Page 38 of Pucking Only
“Hey, Zander. Ready to go?”
“Absolutely.” He offers me his arm, and I slip my hand around his elbow, feeling a flutter of excitement and something very much like anxiety in my chest.
The restaurant Zander picks is only a short walk away and cozy, with dim lighting and a relaxed atmosphere. We’re seated at a corner table. The conversation flows easily between us. We talk about hockey, his latest games, and theintricacies of player stats, which I find fascinating. We segue into video games, discussing everything from my latest project to the classic games that sparked our love for gaming.
“So, what’s the next big update for the game?” Zander asks, leaning forward with genuine interest.
I smile, pleased by his enthusiasm. “I’m working on interactive player modes and realistic game physics. It’s been a lot of late nights, but it’ll be worth it.”
“That sounds awesome. I can’t wait to try it out,” he says, his eyes lighting up.
As the night goes on, I find myself genuinely enjoying his company, just like I always do when we hang out. He’s funny, charming, and attentive. However, as much as I appreciate these qualities, there’s something missing. I don’t feel the usual stirring between my legs that would push me to pursue a guy for more than just dinner and a fun hangout
And damn it, I want it. Even though I’m a grown ass woman and not a teenager chasing an unstable bad boy, I’m realizing how important that stupid spark really is.
We finish our meal and Zander insists on walking me back to my building. The night air is cool, and the city’s lights cast a soft glow over everything. We stroll side by side, our conversation becoming quieter and more reflective.
“So, did you have a good time tonight?” Zander asks, glancing at me with a hopeful expression.
“I did,” I reply honestly. “It was really nice. Thank you for dinner.”
As we approach my building, I can feel the weight of the evening settling on my shoulders. I can usually tell when a guy wants to take things further…wants to get physical. It’s the way they look at me, the excuses they make to touch me, and even the subtle changes in their breathing. Zander has been giving me those subtle hints all night and I’m nervous that he’s going to try and kiss me. He has been nothing but kind and charming. I’ve enjoyed our conversation and time together, but deep down, I know it’s not fair to lead him on when I don’t feel the same spark he clearly does.
Sleeping with him would be a mistake, I know it in my gut. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I know letting things go too far between us will do just that.
We reach the front door, and I turn to face him. “Thanks for tonight, Zander. I had a really good time.”
He smiles warmly, his eyes hopeful. “I did too, Skyler. We should do this again sometime.”
I nod, even though I know I shouldn’t. “Yeah….”
He pauses. “I hear a but coming on.”
Releasing a long breath, I drop my gaze and nod. “I’m so sorry, Zander, but… I think we should just be friends. I really care about you, but not in a romantic way. I… I don’t want to ruin the bond we already have.”
He doesn’t say anything for several moments. I finally peek up at him, terrified that he’s going to tell me to fuck off and storm away. Instead, he gives me a small, disappointed smile and nods.
“Yeah, I kind of suspected, but I was holding out hope,” he confesses. “It’s okay, Sky. I’m glad you’re being honest about your feelings. I care about you too and don’t want to lose our friendship either.”
“Really?” I gasp, stunned by how graciously he’s taking my rejection.
“Really,” he assures me, chucking me gently under the chin. “It’s all good. We can go back to the way things were and be buds.”
Seriously, this man is too good. Why couldn’t I feel more for him? He deserves a woman who adores him, and I hope he finds her.
We share a hug.
“Thank you,” I murmur when we part. “You really are the best.”
He gives me a half-grin and shrugs.
“Good night, Skyler.”
“Good night, Zander.”
I watch as he walks away. I feel a mix of guilt and relief. I’m glad I was honest with him, but I hate disappointing him like this.
With a heavy sigh, I turn and go inside the building and I make my way up to my apartment, each step I take feeling heavier than the last. By the time I reach my door, my mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I dig through my bag for my keys, trying to make sense of everything. I just want to get inside, crawl under the covers on my bed, and go to sleep. I don’t want to think about any of this anymore.