Page 88 of Be Less Panda
‘Don’t be ridiculous. She’s beyond all that now. There hasn’t been anybody since Dad died.’
‘So you’re saying you’ll be beyond all that if we’re still together when we’re 75?’
‘That’s different. I very much hope that a fine specimen of a man like myself will still be up to fucking you senseless when I’m 75. Though I’m not sure how turned on I’ll be by saggy tits,’ he said, staring at her chest.
‘You better make the most of them while they’re still perky, then.’
‘I’ll take you up on that offer later,’ he laughed, giving Lucy a kiss. ‘Unfortunately, we have to be sociable first.’
Once they had unloaded everything into the living room, they headed over to the main house. Nancy had left the front door ajar.
‘Mother dearest?’ Mark called as he walked into the hallway with Lucy hot on his heels.
‘We’re in the drawing room,’ Nancy shouted.
Lucy and Mark exchanged a glance. ‘We!’ she whispered and raised her eyebrows.
‘Stop it! It’ll be one of her WI friends,’ Mark whispered back. He strode across the hall, with Lucy following him. She crashed into his back when he came to an abrupt halt in the drawing room doorway.
A tall man with white hair and glasses got up from the sofa and smiled at them.
‘I don’t think you’re in the WI,’ Lucy said.
42
The atmosphere was tense in Dashford Grange’s dining room.
‘More food, darling?’ Nancy said to Mark.
‘I wasn’t expecting you to kill the fatted calf, Mother,’ Mark said, looking at the array of unfinished dishes on the table. ‘They do have food in Birmingham, you know.’
‘I’m fully aware of how people eat in the Midlands. I grew up there, remember? However, as it’s the first time I’ve seen you and Lucy since you announced your engagement, I thought I’d push the boat out. And it’s a welcome for Klaus, too. I didn’t get a chance to do that properly yesterday.’
Lucy noticed Nancy and Klaus exchanging a knowing look. They seemed very loved up. She suspected Nancy had given Klaus an excellent welcome yesterday, just not a culinary one. Mark must’ve seen the way they looked at one another, too. He seemed deeply uncomfortable.
‘Are you planning to stay long, Klaus?’ he asked, between mouthfuls of Steak Diane.
‘A few months, hopefully. Then perhaps your mother can stop with me in Germany for a while.’
‘I’m looking forward to that.’ Nancy looked genuinely thrilled at the prospect.
‘Is Nigel aware of the latest developments here?’ Mark asked.
Nancy huffed. ‘I’ve been granted a slot in his diary on Friday. His PA told me he was fully booked for the rest of the week, so it’s his problem if he’s the last to find out. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to hear that Klaus has moved in. He’s always saying I need someone to look after me.’
Lucy smiled at Nancy’s mischievous grin. They all knew full well that Nigel would be horrified and would probably be seeking legal advice immediately. Not that Mark was reacting much better.
‘What I’m baffled by is how you got out of Germany. I thought they locked down earlier than us,’ Lucy asked.
‘They did,’ he said. ‘But I managed to drive into France before they closed the borders. The ferries are still running. I told them I was returning to England to be with my partner. I wasn’t showing any Covid symptoms, so they were happy with that, and I got to Dover without any problems. In fact, I got as far as Devon before anyone stopped me.’
‘Our mutual friend by any chance?’ Mark asked.
Klaus looked puzzled.
‘He means the policeman, not the Charles Dickens book.’ Nancy explained.
‘Ah, yes. He was threatening to repatriate me until I told him my son worked in the German Embassy and it might cause a diplomatic incident.’