Page 86 of Be Less Panda
Was he trying to catch her out? ‘Dashford-on-sea,’ she said slowly and deliberately.
‘Whereabouts exactly?’
‘Dashford Grange.’
He smiled at her smugly. ‘Where the holiday cottages are?‘
‘Yes. My fiancé’s mother owns them.’
‘Does she indeed. And what’s her name?
‘Nancy Farnham.’
‘Ah, yes. Mrs Farnham.‘
Mark had got out of the car now. ‘Is there a problem officer?’
‘Yes, sir. There is. I know your mother. I’ve booked her for speeding several times over the years. And I wouldn’t describe her as frail. Far from it. She always gives the impression of being quite robust, to be frank.’
Lucy had no difficulty imagining how robust Nancy could be, especially when confronted by a pompous policeman like this one.
‘Surely you’re not expecting a 75-year-old woman to spend lockdown on her own?’ Mark must have decided to appeal to PC 452’s softer side.
‘Except she’s not alone, is she, sir?’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘She was very much not alone yesterday. I’ve had to have words about that.’
‘Who’s with her then?’ Mark didn’t think Olivia had moved in, and Jack and Em were still at Octopus Cottage when he’d texted Jack this morning. Perhaps one of her WI friends had decided to join her.
‘I suggest you ask her. In the meantime, you need to return to Birmingham. The only reason to travel is to get food or medicine or if you’re an essential worker. And I do not believe any of those reasons apply to you two.’
He walked to the middle of the road in front of Lucy’s car, legs apart, arms akimbo. ‘You can turn around there,’ he said, pointing to the gateway to a field on the opposite side of the carriageway.
‘But that’s ridiculous, officer.’ Mark sounded as annoyed as Lucy now.
‘Those are the rules, sir. If you don’t like them, write to Number 10. Now, are you going to do as I’ve requested, or would you prefer me to issue you with an on-the-spot fine? Either way, you aren’t going to Dashford today.’
Mark and Lucy exchanged a look. Mark got back in the car, and Lucy followed suit.
‘What are we going to do?’ Lucy whispered, turning her head away so the policeman couldn’t read her lips.
‘We’re going to turn around like good little citizens, and when they’ve lost interest, we’ll find another way back to Dashford. There are plenty of side roads we could use instead of this one.’
‘Is it worth it?’ Lucy asked.
‘Of course, it’s worth it. No one’s going to ban me from seeing my own mother. I could understand it if we’d coughed all over him. Considering pigeons are the only living creatures we’ve been within two metres of for the last fewdays, we’re more likely to be carrying bird flu than bloody Covid.’
Lucy started the car, manoeuvred it onto the other side of the road and set off back the way they’d come. She looked in the rearview mirror. ‘They’re following us. I feel like a fugitive!’
Mark drummed his fingers on the edge of the car door. ‘I bet they’re planning to tail us right the way back to the motorway. They won’t go much further because then we’ll be Avon & Somerset’s problem.’
Lucy carried on driving, keeping a close eye on the speedometer. A speeding fine would be the icing on the cake. ‘What did he mean about your mum not being alone?’
‘I bet he’s referring to the decorator. She said he was still working there. I can imagine Inspector Morse was unimpressed by that.’
The police car followed them for 15 minutes before turning off towards Barnstaple.