Page 63 of Scars of the Sun
The sight of the cabin emerged as I walked out of the forest, knuckles still a little red as I unraveled the tape. My brother was sitting on the porch in one of the black rocking chairs, book in hand as he talked softly with Ollie who sat in his lap. They were reading a large board book, and when I got closer, they both looked up with small smiles of greeting.
My brother and I both nodded at each other as I passed into the house, and I waved at Sylvie as I walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. The record player was going, music louder than usual to account for the sink running. Dahlia sat in a chair from the dining room, boosted with books and cushions so that the back of her head could dangle over the sink. Sylvie was answering the random questions my niece fired off in her toddler curiosity as she rinsed out the shampoo from my niece’s hair and began to detangle her curls with a wide tooth comb.
Dahlia gave me a happy little wave, neck craned back at an angle but padded with a towel to keep her away from the hard counter edge. I waved back and went off for my shower, almostforgetting why I’d even needed to run out into the forest in the first place.
I paced the living room, clutching my phone tightly as another string of texts came through. Luckily, the babies were in bed now, but not having the excuse to ignore this part of my life made me feel like I was suffocating. Orion and Sylvie would be gone until the early hours of the morning, if past pack runs were any indication. So, I was stuck.
Now, the babies had been read to and were sound asleep, so there was no more ignoring the slew of texts that were from someone Idefinitelydidn’t want to talk to. My phone went off again, though this time, the notification wasn’t the simple bell of a text but the ringing of a call. I checked the screen and felt like I was going to throw up. A video call.
Frozen, I watched my father FaceTime me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything—to accept or reject the call.Shit, shit, shit, and just to jam the knife in further, a text from Mom came through and hung like a banner announcing my execution.
Momster
You answer your father. Now.
Cornered.
Really, I knew that I’d eventually have to face my parents. That, though I’d been transferring money from the accounts they managed to ones solely in my name since I was in high school, they’d eventually find out that I wasn’t living business-as-usual in my apartment near campus. That they’d discover I’d withdrawn from school, packed my shit, and left.
What did it say about me that it took them months? This was probably the first time Dad had even inquired about me at all.
It was like smoothing fuzzy felt over my senses, over my mind, as I walked to the room I’d claimed as mine and opened my laptop. Sure enough, another incoming FaceTime from Dad rang on the screen, and this time, my finger moved woodenly to accept.
I wasn’t surprised when I was met with my mother seated at the kitchen island. Her white-blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail, which made her icy blue eyes pull even sharper. For some reason, mine focused in on the shiny white cabinets and countertops behind her. The green tile backsplash only adding to the coldness. Even across miles and two screens, I could tell that the house was silent, as it always was. No constant crooning from a record player, no warm brown from wooden walls. Any homemade meals were made by whichever chef Mom had hired. I thought the current one was Yusef, but I could’ve been wrong.
“Well, I see you’re hiding out with your brother.”
The disappointment and venom were almost sharp enough to open up the scars on my arm. But the fuzziness was my buffer, tried and true, for as long as I could remember. That day before I left for Antler Pointe, it’d worn down, but maybe it was still enough. To at least last through this. I missed Río.
“I wanted to visit.”
Mom narrowed her eyes, and her lips pinched. “You decided to drop out, leave your apartment—which we’re still paying for, by the way—and essentially go missing to govisityour brother? How ungrateful and stupid can you be, Ramona?” Her words got hissy at the end, her voice low and cheeks flushing with an angry pink.
When my father entered the room and sat beside her, it was like a strip of my barrier fell away. I shifted in my seat on the floor beside the guest bed, balancing the laptop on my knees.“Ra Ra, what’s going on?” I bit the inside of my cheek, hard enough to taste blood. Dad was dressed in his typical casual attire, today’s being a black Nike sweatshirt and joggers. All my life, it seemed, I saw him in some variation of this or the suits he wore while commentating on television. There was practically no in-between.
But Casual Dad was the one who took me to the skating rink and for ice cream that first time. Now, he looked at me with mild concern bunching his black brows. His expertly cut low fade was a black shadow against his deep brown skin. I could practically smell the cologne he always wore.
“Hey, Dad. I’m at O and Sylvie’s. Helping with the kids.”
He looked even more confused, “Did they ask you to do that?” My brother and father had never really had much of a relationship. There wasn’t animosity, just a distant respect. After he’d gotten married to Sylvie and they had the kids, the dynamic hadn’t shifted at all.
“No,” I swallowed, “I asked if I could visit.” Dad looked toward Mom, whose face had melted into one of demure concern. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and waited for him to speak again.
Dad’s frown deepened. “You really had us worried, kiddo. We had to pull some strings to find out what was going on—why haven’t you been answering your phone?”
Because I was a glutton for punishment, I allowed the fuzziness to shift and blurted, “You called me?”
He looked perplexed for a moment. For that brief time, I imagined it was because he was wondering how he’d gone so long without checking in on me. But when he turned his eyes to my mom beside him, I knew that the thought hadn’t even occurred to him. She cut in, voice ten times softer as she glanced at my dad. “It’s all right, honey. I was just scared and didn’tknow what to do. Your father saved the day and was able to pull some strings with the school to find out you’d withdrawn.”
Dad nodded and turned my own eyes back at me. “Why in the world would you do that? All that work just down the toilet, and for what? I know we spoil you, Ra Ra, but this is unacceptable.”
I fought to keep my face blank, and when my mom spoke up, it was the voice of the good submissive wife. She sighed, “Don’t get worked up, Sean. Do you want a drink or something to eat?”
Dad grunted in answer and watched Mom get up and start moving about the kitchen. He relaxed back in his seat and rested an arm on the marble island surface. “You got anything to say for yourself?”
I was losing the battle. He was treating me like I’d had a tantrum and ran up his credit cards. Hot tears collected just at the edges of my lashes, and I batted them away with the heel of my hand before they could fall.
“Well? When are you gonna stop this foolishness?”