Page 58 of Dirty Secrets

“I can’t,” I said quietly, a frown tugging at his mouth.

“Why not?”

“I just can’t,” I repeated, his hands leaving me to allow me to stand. I sat beside him, knowing he was watching me as he popped a cigarette between his lips to light it, handing it over silently to wait me out.

When I stayed silent, he stood and closed the door to give us privacy, sitting back beside me.

“Who is he?” His voice was firm but curious, his eyes scanning my face as I looked over at him.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not? Tell me, I won’t tell the guys if you’re worried about that,” he promised, and I shook my head.

“Let me just figure this out on my own, please? He’s good to me, and that’s all you need to know right now,” I answered, and he was quiet for a moment before speaking again.

“Are you going to sleep with him?” he asked, and I winced, making him shuffle closer to drop an arm around my shoulders. “You already did? Was he gentle? Did he push you? Give me all the girl talk. I’ll feel better knowing these things.”

I chuckled, taking a drag of my cigarette and blowing it towards him. “We’re not together, just keeping it casual. Before you get mad, I asked him to do this, he didn’t expect it. He made it really good for me.”

“Aftercare?”

“He preached the importance of foreplay and aftercare beforehand. He wouldn’t let me out of it.”

“Did he at least get you off?”

“Zavier—”

“What? It’s an important question,” he huffed, eyeing me curiously. “Did he use protection?”

“Stop trying to mother me,” I grumbled, dropping my head onto his shoulder. “I came a million times, he talked me through it all, checked in with me, and he likes to teach me things.”

“Protection?” he repeated with a little more bite, and I sighed.

“Yeah. He used a condom.” I wasn’t going to tell him we hadn’t used one since, or he’d flip out.

I knew better than to risk it, so I was definitely going to get the pill or something soon.

As long as he didn’t come in me, it would be fine.

“Good. So, it was that good you went back for more?” he grinned, and I relaxed at how easily he was taking this. Reid would’ve blown a gasket and dragged me around the Heights to find the guy and beaten him half to death.

“I think I’m a sex addict,” I whisper-yelled, making him laugh.

“Well, I’m glad, I guess. Come to me if you need help or advice, okay? Secret’s safe with me, Rae. Does this mean we can’t sleep in your room anymore? Whatever boundaries you set, you know I’ll respect it.”

I couldn’t exactly tell him no, so I shrugged. “He knows the deal with you guys. He’s okay with it.”

“Is he stupid? That’s how you get your girlfriend stolen,” he joked.

“We’re not dating. Casual, remember? We just agreed not to sleep with other people while we’re doing whatever this is.”

“Are you really keeping it casual because it’s what you want, or because you want to please him?”

“It’s what I want. I just want to learn things and explore a little. He’s got a lot of experience, and he’s really patient about explaining everything to me.”

“Sounds like you hit the jackpot then. I’m really happy for you if this is what you want,” he smiled, but it looked a little forced.

I took his hand, giving it a squeeze. “No matter what, I’ll always need you. No one could ever replace you guys.”