Page 17 of All Your Pain
“Does it pay enough for me to be out of the game for a while?” I ask once Jax is out of earshot.
“What the fuck?” Bones snaps as he shoves the dancer off him. She looks at him like she’s about to slap him but then she looks at me and quickly scurries away to find another lonely guy to service. To be fair, I’m also wondering if Bones has had a personality transplant, I've never seen him turn down anyone here before.
“Something wrong? Not like you to get bored so quickly.”
He gapes at me and leans forward with his hands on the table. “Something wrong with me?What’s going on with you? You’ve barely looked at any of the girls here, you’re asking about my hair and now you’re saying you want out!”
“Not forever. I just need some time to deal with athing.”
“Either you’re finally about to admit your feelings to me and I really can’t blame you if you do," he places a hand over his heart dramatically. "Or you’ve met someone.”
Shit. I made it obvious asking about the stupid hair products but I thought it would be nice for her.
What has gotten into me?I've never been an easy read before, not even to Bones.
Leaning back, I lace my fingers together over my head and groan. I don’t understand this need I have for her, it’s so different to anything I’ve felt before. I want to hurt her but I think I also want to look after her.
The moments I spend tending to her after I’ve left her covered in bite marks and come are just as good as the sex itself. She’s so feisty when I fuck her but after a few orgasms she turns so soft and pliant in my arms.
“Will you just message me a list of whatever shampoo and stuff I need to buy?” I ask since he’s already suspicious it’s hardly going to make things worse if I say anything else. So I add, “make sure they’re lavender or honey scented.”
“Yeah, of course I will, man. Areyougoing to tell me who she is?” He leans back in his seat, with an odd look on his face and starts fiddling with the hair tie around his wrist. “You’ve never seemed like a lavender and honey guy to me before so…”
“Yes, fine, I may have met someone,” I shrug casually. What harm will it do for my one friend to know anyway? It’s not like he’s going to be meeting her any time soon.
“When? How? I want every detail. I need to meet her!” Oh man I really should have anticipated he’d be this excited for me. If it was the other way round I’d also want to know, but it’s not like it’s a normal relationship I’m in. I’m not even sure what to call it.
“No!” I say a bit too loudly that some of the other patrons look our way. “You’re staying clear of her for now.”
“Worried she’ll fall for me instead?” I ignore him because there's no way he’s even getting near her for a chance of that happening. “You’re not in love are you?” Bones suddenly laughs loudly and claps his hands. “Oh, good for you, man! Honestly it’s about time. Thought it would be me that found it first though but whatever. Does she have a sister? Friend? Cousin? Fuck, I’ll even take her mom if she’s hot.”
“I’m not in love,” I lean forward and hiss quietly.
No way.
Obsessed, yes, but in love? People like me don’t find love.
“Nah man you’re completely head over heels in love,” he sing-songs. “I can see it all over your face! So how did you meet?”
“It’s a very long story.”
“Good job we’ve got all night then.” I give him a look and he adds, “or not. You’re seeing her tonight?”
“Technically, yes and I didn't say anything to you before because we don’t tell each other everything! Well you tell me everything, but that’s not the point.”
Why is this suddenly making me feel bad?
Shit, she’s really gotten into my head and mixed things up. I think I might actually have feelings now that aren’t reliant on killing someone. Feelings are messy and complicated. Two things I don’t want or need in my life but I brought them on myself by kidnapping Willow in the first place.
I sink down in my chair and rub my eyes. It’s not been that long since I brought her home, but Willow’s been constantly on my mind. Her presence has taken over my solitary existence and turned it into something that feelsfull.When I’m with her she’s all I need and when I’m away from her she’s all I want.
I’ve never cared about needing to belong somewhere before, most people in my past made sure I knew I’d never fit in and I accepted that.
I took their harsh judgements and molded them to create the person I am today. Ruthless and cold but still willing to take the hatred they left in me out on the world.
For so long, I’ve needed violence to make me feelanything.I ended up craving it but what Willow has to offer is so much more addicting and I won’t ever be able to get enough.
I should be burning up from the flames of destruction she ignites in me but instead she grounds me. Her mere presence both excites and soothes me.