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You have got to be kidding me.I whirl around, unable to keep the hurt and anger out of my voice. “No, you don’t get to throw Thalia in my face for this. I have done everything I can to make that right, but the entire time I was apologizing, you were lying. Besides, I didn’t tell you about any of that until after you cheated, sowhydid you do it?” I demand, my patience quickly waning as I consider all the facts.
“Because I felt like an idiot seeing how you look at her even when you’re arguing! You couldn’t stand the sight of Thalia with another man when I was right next to you. How do you think it makes me feel to know that the man I love is in love with his ex-girlfriend?”
I don’t bother denying it. I’m complicit in the destruction of this relationship, but I can say that I’ve given everything I have to try to make it work. I open the drawers of my dresser, grabbing more clothes. “So fucking talk to me about it! Don’t fuck another guy while I’m out of town.”
“It was an accident!” Kiera yells, and I laugh bitterly.It was an accident?
“Oh, so you accidentally got naked, and then accidentally fell on another man’s dick? It really sounds like an accident, Kiera. You can say what you want about me and the mistakes I’ve made, but I’ve never tried to excuse them by calling them an accident,” I retort, shaking my head at her. “You can keep the ring, but I can’t do this. ”
She starts taking all the clothes I’ve put into the suitcase out as I put more in. “No, we can talk about this; we can fix us. I love you, even if a part of your heart will always belong to her. I’m okay with it, I’ve accepted it. Please don’t leave.”
“There isn’t athis. You’re having a baby. We aren’t fixable because there is no more us.” I wrap my hands around her wrists gently to stop Kiera from unpacking my things. Saying it is hard, but it’s the truth.
We’re pieces belonging to different puzzles, trying to force them together. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s Kiera’s, but the truth I’ve been avoiding is we don’t belong together.
“You’re leaving,” Kiera finally says, her shoulders slumping in defeat.
I’d only be hurting both of us more if I stayed.
“I’m leaving,” I confirm.
“I really am sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Kiera, why didn’t you just fucking talk to me?” I ask, my voice breaking because I do love her. The only thing I was pretending is that I don’t still love Thalia. I wanted to marry Kiera, but maybe this all happened for a reason.
Believing that is the only thing that will get me through this.
“I don’t know,” she whispers, hiccuping as she steps away.
I bite the inside of my cheek hard as the gravity of the situation weighs on me. “I hope it was worth it. You can stay here until the sale goes through. I hope that’s enough time for you to figure out what you’re going to do.”
“Where are you going to go?” she asks, twisting her hands in front of her.
“I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”
She sits on our bed, crying as I grab what I can. I’ll come back for the rest later, once I know what’s going to happen. I’ll find somewhere, but I need to get out of here.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel right now? Is it bad to say that a small part of me is relieved I was given a way out?
Chris told me that he felt like he couldn’t live without Allie. I can live without Kiera.
She’s going to be fine eventually. I will be fine eventually.
For now, it just really fucking sucks.
~
The hotel I checked into has a bar, which is really great…until it isn’t.
I turned my phone off the second I left the house, and I’ve spent the rest of the day at this bar. I’m drunker than a skunk, but the bartender brought me a plate of fries to help me sober up a little.
A few people have approached me for pictures and autographs; I was polite as I could be. However, my engagement ended today because my fianceé cheated on me, and I’m piss drunk, so maybe I wasn’t as nice as I intended to be.
This feels eerily similar to when Thalia and I broke up, except that hurt a lot more in a different way. I wanted a life with Kiera, but the more I saw what our life was going to potentially look like, I’d started to change my mind. I think I was afraid to pull the trigger to end it, though.
The more I think about it, the more I realize we stopped doing all the little things that count. I never bought her flowers, nor have I ever really thought about doing it. I never forgot with Thalia. It was like clockwork for me. Kiera stopped talking to me. I don’t think I could tell you a legitimate conversation we’ve had recently besides thatweekend at the beach that wasn’t revolving around the wedding or Thalia.
We stopped communicating, and being there for one another.