Page 165 of Naughty November

I couldn’t walk away.

“No, Alec. That’s where you’re wrong. It wasn’t the club that was everything.”

TWO

ALEC

I almost melted off the chair. What did Gene mean by that? He couldn’t be talking about me, right? Not after the way things between us ended. I hated what a damn coward I was. The many months of agony I’d put myself—and now it seemed like Gene—through were because I let fear rule my heart.

I sucked in a deep breath. Right now was when I needed to man up. I’d already wasted enough time by hiding from myself. Judging from Gene’s expression, he was running out of patience, and I was terrified of losing my chance to give us another try.

“I’m sorry.” I forced myself to meet his eyes. “Leaving the way I did was wrong and very childish.”

He regarded me with zero emotion. A slight tick of his jaw, his head inclining almost imperceptibly, was the only physical clue my words might’ve had an impact.

“That was brave of you to say. I appreciate it.”

Okay. That wasn’t what I’d expected. I guess his large and in-charge demeanor was part of his persona in everyday life. And God, how was I supposed to think straight with his piercing gray eyesstaring back at me? He was everything I hadn’t realized I wanted. A tower of strength, brutally honest, kind, and handsome as fuck. While I’d found men desirable over the years, I’d never acted on my attraction.

But Gene was different. His very touch had sent shivers through my body, his chiseled features and piercing, gray eyes making me want to feel his hands everywhere, his lips on mine, his hard, naked body pressed against me as he rode me to completion.

“I don’t feel very brave,” I admitted. “I’m sure you feel I led you on, but…” I still grappled with my guilt. “I promise, that’s not what I was doing. Everything I said to you I meant.”

Gene shifted on the chair, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was squeezing his hands. “I’m not sure how that’s possible. I offered you a contract, you expressed excitement then came to my home the next day with a signed copy. Then, after our magnificent first kiss—at least from my perspective—you broke away from me, shouting, “I can’t do this,” before racing out of my life.”

Sweat was building on my neck, dampening my collar. The man had a damn good memory.

“I know, I know.” I swiped the back of my hand across my upper lip. Despite the icy chill of the November air outside, the lobby was like a furnace. “I was scared. When we met, when I told you about being attracted to men but never acting on it—that was a huge bridge for me to cross. I wanted—want—everything with you, but the club, the kink…” I dragged my fingers through my hair. “I thought I was experimenting.” I bit the inside of my cheek, terrified to continue but knowing this was my last chance. “I didn’t expect to fall in love.”

Gene straightened, his eyes bugging as if he’d seen a monster. Maybe that’s what I was to him now, an ugly, evil thing that had lured him into a snare then abandoned him to whatever fate he might meet. I wouldn’t want to hear belated sentiments from me, either.

“I wish you could’ve trusted me enough to tell me what you were feeling. I wouldn’t have mocked or pushed you away even if I hadn’t felt the same.”

I opened my mouth to continue, but something about his response stopped me short. “Wait. So… you were feeling something too?”

Yeah, I was terrified to hear his response. Hopefully, he meant what he said about not mocking me.

Gene shifted in his seat, running his long, graceful fingers over the top of his head. Tiny strands of silver were threaded through his carefully combed, pitch-black hair, making him even more attractive to me.

“Alec, I offered you a contract. I kissed you.” Gene rubbed his forehead. “Let me clarify. I never kiss a sub unless the relationship is personal.” He fixed me with his gaze. “Which means I haven’t done a lot of kissing.”

“Oh.”

A lump formed in my throat. While my intention in coming to the reception had been to maybe have a chance to speak with him, to tell him I thought I’d made a mistake when I ran away, I now wondered if I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.

We remained in silence for a few moments, and a sliver of worry began to course through me. If I didn’t try to fix this in the next minute or so, Gene might tell me to have a nice life then walk away for good.

“I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

I’d never been very good at expressing myself, which wasn’t helping my case. My very Catholic grandmother had raised me after my mom had me as a teen, and I’d routinely been discouraged from speaking my mind. That’s how Nana was raised and how she raised me. The fact that her daughter had rebelled didn’t seem to have had much of an impression on her.

Gene arched his eyebrows. It wasn’t as if we hadn’t discussed this issue back then. He knew how I struggled and had always been patient and encouraging. My eyes burned. Maybe his patience had been exhausted.

“Is that why you came here tonight?” His tone had softened. “To apologize? Or is there more to it?”

“Do you want it to be more?” Directly asking for what I wanted bordered on the painful.

The hint of a smile decorated Gene’s lips. “I do.” He leaned forward, placing his folded hands on his knees. “I don’t mind confessing I’ve missed you terribly. But you know how it works, Alec. I need your permission.”