Page 57 of Dirty Secrets

I’d gone to bed before Logan and Zavier had returned home, tossing and turning most of the night. I’d locked my door, hoping they’d take the hint and leave me alone.

I knew when it hit midnight because sleep evaded me, and the few times I did nod off, nightmares plagued me.

One of the guys kept padding into the hallway and lingering by my door, but they didn’t try to come in.

I glanced at my phone to check the time, seeing that it was five in the morning. There wasn’t much point trying to sleep, so I sat up with a sigh and rubbed my eyes, walking out into the hallway.

The house was quiet, my eyes landing on Reid’s bedroom door. It was cracked open, the silent invitation making my feet carry me towards his room as I slipped inside, shutting and locking the door behind me quietly.

He was apparently awake too, and he flipped the blanket back for me to climb in.

“I swear it hurts more every year,” I mumbled, sliding in beside him and curling into his chest, making him sigh.

“Yeah, I feel that way too. Did you sleep at all?”

“Not really. I keep seeing it.” My throat went tight and my voice cracked, his arms wrapping around me as his fingers slipped up the back of my shirt to draw circles on my skin.

Our routine was like clockwork each year. He’d hold me while I let myself cry, and sometimes, I managed to even fall asleep for a while.

Unlike last year, I drifted off to sleep for a couple of hours, waking up against his chest with his fingers still drawing patterns on my back. The sun was bright behind the curtains, and I could hear Logan and Zavier moving around the kitchen making breakfast.

I tensed when I felt Reid’s hard dick pressed against me, his voice tight. “Ignore it.”

“But—”

“Just a little longer,” he mumbled, his chin resting on top of my head. His breathing was a little choppy and I realized I’d woken up in the middle of him having a moment, so I waited until he was ready to pull away.

He didn’t look like he’d been crying, but the small damp spot on the pillow gave him away. I didn’t draw attention to it, untangling myself from him and getting up to stretch. Reid wasn’t someone who liked people seeing his emotions, but chances were high I’d see them later in the day when he struggled to hold onto them.

I felt better knowing he was letting it out, not wanting him to suffocate in his own sadness.

I slipped from the room and into the bathroom, having a quick shower to wake myself up more, before getting ready for the day and heading towards the kitchen for breakfast.

The front door was open, and Reid stood outside smoking with Zavier when I walked past and into the kitchen, giving Logan a second to slide an arm around my shoulders and drop a quick kiss on my temple.

“Morning. Did you sleep?”

“Not much. I got some in Reid’s room though,” I said quietly, flicking my eyes to the open door to watch the other two. “Does it bother you? I didn’t even think?—”

“I get it, Rae. You two have always done this, and I won’t take that away from you. I’m here if you need me, but please lean on Reid if it’s what you want. I think he needs it just as much as you,” he promised, kissing me again quickly and reaching for the coffee on the table. “Here. Did all the beer and stuff come from Rory?”

I took it, taking a sip before replying. “Yeah. I don’t know how they found the time to cook for us and do groceries. They have a shitload of foster kids in that house right now, it was mayhem.”

He chuckled, giving me a small smile. “We know. Beckett sent a photo to Lopez of you feeding the baby.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. You looked good doing it too,” he answered quietly, moving away just as Reid and Zavier walked back in, distracting me from the confusing thoughts Logan had just put in my head.

A car backfired outside and I jumped, dropping my coffee and cursing as it shattered. I bent down to pick up the pieces of ceramic, but Zavier spoke.

“Leave it,” he said as he moved towards me, carefully taking my elbow to make me stand. “Don’t move, you’ll cut your feet.” He lifted me, and my arms and legs wrapped around his neck and waist. Emotions hit me as I fought sudden tears, my grip tightening as I buried my face in his neck to hide it. The day hadn’t even started and I was crumbling.

How the fuck would I make it all damn day?

Zavier didn’t put me down, being more than happy to just hold me as he stroked my back for comfort.

“Cigarette?” he murmured, waiting for me to nod before carrying me outside and sitting on the steps, adjusting me on his lap. I tried to stand but he held my waist. “Stay there.”