Page 39 of Evan

“Of course.” Jumping to her feet, she went to the coffee pot and poured a cup. He had taken a seat on the velvet sofa in the corner of the room.

“Sit.” He patted the space next to him as he took the cup.

“You look as if you hadn’t slept.”

Inhaling the fragrance, he took a sip before putting the cup on the table in front of the sofa.

“Ingrid is gone.”

Cassandra gave him a startled look. “I don’t understand.”

He smiled at her grimly, rubbing his hands up and down his khaki slacks. His eyes were red as if he had been weeping, his face pale. She was not accustomed to seeing him like this and it shook her up. “She went to be with Darcy.”

“Oh. That’s a good thing.”

“She was not invited of course. Our daughter wants nothing to do with us. But she reluctantly agreed to see her mother. I offered to go with her, but Darcy was adamant that she did not want to see me.

Ingrid insisted that it’s best if she went by herself. She packed enough clothing to last several weeks. When I asked her when she was coming back, she told me she had no idea.” He took up the cup again and just sat there staring into the contents.

Cassandra remained silent as she tried to assimilate what he said and read between the lines. She knew there were problemsin their marriage, she had sensed it from the beginning. Losing their son had driven a wedge between them, one that apparently had not been fixed by prayer. Then to top it off, their daughter had left and gone to LA.

Cassandra had heard rumors and had seen pictures of her on Facebook, pictures that revealed that Darcy had done a three sixty-degree turn. She had piercings and tattoos all over and in each of those photos, she was practically naked. She had not bother to mention it to her pastor and was sure he was aware of how far she had fallen.

“I think she is in the process of leaving me.” He lifted his shoulders in a shrug, his expression bleak. “I am a mess, Cassie.” He continued softly. “I am not fit to carry out the work of God. I have sinned and have proven that I am a mere mortal. I have fallen from grace and cannot find my way back.”

He jolted when she reached out and took the cup from him. Placing it on the table, she took her hand in his. It was too early for anyone to come to visit. She had arisen at dawn and when it became apparent that she wouldn’t be able to have her usual devotion, she had showered and dressed for work.

It was just a little after six and still dark.

“You can find your way back,” she told him softly. “I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you and Ingrid. Losing a child, especially a child like Chad who was so likeable, so loving and kind and sweet, it’s bound to make you inconsolable.

You are human and even though that’s not an excuse, it’s reason enough.” She drew in a breath. “I have learned a lot over the years.

Seen so many losses, but I remember you preaching a sermon that sums it all up – we are not here to stay. Clinging to this life here on earth is not something we should ever want to do. Heaven is real, it is not some made up fairytale to make us feel better. Those were your words, and they never left me.”

She squeezed his hand. “The Lord understands when we cannot utter a word when we question what he is allowing. And he does not judge us for it. He loves us unconditionally, no matter what. You are going to have to try and find a way to go to him in prayer.”

He had been staring at her during her monologue, studying her exquisite face. She had always looked serene and at peace. He had figured that was mostly what contributed to her beauty.

Yes, physically she was very appealing, but there was a glow inside her that spilled outwards. She always had a smile for people around her and there was a term that people used especially when someone was violently murdered.

“She didn’t have any enemies”. But with Cassandra it would be the unvarnished truth. People loved her. Even the young women in the congregation who should have been envious of her talents, looks and accomplishments, gravitated towards her. She had that kind of personality.

But this morning it was missing. She was pleasant enough, but the sadness on her exquisite face was there and he was afraid he knew what had put it there.

“I was afraid of this.” He murmured.

“Sorry?”

“You are hurting.”

She drew her hand from his and rose a little agitatedly. Going to her desk, she sat and fiddled with the fudge stick paper weight one of her Sunday school kids had made for her.

It’s nothing.”

“Cassie.”

Shaking her head, she was about to deny it again, then thought better. She had always been upfront with him. “He is gone.” She smiled tremulously. “He hasn’t said that much to me, but I know we won’t be seeing each other again. We want different things.”