Page 40 of Evan
“You mean he wants to go to bed with you.”
His bluntness startled her.
“I want it too.” Lifting her head, she stared at him, eyes shimmering with tears. “He was the one who stopped it.” The tears trickled down her cheeks and William felt his heart contracting at the miserable look on her face.
He deserved everything he was going through, but not her. Cassandra Daley was the best person he ever knew, aside from his son. And he did not like the idea that she was hurting.
But he had been afraid that this would happen. Men like Evan Davenport wanted only one thing, and they certainly do not end up with women like her. They were used to sophisticated women and Cassandra was not that. She was sweet and innocent and would not hide behind her feelings.
“Cassie… “
“No.” She shook her head firmly and plucked out several tissues from the box to dab at her face. “I know that I can nevergo against my principles. I also know that a man like Evan Davenport could never be with a woman like me.”
“He would be blessed to have someone like you.” He growled, causing her to smile.
“I wanted to change him.” she said wistfully, twisting the sodden tissues between her fingers. “I denied it to myself of course, but that was what I wanted to do.
I wanted to be the one to change him, ‘save’ him. I was arrogant enough to think it is my job. And I wanted to do it for selfish reasons, because I had this picture inside my head that he would come to know Jesus as his personal Lord and savior and fall in love with me.
We would get married and…” her voice trailed away. “It sounds ridiculous spoken aloud. He is a rich and powerful man, and the Bible says it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to be saved.”
“The Bible also said that it might be impossible for men, but with God all things are possible.”
“It’s not going to happen for us, Pastor and I will get over it. It’s just that I have known him for a short period of time, and he managed to make an enormous impact on me. I have been asking the Lord why him? Why not someone in the congregation?
Even a guy from a neighboring church. Was it that I have this grandiose hope for my future? Is it his money that has attracted me to him?” She shook her head and leaned back against her chair.
“You know better than that. You do not have a greedy bone in that body of yours. Avarice is not part of your make up. You would just as well give up everything you have to save the world. You cannot bear to see anyone in pain.
Your generosity knows no bounds. You give of yourself unselfishly and I admire the woman you are. Losing your dad and being ignored by your mother did not turn you bitter. You love people and you are always the first to jump in whenever there is a crisis.
I will not have you beating up yourself. I don’t know what plans the Lord has for you and that young man, but I am certain it will be revealed eventually.” He rose and rubbed his hands together. “I also want to thank you for what you said. I feel much better now.”
“So do I.” She told him with a watery smile. “I came to work because I couldn’t sleep, and praying was becoming an arduous task.”
“It seems we are both in the same boat.” His eyes twinkled. “Why don’t we retire to the chapel and see if we can remedy that?”
“Absolutely!” She agreed, pushing away from the desk.
*****
The board was doing very well without his input. Aside from a few grunted contributions to several questions, he was more or less left alone to brood. Evidently, the men and three womenwho make up the board, had seen his dark mood or they might have been forewarned by his very able and competent assistant.
She had gotten the brunt of his misery and borne it well. He had snapped at her when she did not bring in the folders he required fast enough and had rudely told her that he did not need a mother when she offered to pour him a cup of coffee.
The woman had pulled back her thin shoulders and with a frosty look asked him if there was anything else he needed. When he told her no, she had wheeled out of his office and closed the doors with a snap.
He did not blame her for retaliating. Last night was a disaster. He had drunk himself into a stupor, but the liquor had done little to dull his riotous thoughts, only making him sick to his stomach and a dull throbbing ache in his temple that was driving him crazy.
He had swallowed four pain killers and chased them with two cups of strong coffee, which had not been a good idea.
He cursed the day his head of PR had suggested him giving the check to that church to salvage the image of the company. He had sacrificed a lot more than he bargained for. He should not have gone back that second time.
That was what had messed him up. Her singing, her dazzling smile, the ethereal beauty that drew him to her like a moth to a flame.
He was yearning for her, and he had argued with himself almost the entire night wondering if it was her innocence, how different she was from the women he was accustomed to, if that was what was making him so crazy.
Was it the novelty of being with someone like her? Did he want what was forbidden? He had read about the Eve situation in the Bible and how she had been drawn to pick the forbidden fruit because she had been expressly told not to and wondered if it was the same with him.