Page 87 of Be Less Panda

‘Thank God. They must have had a call to go somewhere else,’ said Lucy, heaving a big sigh of relief.

‘There’s probably some other loving son who needs a bollocking for attempting to visit his elderly mother,’ said Mark.

‘Now what do we do?’

Mark started fiddling with the satnav. ‘There are plenty of old lanes we could use to get to Dashford. I used to cycle around them when I was a kid.’

‘Good idea. They won’t have ANPR,’ said Lucy approvingly

‘ANPR?’

‘Automatic number plate recognition. They might be tracking us.’

‘I didn’t realise you were so knowledgeable. Have you been on the run before?’

Lucy couldn’t tell if he was impressed or worried. ‘No, but I’ve watchedHunted. Don’t withdraw any money from cash points, either. The fugitives always get caught out that way.’

‘I’ll bear that in mind next time I need to evade the long arm of the law,’ he laughed. ‘There’s a left turn in half a mile.’

The turn led them down a road that soon became a deep-sided lane so narrow that the hedgerows on both sides brushed the car as they slowly drove along it.

‘I’m glad there’s not much traffic. This would be a nightmare otherwise. It’s been ages since we saw a passing place.’ Lucy said, wincing as another branch made a slight scraping noise against the paintwork.

‘Don’t worry. It’s mostly tractors that use these old lanes.’

Lucy was horrified. ‘Was that meant to be reassuring?’

‘We’ll be fine. They’ll see us before we see them.’

Half an hour and only one tractor encounter later, they drove into Dashford Grange’s courtyard.

Nancy came out to greet them. ‘Where have you been? You said you were ten minutes away, but that was almost an hour ago.’

‘It’s lovely to see you too, Mother Dearest.’ Mark said as he got out of the car. ‘We encountered a zealous policeman who seemed to know you personally.’

‘I can guess who that is. He’s loving having all these new laws to enforce.’ Nancy said as she watched Mark unload the suitcases from the Audi.

‘Don’t I get a hug?’ she asked.

‘I thought you’d want to quarantine us?’ Mark said.

‘Don’t be so ridiculous. You haven’t got a temperature, have you?’

‘No, I’m feeling fighting fit, and so is Lucy.’

‘In that case, I insist you greet me properly.’ She marched over to him and pulled him into an embrace, then she turned to Lucy and did the same.

‘These are for Lavender Cottage,’ she said, pulling a pair of keys out of her cardigan pocket and handing them to Mark. ‘It’s the biggest one. You won’t get in one another’s way there if you need peace and quiet to work, Lucy. Clive’s finished redecorating it. Put your things in there, then come over to the house. We’ve prepared dinner for you.’

‘Have you ever met Clive?’ Lucy asked as they carried their luggage to the cottage.

‘Years ago, I think. Why?’

‘I just wondered if he was your mum’s type?’

‘He’s got to be at least 15 years younger than her,’ Mark said as he opened the cottage door.

‘Perhaps she fancied having a toy boy. Someone’s been helping her cook this evening, by the sound of it.’