Page 51 of Almost

If I’d stayed blissfully ignorant, I don’t think I ever would have called off the wedding. We’d be moving into our new house after we got back from our honeymoon—wait, fuck, maybe I don’t move there now. Do I still have to buy that house, because I didn’t really like it? I only made an offer because I thought it would make Kiera happy.

I don’t know. I can’t think straight.

I miss Kiera. She was calming and nice—so freaking nice. Except, maybe too nice because she fell on another man’s dickaccidentally.

What if I’d never found out? Would we still be walking down the aisle, and I’d be raising another man’s kid? In those brief seconds where I was happy about her being pregnant before everything turned upside down, it felt like a light at the end of the tunnel after all the problems in our relationship. It might sound silly, but it feltgood.

The Uber I’m sitting in bounces over a pothole, and I’m starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t be going to Thalia’s house. It seemed like a great idea when I left the bar, but now I’m reconsidering it. I wish the bartender had said no when I asked him to order a ride for me. Those fries helped, but not enough to help me make good decisions.

Fuck, what am I going to do?

I lean my head against the cool glass of the window. It feels good.

I wonder if Mimi knew that Kiera wasn’t the one for me? Could that be why she gave a cryptic answer about howonly I would know the answer to that question?Well Mimi, jokes on me, I got my answer!

The driver turns around to look at me questioningly. “Are you going to get out?”

I rub my face tiredly, looking out the window and seeing Thalia’s house. Oh shit. We’re here already.

“Yeah, I guess it’s too late to change my mind,” I mumble.

He looks skeptically at me now. “Hey, aren’t you—”

“No. I’m not,” I snap. Coming here is probably going to be another check mark on the long list of mistakes I’ve made in the last six months. I stumble out of the car, walking up the driveway carefully to avoid falling on my face.

I don’t think before knocking, because if I do, then I’m going to have to face everything that happened today. All I’ve been doing is thinking. Replaying every single conversation and interaction I’ve had with Kiera since I got back from Greensboro. So many things are adding up, and all I feel is stupid because I can’t believe I didn’t see it.

I’m frustrated because the door doesn’t open right away so I continue knocking until it does. The door swings open, and I almost fall forward, but I grab onto the door frame to steady myself. Thalia’s beyond pissed off, and I guess I didn’t even bother checking to see what time it is. That would’ve required turning on my phone.

Even pissed off, she’s beautiful. Her green eyes are bright, and her blonde hair is pulled back out of her face sloppily, but I’ve always liked her undone. The anger on her face warps into confusion. “Bash? What are you doing here? It’s almost eleven p.m. an—”

I’m not sure if it’s hearing Thalia say my name after pretending to be fine with Seb all these years, or that I wantto stop denying myself what I really want, but I cut her off by leaning down to press my mouth against hers. Thanks to the amount I’ve drunk, my aim is a little off and I bump my nose against hers first. Thalia surprises me by kissing me back. It feels like a victory after four years, I’m finally kissing Lia again.

I’ve really fucking missed her.

Kissing Thalia feels like taking a breath of fresh air after drowning for so long.

Thalia pulls away abruptly, breathing shallowly as she stares at me in shock. “You are drunk. Oh my fucking god, you’re engaged, Sebastian. You can’t show up here and kiss me when we’ve been broken up for three years!”

“Four years as of two days ago. Lia, I…fuck.” I drop my forehead to rest in the groove of her neck. It’s awkward with the height difference, but I feel like singing and jumping for joy because I finally get to touch her. “I’m not engaged,” I whisper for the first time out loud.

I inhale the familiar scent of lavender as my head spins. I’m not engaged. I came to my ex’s house. What am I doing?

“What?” Thalia asks, stayingverystill.

“I called the wedding off. Kiera…she cheated. She’s fucking pregnant,” I croak out, stumbling over some of my words. “I left her.”

And very slowly, Thalia rests her hand on the back of my neck, stroking her fingers through my hair gently. “You’ll be okay,” she says soothingly, using a tone I haven’t heard from her in a long time.

I hold tightly to Thalia as if she’s my tether to reality, while tears start to fall for the first time since Mimi died. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry for everything; I should have apologized months ago. I should have tried harder toapologize again after Eric picked up your phone, and told me to leave you alone. I’m so fucking sorry for all of it, Thalia.” I’m a drunk, blubbering mess, but Thalia traces small circles on the back of my neck. It’s soothing and my guard is completely down. She’s the only person I’ve truly ever been able to do that with.

I can’t leave Thalia alone. I thought I could do it, but she’s the one I can’t live without. Why didn’t I fight for us?

“Thank you for apologizing,” Lia says after what feels like an eternity. “I forgive you. I’m sorry too.”

Thalia apologizing when she did nothing wrong doesn’t help me feel better. She pulls me into the house, shutting the door behind me to lead us toward the couch. I kiss her again, needing to have that sense of rightness just in case it’s the last time I get to do this.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.