “I won’t bother you.”
As he started to pull away, I realized I was still holding onto him. I let him go so quickly that the momentum caused him to stumble.
“You’re not bothering me,” I blurted. “And be careful. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
“You don’t?”
He stared up at me with his ridiculously adorable puppy dog eyes. Warm brown irises were framed in dark lashes, and combined with the open, earnest expression that had always made me want to stare back and never stop. His chestnut hair was a tad longer since the last time I’d seen him, and I noted how the strands now held a bit of a wave.
“Of course not.” I frowned. “I don’t hold grudges.”
I only wallow in self-pity.
Alec shifted from foot to foot, tugging at his jacket sleeve. “Oh. Um, that’s good. Because I…well, you see…” His brow wrinkled as he chewed his bottom lip. “This was probably a bad idea.”
I gritted my teeth, angry at myself because of my overpowering need to give him comfort. To reassure him that he needn’t be nervous or unsure of himself. To build him up the way I had when we were doing scenes together.
When I thought I was falling in love.
Witnessing his anguish bordered on agony. “It’s okay, Alec.” I didn’t touch him, but I sure as hell wanted to. “You came over to saysomething to me, and I’d like to hear what it is. Why don’t we head to the lobby for a bit more privacy.”
Alec nodded but wouldn’t meet my eyes. Of course, when we did scenes, it was a part of our protocol, but I couldn’t tell whether it was why he was doing it. Embarrassment might be more accurate.
We didn’t speak as we wound our way through the crowd, my hand at his lower back but not making contact. I purposely avoided interaction with others by moving as swiftly as possible while nodding and offering a quick smile. Alec’s head remained lowered, so there were no worries there. And other than Marc, or perhaps Zane, the club owner, I wasn’t sure how familiar he was with any of the other members.
As I mulled over the idea that he might’ve interacted with other men at the club, my stomach tightened, and an irrational stab of jealousy shot through me. He’d never been mine—only an occasional play partner. We’d barely had any sexual contact. I found it hard to believe that he would’ve moved on to another Dom after making his grand declaration then bolting from my arms.
I noticed a spot in a corner near the front of the expansive, high-ceilinged lobby. Two velvet upholstered wing chairs with a small marble-topped table in between them were empty next to a fluffy Ficus tree. Perfect camouflage for whatever bomb Alec might be getting ready to drop. I typically handled my emotions well, but Alec got to me in a way no other man ever had.
When Zane first introduced him to me, the intention had been to help a mostly vanilla man explore kink. Alec had been immersed in a deep crisis of self, and while he’d seen a Mistress a few times at another club downtown, he’d never been with a Dom. That was where Zane thought I’d be a perfect fit. I was one of the few Masters at Sensation willing to take on an inexperienced sub. Most Doms preferred to show up solo or with a regular partner, have a pleasant evening, then go home.
Not me. I’ve always enjoyed witnessing a sub’s wonder, excitement, and fear as I showed them how allowing themselves to give in to the experience could set them free.
Alec was different. Yes, I wanted all those first-time moments withhim, but I fucking wanted them to bemine. I wanted to own those experiences, to give him what no other man had. Eventually, I started fantasizing about being the only man he would ever share those activities with. Alec taught me I was ready to quit being a teacher to all—that he was the only one I would ever need.
My throat closed as we reached the chairs. And now here we were, and I wondered if the Earth was about to open up and drag me down to my doom.
“Why don’t you have a seat?”
I gestured to one of the chairs before settling on the other. Alec didn’t relax in his seat. Anyone looking in our direction would see one younger man perched on the edge of the cushion, head bowed, hands folded on his knees, and twisting his fingers. Then there would be me, leaning back, my legs crossed with one elbow resting on the chair arm and the other on my knee as if I hadn’t a care in the world.
Alec winced as he continued twisting his fingers. “I hope I’m not ruining your time at the party.”
“That depends on what you’re about to say.”
He glanced up. “I just mean you’re here to hang out with your friends. I don’t want to get in the way.”
I still couldn’t figure out how he’d managed to get invited to the reception. Did Marc know him that well? Although, since the reception was open to any club members, it must mean Alec had been attending the club this whole time. My anxiety morphed into anger—most of it directed at myself. Had I disappeared from the club, my home away from home, while Alec continued to attend and enjoy the attentions of other men?
The thought was not only on the irrational side but puzzling. The only reason I hadn’t gone back after that night was because the club would remind me of him, and I knew another sub wouldn’t interest me in the slightest. Showing up at Marc’s reception was my way of announcing I was ready to rejoin the kink land of the living. But instead, I feared I was about to embark on round two of having my heart crushed.
Alec regarded me with wide eyes, waiting for my response as I pondered how to proceed.
“I haven’t seen anyone from the club in a while, so you’re giving me a good excuse to take a breather before going back to the reception.” I gave him a tight smile. “I’ll admit it’s awkward for me to show up after not being in contact with anyone for so long.”
Alec’s jaw went slack, and his body tensed. “I don’t understand. I thought being at the club was everything to you.”
I swallowed hard. Pretending with Alec was pointless and—frankly—a waste of energy. I could either choose to stay and talk or simply walk away.